Page 17 of Demon Daddy’s Nanny (Demon Daddies #3)

17

RIDWAN

T he taste of her lingers on my lips as I wrench myself away, my wings unfurling with a sharp snap. Moonlight catches their golden feathers, casting fractured shadows across Eva's face. Her chest rises and falls in quick bursts, lips still parted, still...fuck.

My hands clench at my sides. The courtyard walls press in around us, the night air thick with the scent of night-blooming flowers and her. Always her. The guard tower looms overhead, a stark reminder of where we are, who I am, what I've just done.

Eva's fingers drift to her mouth, touching where mine had been moments before. Her eyes lock onto mine, searching, questioning. The golden glow from the courtyard lamps catches in them, turning them molten.

Words stick in my throat. Explanations, excuses, apologies - none of them form. The weight of my position, my past, my promises crash down. I'm her employer. Annalise's father. A widower who never completed a soul bond. Who has no right to-

"Ridwan?" Her voice breaks through my spiraling thoughts. Soft. Uncertain.

I take another step back, wings mantling around me in an instinctive shield. But I can still see her through the gaps between my feathers - the slight tremble in her hands, the way she leans forward as if drawn by an invisible thread.

The silence stretches between us, filled only by our ragged breathing and the distant sounds of the city beyond the compound walls. I should say something. Anything. But my tongue feels leaden, my thoughts scattered like leaves in a storm.

She deserves words. Deserves an explanation for why I grabbed her, why I kissed her like a starving man at a feast. Why I failed to keep my restraint in place tonight when I’m usually so good - why I’ve been craving her and was weak for just a moment. Just enough to ruin everything.

But all I can focus on is the way her pulse jumps at her throat, how her scent mingles with the night air, making my head spin.

"This was a mistake." The words scrape past my lips, tasting of ash and regret. My wings curl tighter, the feathers rustling with tension. "It can't-"

I can't even finish the sentence. Can't look at her face, knowing what I'll see there. The hurt. The confusion. The same longing that's burning through my veins like molten gold.

My boots scrape against the stone as I turn. Each step feels like I'm dragging lead weights, fighting against the pull to go back, to explain, to- No. The compound walls loom higher, their shadows stretching across the courtyard like grasping fingers. Somewhere above, a guard shifts position. The soft clink of armor reminds me of my position, my responsibilities.

"Ridwan, wait-"

Her voice cuts through me like a blade, but I keep walking. My wings ache to spread, to launch me into the sky, but I won't give in to that coward's urge. Instead, I force myself to maintain a measured pace, each footfall echoing off the stone walls. Commander. Leader. Father. The titles ring hollow in my mind, mocking me with everything I should be, everything I'm failing to be in this moment.

The memory of her lips haunts me, a ghost of warmth I have no right to chase. Not after Sera. Not with someone in my employ. Not when I'm responsible for- The list of reasons stretches endless, each one a chain weighing me down.

I reach the archway leading back into the main building. Golden light spills from the enchanted lamps, harsh after the gentle moonlight. Behind me, Eva's presence burns like a brand between my shoulder blades, but I don't turn back. Can't turn back.

My fingers brush the scar on my cheek - an old habit, a reminder of past mistakes. This is another one to add to that list. Another failure to lock away behind the walls I've built.

The door closes behind me with a heavy thud, final as a tomb.

The next days blur together in a haze of paperwork and meetings. I bury myself in reports, territory disputes, trade agreements - anything to keep my mind from wandering back to that night in the courtyard. But every document I touch reminds me of her. The ink smudges like the darkness in her eyes. The texture of parchment echoes the softness of her skin.

I avoid the dining room, taking meals in my study. Skip the evening walks where I might cross her path. The few times I glimpse her down a hallway, I turn sharply, my wings tight against my back, ignoring the pull in my chest that begs me to go to her.

But distance doesn't help. The memories follow me into sleep, haunt my waking hours. The way she'd melted against me, how perfectly she'd fit in my arms. The soft gasp she'd made when I'd first claimed her mouth. My hands clench on the arms of my chair, nails leaving fresh marks in the wood.

"Another chair?" Annalise's voice cuts through my thoughts. She stands in my study doorway, arms crossed. "That's the third one this week."

I force my fingers to relax. "Don't you have lessons?"

"Eva's not feeling well today."

Her name hits like a physical blow. My wings twitch, betraying me. Annalise's eyes narrow, too sharp, too knowing.

"Interesting reaction."

"Go to your room."

She just cocks her head. "You can't hide in here forever."

"I'm not hiding." The words come out as a growl. "I'm working."

"Right." She draws out the word. "That's why you're staring at the same page you were looking at an hour ago."

I glance down. The trade report sits unmarked, unread. Damn it.

"You're impossible lately." Annalise continues. "More brooding than usual, which I didn't think was possible. And Eva's just as bad, walking around like-"

"Enough." My wings flare, casting shadows across the room.

She grits her teeth, glaring at me, and then she turns on her heel and storms away. The regret is instant, but I don’t know what to do. With either of them.

But even after Annalise leaves, her words echo. Eva's affected too. The thought sends heat coursing through my veins, makes my control slip further. I press my forehead against the cool glass of the window, but all I can think about is how Eva's lips had tasted of starlight and surrender.

Moonlight filters through the high windows of my chambers, painting silver patterns across the ceiling. Sleep eludes me, replaced by the phantom sensation of Eva's lips against mine. My wings shift restlessly against the sheets, feathers rustling in the quiet dark.

I should regret it. Should hate myself for that moment of weakness in the courtyard. But lying here, alone with these thoughts, I can't summon the proper shame. Can't make myself wish I hadn't pulled her close, hadn't tasted the sweetness of her mouth.

My fingers trace the scar on my cheek, the familiar ridge a poor distraction from memories of how she'd trembled against me. How her hands had clutched at my shirt, desperate and wanting. The way her breath had hitched when I'd-

"Fuck." The word echoes in the emptiness of my room.

I roll onto my side, wings spreading across the massive bed. The sheets still smell of nothing but me - no trace of another's scent, no warmth but my own. The space beside me stretches vast and cold, mocking me with its emptiness.

My nails dig into the mattress. The taste of her haunts me, sweeter than wine, more intoxicating than any spirit. Each time I close my eyes, I see her face in the moonlight, feel the soft press of her body against mine.

The empty spot above my heart - where a soul bond should have been, would have been with Sera - tingles with phantom sensation. Empty. Waiting. My wings curl forward, wrapping around me like a shield, but they can't protect me from the ache in my chest, the pull toward something I can't allow myself to have.

I don't regret it. That's the truth that keeps me from sleeping, that makes my blood burn hot in my veins. I want more. Want to kiss her again, to claim her mouth properly this time. To mark her as mine, to complete what I started in that courtyard.

The thought sends heat coursing through me, dangerous and wild. My wings snap open, feathers bristling with unspent energy. The ceiling offers no answers, just shadows and silence and the weight of everything I shouldn't want.