Page 20 of Demon Daddy’s Nanny (Demon Daddies #3)

20

EVA

T he silk sheets whisper against my skin as I toss and turn, unable to find peace in the darkness of my room. Sleep eludes me, replaced by thoughts of golden eyes and bronze skin. My fingers brush against my lips, remembering the heat of Ridwan's kiss from a week ago. The memory burns, sharp and sweet like sugar caramelizing over flame.

I push myself up, padding across the cold stone floor to my window. New Solas sprawls before me, its golden spires piercing the night sky. The view used to fill me with wonder. Now it only reminds me of him - of power and authority wrapped in gleaming metal.

Every time I close my eyes, I see the way he looked at me that day - desire warring with duty in those striking features. The scar on his cheek had seemed deeper, his jaw clenched tight as he'd pulled away. " I can't want you ," he'd said, voice rough like he'd dragged the words across broken glass.

I press my forehead against the cool window pane. This isn't just about his touch or the way his massive wings cast shadows that make my heart race. It's in the quiet moments - when he thinks no one's watching and his stern mask slips, revealing the weight he carries. It's in how his hands shake slightly when he holds reports of border skirmishes, in the gentle way he straightens Annalise's collar despite his intimidating presence.

My chest aches. I've spent days avoiding the great hall, taking my meals in the kitchen, changing my routine to dodge his patrol routes. But distance hasn't dimmed these feelings. They've grown like vines in darkness, wrapping around my ribs and squeezing until each breath hurts.

A shadow passes outside - massive wings blocking out starlight. My heart lurches before I realize it's just another xaphan guard on patrol. Still, my pulse races, betraying how desperately I want it to be him. How pathetic. I'm supposed to be stronger than this, not pining after someone who's made it clear he doesn't want me.

But every accidental glance we share across crowded rooms feels like a secret language. Each time he stiffens when I enter a room, it's like he's fighting the same battle I am. And I'm losing - gods help me, I'm losing badly.

Enough. I push away from the window, anger rising hot in my throat. I'm done being the good little human who knows her place. Done pretending I don't see the hunger in his eyes when he thinks I'm not looking.

My fingers curl into fists as I pace the length of my room. The stone floor bites cold against my bare feet, but I barely notice. I've spent my whole life being overlooked, being told to stay small and grateful. But that's not who I am anymore.

The memory of his lips crashes through me again. This time, instead of aching, it fuels something fiercer. He'd kissed me like a starving man before shoving me away. Like he thought denying himself was some noble sacrifice.

I catch my reflection in the mirror - flushed cheeks, amber eyes bright with determination, chestnut hair falling loose around my shoulders. I'm not some delicate flower to be protected or pushed aside. I've survived in this gilded cage of a city through wit and will alone.

My hands steady as I braid my hair back. If Ridwan thinks he can kiss me like that and then hide behind duty and rank, he's about to learn differently. Whatever demons he's wrestling with - guilt over Sera, fear of connecting, his rigid sense of propriety - they're his problem. Not mine.

A laugh bubbles up, sharp and wild. Maybe it's madness pushing me forward, but I'm done waiting. Done watching him struggle against whatever's holding him back. If he wants to keep denying this thing between us, he'll have to do it to my face.

The old Eva would have accepted his rejection, would have swallowed her feelings and faded into the background. But I've changed. Living here, watching Annalise fight for her own identity, has taught me something about claiming what you want. I’ve always been fiercely independent…but that isn’t what I want right now.

What I want is him - all of him, not just stolen glances and aborted touches. If he pushes me away again, fine. At least I'll know I fought for what I wanted instead of letting fear win.

I stride through the quiet halls, my footsteps echoing against stone. The familiar path to Ridwan's wing feels different tonight, charged with purpose rather than hesitation. Moonlight streams through tall windows, painting silver paths across floors.

The door to his sitting room stands ajar. Through the gap, I catch sight of his broad frame silhouetted against the night sky. His wings spread loose and relaxed, catching starlight on golden feathers. He hasn't noticed me yet, lost in whatever thoughts furrow his brow and tighten his jaw.

My heart pounds, but I refuse to let it stop me. I push the door wider and step onto the balcony. The night air carries the scent of night-blooming flowers from the gardens below.

Ridwan's shoulders tense at my approach, but he doesn't turn. "Eva." My name falls from his lips like a warning.

I ignore it. Moving closer, I watch the muscles in his back ripple as his wings shift. He's wearing a simple black shirt, sleeves rolled to expose bronze forearms. The scar on his cheek catches the moonlight, a silver slash across his stern features.

"Look at me." The words come out stronger than I expect.

He turns, golden eyes blazing. "You shouldn't be here."

I close the distance between us. His breath catches, but he doesn't step back. Up close, I see the shadows under his eyes, the way his hands grip the balcony rail.

"I'm exactly where I should be."

Before he can protest, before duty or rank or fear can build more walls between us, I rise on my toes and press my lips to his. For one heartbeat, he's stone-still. Then his wings snap forward, curling around us both as his hands find my waist.

His kiss is desperate, hungry. Nothing like the controlled facade he shows the world. I tangle my fingers in his dark waves, drawing him closer as his wings block out the stars.

His fingers dig into my waist, pulling me against the solid wall of his chest. The heat of him burns through my thin nightdress as his wings cocoon us in darkness. My heart thunders against my ribs, matching the fierce rhythm I feel beneath my palms as I slide them down his chest.

Ridwan growls into my mouth, the sound vibrating through me. His tongue sweeps across my lower lip and I open for him, gasping as he deepens the kiss. One of his hands slides up my back, tangling in my braid, while the other grips my hip hard enough to bruise.

I arch into him, needing more, needing everything. His wings tighten around us, blocking out the world until there's nothing but his taste, his touch, the way he consumes me like he's been starving. The controlled leader is gone, replaced by raw hunger that matches my own.

"Eva," he breathes against my lips, my name a broken prayer. His forehead presses to mine, golden eyes blazing with desire and something deeper, darker. The scar on his cheek feels rough under my fingertips as I trace it.

Instead of pulling away this time, he captures my mouth again. The kiss is savage, desperate - like he's finally letting go of the chains he's wrapped around himself. His wings tremble against my back, feathers rustling with barely contained power.

I rake my nails down his chest and he shudders, breaking the kiss to trail his lips down my neck. The scrape of his teeth makes me gasp. My fingers find purchase in his dark waves as he marks my skin, claiming me with each heated touch.

"I want this," I manage between ragged breaths. "I want you."

His answer is another searing kiss, his massive frame caging me against the balcony rail. The stone digs into my back but I barely notice, lost in the way his tongue slides against mine, in how his wings block out even the moonlight until there's nothing but us and this hunger we've denied for too long.

His kiss devours me, but beneath the fierce passion, reality starts seeping in like ice water through my veins. My fingers tremble against his chest as the weight of what we're doing crashes over me. This isn't just a kiss - it's a rebellion against everything that keeps our worlds separate.

Ridwan's wings tighten, golden feathers brushing my arms as he pulls me closer. The heat of him burns away my fears for a moment, replaced by the intoxicating slide of his tongue against mine. His hand cups my face, thumb tracing my jaw with a gentleness that contrasts the desperate way he claims my mouth.

But even as I arch into him, even as my body sings with triumph at finally having what I've craved, dread coils in my stomach. The consequences ripple outward like stones dropped in still water - his position, my status, Annalise caught between us. Each thought hits harder than the last.

His teeth graze my lower lip and I gasp, torn between pushing closer and pulling away. The strength in his arms, the power radiating from his massive frame - it reminds me of exactly who he is. What he is. A xaphan, a leader, while I'm just a human who dared reach above her station.

My heart pounds against my ribs, no longer just from desire. Each beat seems to whisper warnings. I've crossed a line that can't be uncrossed. Challenged a hierarchy that's existed for centuries. The same fire that drove me here now feels like it might consume us both.

But when Ridwan's lips trail down my neck, when his wings create a golden cage around us, I can't bring myself to regret it. Let them judge. Let them whisper. I've spent too long being invisible, being less. His kiss tastes like defiance, like finally claiming something that's mine, even if it shatters everything around us.