Page 122 of Dark Breaker

He gazes out the kitchen’s floor-to-ceiling window. “If something happens to Nicolo, I’ll never forgive myself. When we were kids, I helped raise him after my mother died. I swore I’d never let anyone harm him, and I was always the first to kick the ass of any bullies who bothered him at school. I let him down so badly today, by starting this war with your brothers. And then I got sloppy after Massimo gave me a second chance. I led Nicolo and your brothers straight into the Jackal’s trap.”

He stares off into space for a moment. “I would have told the Jackal to release Nicolo, but I insisted it had to be me. Because I wanted to look for you.Hadto. And when the Jackal released me, I forgot about everything else. My brother’s well-being. Your brothers’. Even my own. I had to rescue you no matter what. But now I keep thinking: what if he dies because of me? Because of my choices.” He shakes his head. “I can understand why you were so upset about Roberto. I’m never going to do something like that again. Harm your brothers in any way.”

I nod. “I’m glad you finally understand.”

“At the back of my mind I knew I was harming you, and I think, in a way, I wanted that,” he admits. “To get back at you for running away from me.”

“Except you put him in jail before I ran away,” I remind him. “That’s the main reason why I left you.”

“No I mean, when I attacked your brothers,” he clarifies. “I could have backed down. Instead I invited them to a gunfight. And they came, happy to oblige me. Yes, I wanted to hurt you. But when I found out you were kidnapped, something snapped inside me. It was like when Massimo held my brother hostage, but ten times worse.”

He meets my eyes. “Family is the most important thing in the world.” I see the tenderness in his gaze. “You’re my family now.”

Those words make the hope well inside me. I’m quiet for several moments, unsure how to broach the topic that’s on my mind.

“Family… so are we still only friends who fuck?” I finally ask.

He studies me uncertainly. “Well… yes, we’re friends.”

“And that’s it?” I ask.

“What more do you want?” he answers. “What more is there?”

I shake my head. “But you just said we were family.”

His brow furrows. “We are. That’s why we’re friends.”

I sigh. “Don’t you believe in love?”

He purses his lips. “Ah, so that’s what this is about. I told you before, if I wasn’t mafioso, I would have loved you with all my heart. But there’s no room in my heart for love. I’m a machine. Logical when it comes to business. Cold when it comes to killing. You asked if I believe in love?” He pauses to consider. “I’m not sure that I do. I’m not sure I even know what love is. I’ve never loved anyone. How am I supposed to know what it feels like?”

I won’t lie. I’m disappointed. After everything we’ve been through he still doesn’t love me.

Why is it that Carlo could express his love for me so freely, Carlo, my crazy ex-boyfriend who kidnapped me, and Fabio can’t?

I remember my brother Massimo’s words.

If you love someone, you know it through and through.

Shit fuck.

He doesn’t love me, then.

We’re friends who fuck. Nothing more.

Or so he says. But maybe hedoeslove me and just doesn’t know it? He claims he doesn’t know what it feels like. Well, actions speak louder than words: he saved me, rescuing me against all odds. Maybe it was partly for the alliance, yes, but I doubt he would have done it if he didn’t love me.

“I do care for you,” he says. “I hope that’s good enough.”

I smile sadly. “It’ll have to be.”

“I’m going to take a shower,” he adds. “Feel free to join me.”

I watch him go, staring at that muscular, sexy butt the whole time.

I sigh.

I can’t believe I let myself fall for him. Do I regret it? I’m not sure that I do.