Page 12 of Desperate Games

I wave her off, brushing past her before she can hug me or touch my arm or see too much. My chest aches as I shove my door shut behind me and twist the lock.

Then I slide to the floor.

And I cry.

Ugly, gasping sobs I try to muffle in the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Because it’s not just about the test.

It’s about everything.

It’s about being thirty-two and single and invisible.

Living at home with my parents and my youngest sister, who’s only even here because the condo she is moving into with her man is being redone.

It’s about feeling like my whole life is just behind schedule.

Like everyone else got the memo, and I’m still scrambling to figure out what the hell I’m doing here.

I want to be strong. Independent. Empowered.

But sometimes?

Sometimes, I just want someone to choose me.

To look at me—loud, opinionated, messy me—and say, “Yeah. You. You're it for me.”

But no one ever does.

And that one night with Remy? I think—no, I know—it fucked things up more than it fixed anything.

It made me feel wanted. Desired. Not just a warm body or a quick distraction, but something more.

Even if I told myself it was just about making a baby.

Even if I said I didn’t care.

Now I’m stuck with nothing but aching hope and a negative result.

I curl up tighter, pressing my forehead to my knees.

And I’ll let myself have this one day to cry and feel sad.

But tomorrow? Tomorrow it is back to the drawing board.

If I want a baby, then it looks like I’m going to need a plan. And I can do that. I’m great at planning.

Hell. It’s part of my job, working in the marketing department for Volkov Industries. And I’m good at it—everything else in life? Friendships outside the family? Men? Sex?

Not so much.

But I was good that night with Remy, a soft voice whispers in my ear.

And I bite my lip, refusing to think about it.

Whatever happened between us after Lee-Lee’s wedding was just a fluke. Too much sun and the right amount of alcohol.

I can’t risk going to him for sex. Not when I know I could easily fall for that man.