Page 21

Danger

I run warm water over a cloth and bring it back to Monterey, cleaning up the mess I made against her porcelain skin. “I wanted to see you.”

As soon as I’m done taking care of her, I stand back, letting her have an ounce of space. “Do you hate me?” I’m sure she does. Who doesn’t hate me?

But, I needed to do this. I needed to bring every wall she’s ever erected to keep men at arm’s length crashing down, so I could see the real her.

The exposed her.

I’m a selfish bastard, and yes, I needed it. Call me sick. Call me what you will, but I needed her. And I still do.

She shakes her head slowly. “I don’t hate you.”

And with those words I give her what I know she needs. I pick her up, cradling her head against my chest, bringing her to the couch in our suite as I sit down, and place her over my lap.

I take the blanket I’ve been using to sleep with and wrap her in it, rocking her gently. “It’s going to be ok.”

I know her feelings right now are raw, and she’s most likely a bit overwhelmed. But, I’ll hold her like this all night if that’s what it takes.

She moves her head up, so she’s staring right into my eyes, and I try my best to keep her gaze. Now I’m the one feeling vulnerable.

“I feel like for the first time you can really see me.”

I trace the lines of her face, her jaw, her cheek, and then I swipe the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip. God, I want to kiss her. I want to fucking kiss her so badly. But I know with one touch of our lips together it would bring all my very own walls I’ve built over the years tumbling down in an instant. It would bring my house-of-cards life I’m trying desperately to hold together spinning into her orbit.

And I can’t allow that to happen.

So instead, I talk to her. “The first time I got behind the steering wheel of a car, I knew I was a goner. I knew that this was it for me. I loved driving. Not only loved, but I was good at it.”

She cups my cheek, tracing my jawline. “How old were you?”

I stare down at her. “Ten.”

And then I continue to ramble, “I started straight with cars, and then backtracked to quarter-midgets.” I laugh at the thought, getting a different type of childhood most drivers in the industry are used to.

She listens, her eyes studying my face.

“I was scared at first, but I knew I wasn’t going to let this world win. I knew I had something to prove. Kav’s the one who helped me get into racing. And I felt the control there. I knew I could control this vehicle that weighs more than me. It was this exhilarating feeling.”

“You like having control, don’t you?”

I smile, how little she knows. If only she knew that the control is all an act. That I’m trying my best to pretend I have control. But, in all honesty, it’s more like a parlor trick, like I’m pretending to control everything in my life, when I’m definitely not. “Mmm.”

She laughs a sweet laugh. One that could make a regular man fall in love. Not me, but a regular man. “I knew you did.”

I wish I could be that type of man for her. But, it’s not in me to give her the fantasy she wants.

No, I’m on one mission. Win the race and get the money. And now, after speaking with Rayna, I feel like I am one step closer toward my goal.

But, having Monterey bare her soul to me tonight, I know I can’t leave her like this. Now that I have her I have to at least try to be the man.

Even if it is all pretend.

Even if after the season is over, I’ll be gone and I’ll never see her again.