Page 108 of Deadly Knight

They noticed the change in my schedule and have commented on it, but haven’t asked outright why. Which I’m grateful for because I’d prefer not to lie to them, but Ireallydon’t want to tell them about any recent events involving Russia and Dimitri.

Carl, the middle-aged owner of the gym, greets me and completes my check-in before returning to helping the receptionist with something on the computer. I head to the back to change and store my stuff before finding my trainer, Bailey.

The gym’s really good with assigning different trainers for varied experiences, but Bailey’s the only one I’ve ever worked with. This way, I don’t get paired with a man because practicing getting out of holds with a strange guy I barely know—if atall—without having weeks of work-up to build trust wasn’t happening.

Maybe it’d be worth trying soon.

“Welcome,” the no-nonsense woman greets from one end of the mat. “Good day so far?”

“It’s a day.” After the session, especially today’s topic,thisis precisely what I need to get me through to the evening. It’ll exhaust my body enough that hopefully sleep will come quickly tonight, and I won’t be up late thinking about everything I talked about with Ava. Overthinking is tomorrow’s task.

“Let’s start with stretching.”

Bailey leads me through the typical exercises and explains the benefits of more practice of breaking from holds—something I’m more than okay with because one never knows when they may find themselves caught in something they shouldn’t be. It would have been useful in a few instances since the day Ivan trapped me in the park.

When I first began self-defence lessons, Ava recommended I imaginetheirfaces while fighting the trainers, and though I considered it, I opted not to let them through my wall, even in this controlled environment, because I couldn’t be sure I’d get them back over it as easily.

Since returning, there’s been no one’s face replacing Bailey. There’s been lessons where I remain entirely present. Maybe it’s the images of their bloodied and broken bodies that reassure metheywon’t be attacking me. They’re not who I’ll be defending myself against from here on out. If Bailey noticed my different behaviour, she’s never said so.

Today, however, is different. Maybe it’s the conversation with Ava, but when Bailey has me in a leglock, it’s Bald One’s face I’m seeing as he tries to tie the rope around my ankles and wrists by pinning me down.

When I punch Bailey’s arm pads, it’s Greasy One and I’m hitting the knife from his hand.

When I kick and trip Bailey, I’m knocking down Skinny One before he has a chance to kneel between my legs.

And when I get Bailey in a hold, it’s Bodybuilder One and I won’t let go until he releases Dimitri and I.

“Time,” Bailey calls with a T motion of her hands. She’s bent over on her knees, breathing heavily, while I’m downright panting like a dog left in the summer heat for too long. “You had some vigour today.”

“I needed it.”

She straightens, resting her hands on her hips. “Clearly. You did good, Katya. Some real challenges for me there. If you were ever attacked, you’d have a damn good chance, no matter their size. You’re smart. As long as your head remains straight and you stay focused and don’t allow panic to take over, you’ll be fine.”

Words that mean more than she’ll ever know.

I left Russia and all it has behind me, and while I don’t exactly know what I’m preparing so hard for, deep down…I think I do.

Later that night,I pull out the book I haven’t in years: my diary.

The walls are down. I’ve been faced with Ivan again. I’ve seen Dimitri and survived—albeit barely. What more can these memories do to me?

So I reread my past, starting from the first entry about some school drama or whatever, going to when I met Dimitri, andthen graduation night, the chaotic entries afterwards, and finally the single entry following before I stopped writing in the book.

Before I tuck it away, I find a pen and jot one more quick entry:

Dear Diary,

Been some time. Almost ten years to be exact. It feels right to bridge the gap between now and when life went to hell, and update on one fact:

I’m alright.

I’m better than I thought possible.

I went to Russia, was faced with Ivan, saw Dimitri, and survived it all.

I don’t know what’s next, but whatever it is, I’ll handle it.

I’m becoming strong enough to.