Page 102

"It wasn't even that long ago that she died, but I can't conjure the image of her face anymore," Hakon scoffed as he shook his head before dropping it.

"Everything about her that made me feel alive is all I remember, everything she stood for when it came to my freedom.

How wretched is that? Can you even call that love? "

His guilt dripped from every word of his confession until it coated the air around them. Dahlia could hear what he was really asking: did he only love her for what she was to him or did he love her for her?

Unable to answer for him, she remained silent as he spoke again.

"Weeks ago, in a tavern hidden in the center of the city, Maude and I had spoken briefly about our responsibilities.

I said we should get to choose for ourselves," he explained.

"We should get to choose how we live, who we love, how we rule.

Our entire futures as Heirs to our thrones had been prewritten for us not only by the gods but by our parents as well.

Then to find out that our kingdoms weren't always ruled by power, but by democracy, like the Elven, felt like I was right to rebel against my upbringing. "

Without realizing it, Hakon had just confirmed her suspicion— that he felt caged, felt like he couldn't choose what he wanted for himself.

The strict upbringing he and Maude each shared had festered something inside of them.

For Maude, it was trust. She trusted no one but herself, even when the truth was within her grasp.

For Hakon, it was his sense of identity.

"And now, with everything that was revealed in Hilgafell," he went on, unaware of the epiphanies happening in her mind.

"I still feel that my fate is my own, my mistakes mine to make.

But Eydis took a path forward that I cannot follow.

When she died, she left me to wander aimlessly through this life, and maybe… maybe I'm a little angry about that."

Dahlia was paralyzed, unsure of what to say or think. She had completely misjudged this man. How could she help him if she didn't even understand him?

But she wanted to understand him, she realized. She wanted to know his every thought and feeling, wanted to learn how his mind worked so she could help him.

When she didn't respond, Hakon went on, "I'm sorry to have dropped this all in your lap. You didn't ask to hear my most shameful thoughts."

"It's okay," she replied weakly, though she wasn't sure he'd caught it. "I'm happy to listen anytime."

"I shouldn't just unload like that," he muttered.

"It seems like you needed to. Sometimes, all we need is someone to sit and listen to us.

It takes great strength of self to speak aloud the things we know are wrong, even if we feel them anyway.

No one is perfect, especially Heirs of kingdoms. Though our choosing of a monarch is different from your method, the pressure is still there to be the best you can be in your family," Dahlia explained softly.

"Grief is not something that can be wished away or something that disappears one day because suddenly it feels easier to breathe again. "

Hakon turned to face her, sensing the empathy in her voice stemming from her own experience. But she didn't want to speak about her brother right now— she couldn't bear to talk about the incident that he became a victim of and how it was her fault.

"My point is, I suppose, that I can always be that person you can go to be vulnerable," she said, not quite meeting his stare. "If you'd like."

Silence lapsed again as she felt Hakon's gaze on her like a brand on her skin. She wasn't sure what he saw, but she could swear that something sparked in him that mirrored her feelings. Tension thrummed between them, her heart pulsing in her ears.

His eyes flicked to her mouth just as hers traced the contour of his lips, how they parted on a single breath before he seemed to lean in… A little closer and she could almost taste him—

A door banged open from the barracks behind them, followed by musical laughter, dragging them from their bubble.

They each shot backward like an invisible wall of fire had erupted between them that they were avoiding being burnt by.

Dahlia scrambled to her feet and backed up into the tree line as Hakon followed her, a hand extended toward her.

"I should return to my tent and rest," she breathed heavily, the air in her lungs still too thin. "Tomorrow is bound to be a long day."

Hakon only nodded even though he seemed to long to say more.

She couldn't stick around to hear it, so she turned and fled into the shadows even as her bones ached to return to his side.

Even though Elven culture encourages fluidity in relationships— their natures commanded by the world around them tended to draw three and sometimes four others into a shared relationship— Dahlia had already given away her heart to another.

Except, what she was feeling for Hakon didn't diminish or outshine what she felt for him .

If anything, it felt right. And how the Hel was she supposed to explain that to either of them?