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Chapter Eighty-Five

LUNA

My mouth tastes like cardboard and my throat tingles.

He is not here. The clock says it’s sixteen o’clock.

Four p.m. Diffuse light pours through the open door to the outer bedroom.

The sun is still up, but not for long. He should be here, and I should have been up hours ago. I guess I’m keeping vampire hours now.

In the bedroom, the light around the edge of the drapes is a dim orange. The bed is unmade and there’s a lump under the covers.

It must be Carmine—who loves me.

I sit on the edge of the bed and shake him, peeking under the covers.

It’s not him.

I bolt up and snap open the drapes. The hair is too long and the skin is too dark. I was right. “Mom!”

“What?” She gets up, leaning on one elbow and blocking the sun with the other.

“Are you all right?” I climb back on to the bed. “I was worried sick.”

“Were you?” She moves her arm away from her face. Her eyes are hidden behind scar tissue. Her right eye is sealed shut, and the other is half open to reveal a sliver of white orb. She waves her arm in front of her, feeling for me.

I take her hand. “Can you see me?”

“The left still sees light and some movement.” Her emotions are messy. I can’t sort the trauma from the confidence. “How does it look?”

“I mean… not great? But the wounds aren’t open? How?” I spot the huge, half-healed wound on her neck. “Ah. Magic spit venom.”

“Yeah.” She touches the space and winces. “That was…”

“I am so sorry. But it’s not your fault. What he did, it was wrong no matter what, even if he made you enjoy it.”

“You can stuff the therapy-talk right up your?—”

“Okay, Ma. Jeeze.”

“Jeeze yourself.” She puts her arm back over her eyes. “Dumbass blinded me so I couldn’t see his energy. As if it’s in the eyes.”

“Do you want to go to a doctor?”

“So I can explain how this happened last night?” She moves her arm and points at eyes that are blind, but mostly healed, then puts her arm back.

“I can feel the weirdness coming off you. So here it is, up front. He didn’t know how to make it sexual, and I wasn’t inclined.

But it got…” She pauses to find the word. “Deep?”

She moves her arm away. I hate seeing her face the way it is, but I’m so glad to see her.

“I thought you were dead.”

“Not yet, Lunagirl.”

“There was so much violence, Mom. But I’m going to take care of you. Don’t worry about a thing.”

“I’m not worried.”

That’s the truth. She isn’t worried at all. She’s confused. She’s grieving. Some of the shapes around her match a kind of love I’ve never seen around her before, and others are familiar.

“You’re in thrall.” I hold back another I’m sorry. “To Laro.”

“He said I was.”

Fuck this kid forever.

“Did he tell you not to worry about your eyes?”

“He said not to be upset. It fucking worked. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not,” I say.

“How do you deal with it? It’s so much. ”

“I know.”

“I’d do anything for him. Anything. He doesn’t even have to ask. It’s not what I felt for your father.” She squeezes my hand and turns her head in my direction. “It’s what I should have felt for you.”

“That’s…” I have so many choices that I pick none. That’s terrible. That’s great, congratulations. That’s wild. That’s interesting, tell me more. I choose to not have an opinion yet. “That’s a thing you just admitted to my face.”

“I didn’t have a child with my whole self. Now… it’s beautiful. You deserved this, but I couldn’t.”

“Okay, so don’t be confused. It’s not the same. He just thinks of you as a living feeder. It’s not real.”

“Oh, it’s real.” She smiles like a cat with canary feathers in her teeth. “Very real.”

Her emotions don’t look like those of a woman who was just violently blinded. I read the satisfaction of a lottery winner. The gratification of a marathon runner crossing the finish line. The quiet thrill of a confidante who’s about to reveal a secret.

“Mom, what did you do?”

“I plucked his fucking string.”