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Chapter Fifty-Three

LUNA

Mom gets a room with a closet full of clothes to change into, fresh towels, and a new toothbrush. Her windows face the bright lights of Malcolm X Boulevard. I draw the curtains, and in a role reversal she is too tired to object to, I tuck her in.

“Good night, Ma.”

She pulls my arm to sit me on the edge of the bed.

“I think I knew,” she says, holding my hand. “I loved you so much… but you scared the fuck out of me.”

“I scared you ?”

“There’s a reason these things… hair color, facial features, talents, powers… think about the survival of the species. What would happen if you have this child… what if they’re so different you don’t understand them?”

“I’m not sure that’s how evolution works.”

“I’m not making excuses for what I did to you.

I just… I remember it, but it feels like someone else did it.

A person who didn’t understand how you—this powerful creature—came from me.

” She lets go of my hand and looks at the ceiling.

“A good person wouldn’t have done what I did no matter how scared they were.

” She covers her eyes. “I have to believe I’m not evil. I have to make it up to you.”

“You don’t. I mean, you kinda can’t. So, whatever.”

“I’m not asking for forgiveness.” She takes her hand off her eyes to put them on me. “You don’t owe me that.”

“Look, Ma, just… yes, you fucked me up, and if I think about it for more than two minutes, I get really mad. I’ve been laughing it all off forever, which isn’t healthy, but it was my best option.” I realize that’s a lie as soon as it’s out of my mouth. “Besides rewriting your emotions, which?—”

“—was self-defense. You did what you had to do. I was the mother. I did worse.”

“Fine.” I shrug to surrender the point. She can exonerate me all she wants. It’s not my business. “I think if I had to pick a thing to be really pissed about, it’s not the cutting or the constant tension around you. Or the fake reality or not getting vaccinated or?—”

“I get it.”

“It’s that Dad was cut off. I wasn’t even allowed to miss him.”

She sucks in her lips and presses her teeth together before answering. “That couldn’t be helped.”

“Really, Ma?”

“Yes. Now go to bed.” She turns her back to me. “You’re tired.”