Page 82 of Dirty Salvation

And because he could and because Zara desperately wanted him to initiate some form of touch he leaned down and kissed her neck.

She sighed.

Her life was about to change again, only this time she was choosing it. God help her, she hoped she could go through with the sex.

It seemed fitting the flooring was grotty checkered linoleum inside the clinic, she was grateful her shoes didn’t stick to it. It didn’t quite smell medical but it had that skin crawling feel. A brightly lit waiting room where all diseases came to die.

Behind her, Rider placed his hand on the bottom of her spine. Tenderness from a bad man. Her hands were clammy. Shaking.Well, this was it.The rest of Zara’s life started with this one step over to the desk towards the middle aged overweight woman with the bright orange hair who was sat wearing headphones and reading a copy of People magazine.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“I put out for a good blowjob.” – Preacher

As sexual health tests go, the many Zara had endured last evening were about as mortifying as anyone could imagine. Rider had been wonderful, he’d taken charge seeing how nervous she was, informed the nurse he andhiswoman were there to get tested. She hadn’t expected him to as well just to put her at ease, but sure enough, he got swabs and blood taken right along with her. A few days they’d have the results.

Twenty-four hours later she was still enjoying the thrill of being called his woman.

"This between us, Icy, it started before this situation, but now that's there in the middle and I'm not sure how to step with you, I can only be me and habitually, if you ask anyone, I’m a pig-headed outspoken motherfucker who doesn’t care about hurtin’ feelin’s so you understand that rubs people wrong, so If I'm being too much of a dick you gotta call me on it, understand? The last person I want to hurt is you. This … this situation what you went through I'm not ignorant to think it's disappeared and it's all magically fuckin' alright again, get me? you tell me what you need to help and I'll see it's done."

"You can say the words, Rider ... the situation." She smiled tightly at him picking at the hem of her sweater, nervous fingers, awkward conversation. "Rape, abuse, mental torture, physical torture. They're just words, they don't hurt me to hear them, I lived through it, how can a string of little words touch me after that? I'm not fragile."

She heard him hiss. Even she didn't accept it when it came off her tongue, but the more she said it, thought it, it would hopefully sink it and become somewhat real. "What is it experts say ... and by-the-way, what makesthemexperts, do they live through the same ordeals and that's what gives them the credit or do they just spout this bullshit to look intelligent? I don't know and I'm getting off on a tangent, time heals all things, right? or so," she air-quoted with her fingers. "they say. You gave me the greatest help and got me out of there. You help by treating me normal, even when you bark at me. I'm not poor Zara to you, and I think I like that most of all, you don't see victim scrawled on my forehead, you don't watch your tongue when you tell me you want to f-- have sex with me. You are helping in all the little ways that just make you, you.

“Yes, you are aterribledegenerate and an outspoken asshole,” lips twitched, “you like your own way far too much, you say jump and expect me to askhow high biker-master, but I wouldn't change you. Time might not heal, time might not let me forget, and truthfully, I don't think I should forget. The bad and the ugly make us who we are.

“The Zara from three years ago is dead, she had a different path, a boring path I suspect, one I didn't really want to take, but pressure from my parents, I would have taken it nonetheless, you and I wouldn't have worked three years ago.

“My walking in on you with that girl ... look what I did, I turned tail and left so fast, embarrassed to hell to see you with your pants down and a girl about to suck you off, I didn't know then it was a setup.

“Me today, Rider. If I saw the same thing now. I'd drag that girl out by her hair. Maybe punch you, too.”

His grin was wicked and a little pleased, she noticed. "Really, Icy, all this praise is just gonna go right to my dick…"

"My point is, I'm not the same person you knew back when. We had one night together, not long enough to know if we would have cared for each other past an orgasm."

She flushed at saying the word orgasm. Some shy behavior was instilled. Her mother would be mortified her daughter was saying orgasms to a man. "You're not the same person either, mister big bad president, so maybe we get to know each other who we are now, see if we like each other. Dating. Rider and Zara.”

His expression darkened, it stirred within Zara's belly. Aslickheat.

What an absurd conversation this had turned out to be while they ate fried chicken from Tony’s place in town.

So clinical and dry. It somehow suited them, she mused.

There was no pretense or mind-games. She'd pretty much told him she wanted to see how they fit together, not just in bed. Their mutual desire strangely was the only thing she wasn’t questioning any longer; it was a hot furnace simmering within them both.

An idea sprung to mind. "Why don't I cook us something tomorrow, you can choose one of your boy movies for us to watch. We go from there.” Three long thumps of her heart before he replied. His eyes piercing.

"You want to date me, Icy?" His smile twitched giving him a lighter edge to his usually austere face. She waited for his punchline and it didn't take even half a second. "I've never been dated before. I think I want flowers, since you did the askin' not carnations, those are death-fuckin’-weeds ... something bold, to match my excitement."

His dry humor drew her in and she found herself smiling, reaching over and punching a light fist in his belly, the motion didn't even register.

Hard, hard belly.

"You're an asshole, you know that? No flowers, either. That's date three."

"Hmm ... date three flowers. Got it. What's sex? I’m hopin’ to hear it’s the first one. I mean, I'm a cheap date and I put out, you just gotta stroke me the right way."

Her cheeks glowed. They were flirting and it felt nice.