Page 39

Danger

Race day. Normally on race days, I’m as calm as can be, but not today. Today there’s a different type of energy floating through the air. It’s thick, suffocating me just a bit. My head needs to be in the game, and I try to eradicate every thought I’m having that isn’t related to racing.

Especially Monterey.

She deserves better. And I’m not that guy.

“You ready for today?” Mike asks me as I step into the garage.

“I’m fine.” I sound like a woman. Saying the word fine but really meaning you have a million things running through your head that are entirely not fine.

“Listen, you haven’t had the easiest past few weeks. If we need to sub in a driver, we can do that.”

I shake my head, looking into Mike’s worried eyes. “No, I’m fine.”

“Okay, buddy.” He pats me on the shoulder as he walks by.

“I just need some time alone.”

He nods and leaves the garage, leaving me alone with my Indy race car. I run my hands over the glossy red paint, feeling the energy the car gives off. Sure, you may think I’m crazy, but I believe cars represent the energy of life.

They each have something special to give as they burn through their fuel. Just working as hard as they can to get through the next curve life throws their way. Or in their case, the track. I study the frame of the car, trying my best to get my head into the right mindset for today’s race. I haven’t seen Monterey yet today, but I know she’s here. I can almost feel her in my bones.

There’s a slight breeze that glides through the air from the open garage. It’s noisy and I can hear all the fans getting ready to watch the race. The speedway is getting packed, and I close my eyes, trying to remember why I’m doing this.

I want a new life. I want something different for me. I don’t want to be known as a freak. Dylan Wheeler, son of a serial killer.

That’s not who I am. And it’s not what I want for my life moving forward. I breathe in deep, smelling the grease and fuel mixed in with all the wonders race day can have. The engines out on the track, getting ready for the race, sound off, and I remember why I love this as much as I do.

I really do love it.

I take another deep breath, letting my mind clear of all the craziness over the past few days. Who cares if people know where I come from?

I should be proud of the fact I survived.

I trace the car over, letting my mind get ready for this race. Monterey pops into my head, and I can’t let go of the image of her the other day. When she wanted more. More. I don’t know if I’m capable of giving her more.

I want to be the man she deserves. I really do, but something is holding me back and I’m not sure what that something is.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m not programmed that way. Maybe I’ll forever be alone. Whatever the case may be, I still don’t think I’ll be able to let her go.

I picture Thad with his arm around her and I almost lose my cool. How am I supposed to be around this woman and not feel some sort of universal pull toward her. It’s like I’ve tripped into her orbit and now I’m stuck. Stuck feeling like I won’t ever be able to let this girl go.

A warmth spreads throughout my chest, aching because Monterey isn’t here. Have I lost her?

I picture back on our time together and realize I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life before. The thought of not always being around this woman guts me to the core. I do love her. But, now what?

I already told her I couldn’t be that guy.

“You about ready?” Mike calls in.

“Yeah.” My heart hammers inside my chest, knowing full well I need to tell Monterey I love her before it’s too late. Before some other schmuck is lucky enough to sweep her off her feet. No, I want to be the one to do that.

She’s mine, no one else’s.

I grab my helmet off the chair, knowing I need to win this race today and then prove to Monterey I’ll love her for the rest of my life.

I want to be with her forever, to build a future together.

“Danger, got a minute?” Mandarin stands close to the entrance to the speedway, and I rush over toward him.

I shake his hand. “Hey man, how are you?”

He places a hand over his side. “Still a little sore, but doctors are confident I’ll be able to return to racing next season.”

“That’s great news.” I hang my head in shame. “Listen, I want to apologize for that day. My head…”

He cuts in, his accent heavy and thick. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault.” I want to interrupt, but I let him keep talking, “Our job is a rough one. Everyone thinks it’s easy to drive a car around a track. But, you have to remember that death is lurking just around the corner.” He smiles and nods over at someone standing behind me, and I turn my head to see who it is.

Lilah.

“Tell the people you love how much you love them, because you never know when your number’s up.”

Lilah moves closer to Mandarin and he wraps her into his arms. “Get out there and win this race,” she says.

I nod. “Sure thing.”

“Oh, and Danger,” Lilah says. “Monterey cares so much about you. I’ve never seen her this hung up on someone before.”

I shrug. “Well, it’s the same as with Thad, right?”

Lilah shakes her blonde head. “No, this is so much more. Monterey never loved Thad.”

Mandarin and her walk away and I say my goodbyes.

Love. That word again.

Does Monterey love me?

I guess there’s really only one way to find out.