Page 23 of Demon Daddy’s Nanny (Demon Daddies #3)

23

RIDWAN

T he days blur together in a haze of paperwork and meetings, each one an attempt to drown myself in duty rather than think about the taste of Eva still lingering on my tongue. I throw myself into reports about border disputes and trade agreements until my eyes burn, but even then, the memory of her soft gasps pierce through my concentration like arrows finding their mark.

My wings twitch with restless energy as I pace my study. The shelves of ancient texts and military histories that usually bring me comfort now feel like prison walls. Every time I catch a glimpse of the balcony through the windows, heat floods my veins. The railing where she'd gripped so desperately. The spot where I'd knelt before her like a supplicant at an altar.

I avoid the dining room, taking my meals in my study. When Annalise asks why I'm not joining them, I mutter excuses about work. The disappointment in her eyes cuts deep, but it's better than facing Eva across the table, watching her lips wrap around a fork, remembering how those same lips parted for my kiss.

Sleep offers no refuge. In the dark hours, my mind betrays me with fragments of memory - the curve of her neck as she threw her head back, the way her fingers tangled in my hair, the breathy way she'd said my name. I wake tangled in sweat-soaked sheets, wings spread wide and aching, my body hard with need.

The harder I try to convince myself it meant nothing, the more she consumes my thoughts. Eva's presence in my home feels like a living flame, and I'm a moth circling ever closer to destruction. Each time I hear her laugh echo down a hallway or catch her scent - sunshine and sweet herbs - my carefully maintained control threatens to shatter.

This morning, I nearly broke when I rounded a corner and found her reaching for a book on a high shelf, her dress riding up to reveal the curve of her calf. I'd frozen, wings snapping tight against my back, as memories of those legs wrapped around my shoulders flooded my mind. Before she could turn, I'd retreated like a coward, my heart thundering against my ribs.

A knock at my study door jolts me from my brooding. My wings snap open defensively before I recognize Eva's scent. Honey and herbs and something uniquely her that makes my mouth water.

"Come in." My voice sounds rougher than intended.

She enters with a stack of Annalise's completed assignments, and the sight of her steals my breath. The morning light streaming through the windows catches in her hair, turning it to liquid gold. My fingers itch to run through those strands again.

"These need your signature." She approaches my desk with careful steps, like she's trying not to spook a wild animal. Perhaps she's not wrong.

The space between us crackles with tension. My wings spread wider of their own accord, an instinctive display I can't control. When she sets the papers down, her fingers brush mine. The contact sends a thrill racing up my arm.

"Eva." Her name escapes like a growl.

She looks up, those eyes holding mine with an intensity that makes my chest tight. "Yes?"

Logic screams at me to dismiss her. She's human. Fragile. Temporary. Any relationship between us would end in heartbreak - likely hers. I've already failed one woman I loved. I can't do it again.

But my body betrays me. My wings arch forward, curving around her without touching. Shielding her. Claiming her. The primal part of my brain wants to wrap her in them until her scent mingles with mine, until everyone knows she's?—

No. I force my wings back with a sharp snap that makes her jump.

"That will be all." The words taste like ash.

She lingers a moment longer, her pulse jumping visibly at her throat. That spot where I'd pressed my lips, where I'd marked her with my teeth. The memory makes my fangs ache.

When she finally leaves, I grip the edge of my desk until the wood creaks. The rational arguments feel hollow. She's human. She works for me. She deserves better than a broken xaphan who can't even properly love his own daughter.

But none of that stops my heart from racing every time she's near. None of it quells the hunger that burns through my veins like molten gold.

I slump in my chair, the weight of memories pressing down like lead in my chest. Sera. Even thinking her name feels like reopening an old wound. She was sunshine and warmth, everything good I didn't deserve. I loved her - or thought I did. But now...

My fingers trace the spot over my heart where a soul bond mark should have been. We'd planned the ceremony, chosen the Nashai who would perform it. Then came the news of her pregnancy. " After the baby, " we'd said. " When it's safer ." Always later, always tomorrow, until there were no more tomorrows left.

The bond with Sera would have been gentle, comfortable. Like slipping into warm water. But Eva... My wings shudder at just the thought of her. What I feel for Eva is a wildfire in my blood, a hurricane in my chest. It tears through all my carefully constructed walls and leaves me raw, exposed. When she's near, my soul reaches for hers with an intensity that terrifies me.

I've seen soul-bonded couples before. Watched how they gravitate toward each other, how their eyes track their partner's movements. But this pull to Eva is different - darker, more primal. I want to consume her, to mark her so deeply that no force in any realm could separate us. The mere thought of someone else touching her makes my wings bristle and my fangs lengthen.

If I bonded with her... My hand clenches into a fist. The mark would bloom over both our hearts, binding us for eternity. I'd feel every flutter of her emotions, every spike of joy or pain. She'd never be truly apart from me again.

The wanting is so fierce it steals my breath. I imagine her soul entwined with mine, our life forces braided together until death and beyond. The vision is so vivid I can almost feel the Nashai's magic pulling us together, see the golden tether sinking into our chests...

But I don't deserve that kind of connection. Not after failing Sera. Not after failing Annalise. I am darkness and duty and ancient blood. Eva deserves light and freedom and a future untainted by my shadows.

I push away from my desk, my wings snapping out in agitation as I stalk to the window. The morning light burns my eyes, but the pain is welcome - anything to distract from this constant ache in my chest.

Physical attraction. That's all this is. Just my body's response to a beautiful woman. I've gone too long without... No. Even in my own mind, I can't reduce what I feel for Eva to mere lust. The truth claws at my throat, demanding to be acknowledged.

My reflection in the window panes shows a man I barely recognize. Gone is the composed leader, the strict father. In his place stands someone wild-eyed and desperate, wings spread wide and trembling. When did I become this creature, this thing that burns and hungers?

Eva has carved herself into my bones, woven herself through my blood. Each breath I take is heavy with the knowledge that she exists, that she moves through my home like a spirit of light and warmth. My wings ache to shelter her. My hands remember the silk of her skin. My soul...

Gods help me, my soul reaches for hers like a flower straining toward the sun.

I slam my fist against the window frame, the impact sending shockwaves up my arm. The pain does nothing to quiet the voice in my head that whispers her name with every heartbeat. Eva. Eva. Eva.

Pushing her away feels like tearing out my own heart. Each cold word, each dismissal, leaves me bleeding and raw. But drawing her closer would destroy us both. I am shadow and steel, forged in battle and hardened by loss. She deserves more than my darkness.

Yet even as I think this, my traitor heart knows the truth. Eva has already breached every defense, slipped past every wall. She's in my blood now, as essential as air. Fighting this pull between us is like fighting gravity itself - impossible and ultimately futile.

My wings curl forward, unconsciously seeking something that isn't there. Someone who should be here, wrapped in their embrace. The emptiness aches like a physical wound.

I am lost. Lost to her. Lost to this feeling that threatens to consume everything I am.

I force myself to leave my study as midnight approaches, my wings heavy with exhaustion. The halls echo with my footsteps as I make my way toward my chambers, wanting nothing more than to collapse into?—

The scent hits me first. Clean soap and warm skin. Eva.

She emerges from around the corner, hair damp and loose around her shoulders, wearing only a thin robe that clings to her still-wet curves. My wings snap open, filling the narrow hallway as every rational thought evaporates from my mind.

Water droplets trail down her neck, following the path my tongue took days ago. Her skin glows in the lamplight, flushed pink from her bath. The robe gaps slightly at her chest, revealing the hollow of her throat where my mark has long since faded.

"Ridwan." Her voice is barely a whisper, but it ignites my blood like lightning.

My body moves without conscious thought. Three steps bring me to her, my wings curving forward to cage her against the wall. She gasps, the sound shooting straight through me. This close, I can see individual drops of water clinging to her eyelashes, count the rapid flutter of her pulse at her throat.

Just standing here, lost in the sight of her, I know one thing to be true - I can’t stay away from her. She has become as necessary as breathing, and fighting it only makes the hunger grow stronger.

I don’t know what to do.

So, I turn away, not knowing how to be out of control.