Page 10 of Desperate Games

So yeah. I’m home.

In my flannel pajama pants, hiding a pregnancy test under a hand towel, and trying not to have a full-on meltdown.

Like that’s even possible.

Chapter Two-Andrea

I glance at the counter.

“Andrea! Come on!” Julia wails.

Still one minute left.

My stomach twists.

Why am I like this?

Why do I want this so badly?

A husband? No. Been there, almost done that, got the emotional scars.

A boyfriend? Eh. Maybe. If he’s funny, loyal, and obsessed with me.

But a baby? A family?

Yes. A hundred times, yes.

That’s the dream. Always has been.

And yeah, I know it’s not trendy or modern or feminist to admit that out loud these days. But I don’t care.

I want to be a mom.

I want sticky fingers and lullabies and crayon drawings on the fridge. I want chaos and love and sleepless nights that matter.

Is that so wrong?

The timer beeps.

I inhale. Exhale.

Pick up the stick.

My heart sinks.

One line.

Not pregnant.

My lips tremble. My eyes sting. I blink up at the ceiling like that’ll stop the tears from coming.

It doesn’t.

Goddamn it.

Why does this hurt so much?

It wasn’t even a plan. Just an idea. A wild one. A stupid one, maybe. But still, somewhere deep inside, I let myself hope.