Page 17 of Dirty Salvation

CHAPTER FOUR

“He walked into hell and brought me into the light. There is a God…” - Zara Freeze.

Coincidences were for people who refused to believe miracles didn’t happen in this world, who couldn’t trust magic happened at the right time when you least expected it.

Zara blinked, not trusting in anything anymore, not even her own sight, waiting to wake from this dream.

It had all feltso real. Of course, it had.

She’d dreamed that same rescue many times, not the same as tonight, even some with Rider as starring role.

He would pull her onto his bike, tell her he was taking her away from all this, then they’d kiss and live happily blissfully ever after like a filthier version of Cinderella with Prince Charming liking blowjobs a lot more than the cartoon version of him.Just a dream.

She was buying into her own delusions finally, sucking from the Kool-Aid through a swirly straw.

Her old psyche class professor had once said madness came in many forms, you didn’t always have to be crazy.

Wake up.Wake up. The nightmare was so much worse when she was asleep and pretending her normality had returned in stark beautiful peaceful color. That place where she could reach out and touch hope, feel it as a living breathing entity just waiting to be plucked like a deadly flower.

She’d cried many mornings when she’d realized it was all a big fat lie, her own brain weaving tales to pacify, to grind her down even further if it was possible.

She was looking at her dream full in the face as he stared back at her unblinking. The jolt of it traveled to her toes.

Herdream Riderhad never scowled at her; he’d always been too busy shoving his tongue in her mouth.

Angela whimpered and Zara blinked rapidly, grasping the little girl automatically as motherly as she could to reassure her that everything was going to be okay even if she herself didn’t believe that. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.It’s okay.Breathe.

What a way to be faced with a one-night stand.

The walk of shame had just intensified and tripled by ten.

And here she stood, shivering with eyes on her from all angles yet only one set of blue eyes had her attention, and she was abstractly aware of just how she looked.

Her blonde hair needed combing, washing. Forget about styling, it hadn’t seen the better end of a curling wand in longer than she cared to remember.

She was dirty and she felt it, as if every piece of filth clung too deep into her pores.

The caked grease making her hair hang in heavy limp strands around her face.

Clothes in desperate need of washing and mending, she held Angela in one arm as the girl burrowed deep into her ribs and went on with her quiet crying, the other hand tugged self-consciously at her off-white tank top drawing it away from the shape of her bare breasts.

She tried hard to stay clean, not permitted to shower often, another cruel way to control her, she’d used her daily ration of bottled water to keep her clothes tended to, and to have one of those stand-up washes as best as she could. But even after a while that too had decreased.

What did she have to be clean for, who was she wanting to look nice for?

The dirtier she was she had hoped she’d be left alone for a prettier cleaner woman who came back the club looking for fun.

Now, though, as she watched Rider’s eyes roll down her frame, she felt nothing but utter shame at her current state.

So different to the last time they were in the same room together.

“Rider…” she tested his name and got no further.

Her tongue didn’t want to work, glued to the roof of her mouth, paralyzed with silence.

Luck would have it. And that was a joke... Angela began to cry louder, she saw the guy with the shaved head stood off to the side of Rider scowl, his brows so dark pull down over his eyes studying them both closely, she felt her spine go rigid expecting him to pounce, but he neither moved nor spoke, only stared at Angela with the kind of stare you’d expect from a serial killer.

“Shhh, sweet girl, everything is okay now, it’s all over, we’re fine, sweetheart, I promise. Didn’t I tell you everything would be alright? There now, stop crying...shhh...shhh...” turning her body away from Rider, she cradled the girl, unsure who was shaking more.