Page 35 of Cross Checking (Off the Bench #2)

ERIK

Once again, I wake up at six to a goodnight message from Luke.

The news he got from his company put a massive damper on our good moods and his plans to move to Sweden.

He was all set to come here this month, arranging to store some stuff at his parents’ house and getting quotes to ship the rest over, but he didn’t want to pull the trigger until he’d sorted his job out.

That isn’t materializing anytime soon, based on his glum updates.

Still, there’s some kind of thin silver lining to him staying in Canada for a while longer. Even though Alvik didn’t win the Le Mat Trophy this year, Nils and I were invited to coach at an elite training camp in Minnesota for a month, where our coach said that there would be NHL scouts.

Nils turned down the offer in favor of training closer to home, saying that the scouts could come to him. Me, on the other hand? I think it’s a good chance for scouts to assess me for what they call “leadership and team culture management,” whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Besides, Minnesota is a hell of a lot closer to Toronto than Sweden is. I’m flying out tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to the smaller time difference. And, after the camp ends, I won’t say no to spending time at Luke’s apartment again.

While I think we’re killing it at this long-distance relationship thing, the two of us want this distance to be over. We’re at around the three-month mark, and even though we aren’t sappy, weird, and new anymore, hearing from Luke still makes me all excited in a calm way. That hasn’t changed.

I’m in the middle of packing for camp, and I’m hit with another pang of missing Luke. It’s a reasonable hour in Toronto, so I flop down on my bed and call him.

“Hey, babe,” he says, because of course he does. Whenever I think that Luke can’t possibly get any cuter, he pulls something new out that makes me go all soft inside. “Whatcha doing?”

“Nothing much, just packing and cleaning my apartment.”

“Nice! Are you excited?”

“Yeah, for sure. I don’t know what my schedule is going to be like, but I’ll keep you posted.”

Luke nods. “For sure. I’m sure I can take some time off and visit you.”

Even though I’d love to see Luke whenever I can, my stomach still drops at the thought of him using even more vacation to see me. He already visited me for a week, and he shouldn’t have to use his limited vacation time for my sake, not when I’m off for the rest of the summer.

“Sounds great,” I say. “But I’ll visit you, too.”

Luke’s eyes flick off to the side as he bites his lower lip, the gesture giving me pause as to what he’s about to say, while also reminding me, yet again, how attracted I am to him.

“I wish…” He sighs. “I wish I could go back to Sweden with you after your camp is done.”

“Same here. I miss you so much, Lukey.”

He smiles, but it’s weak. “You know, I’ve been thinking about this,” he says, and I freeze.

There are so many ways he could continue that sentence, and very few of those ways are good.

“I’m going to put a limit on trying to move with my company,” he continues, “if it doesn’t end up working out, I’ll take a leave of absence, go to Sweden, and live off my savings for a year if I have to. Or maybe I’ll quit.”

I choke on the sip of water that I took before Luke dropped that bombshell of a revelation on me. He’s planning to do what ?

“Say again?” I ask, in case I didn’t hear him correctly the first time.

“If I can’t find a job that lets me live in Sweden, I can take a year of personal leave, move to Sweden, and use that time to get my paperwork in order.”

That doesn’t sound healthy at all. He wouldn’t be dependent on me, but uprooting himself and coming here without anything lined up?

That’s wild, especially since he only got his job a year ago.

Sure, I crave Luke every single goddamn day, but if he puts his career on hold to be with me, I don’t think I could live with myself.

“You can’t do that,” I tell him, without thinking first. “You have a career, and you shouldn’t toss that out to follow me.”

“It’s no big deal. I could use a break, especially since I haven’t really had one since I started university almost five years ago.”

“Luke.” My voice is firm. “You’ve been at your job for a year and now you’re talking about going on leave for the same amount of time. That’s…” Suicide is a harsh word. “… going to set you back.”

He clasps his hands together and rests his forehead on his fingertips. “Do you not want me to move?”

“I want you here so fucking bad,” I say quickly, and Luke’s posture softens a little. “But you shouldn’t give up your job without anything lined up. It’s too early for you to gamble with something like your career.”

Luke drags his face down behind his palms and grips his hair. “I know that. I’m just so fucking lonely here.”

While I’d suspected that, hearing Luke vocalize it so directly makes my heart break for him.

“And it’s not for lack of trying, either,” he continues. “Nobody talks to anyone in this city, especially in the dead of winter.”

God, that’s brutal . I used to be surprised to find out that someone with Luke-level charisma has a hard time making friends, but even Nils admits he’d be alone if it wasn’t for the team. It’s rough everywhere, I guess.

“Jesus, I need a change of scenery. Trying to meet people here is exhausting as hell,” he says.

I huff, which makes Luke’s head jerk up on my screen. “And you think it’s any better in Stockholm? Toronto is a beacon of extroversion compared to here, where half the damn country makes friends in daycare and sticks with the same five people for the rest of their lives.”

“Well, what about the other half?”

“The other half still speaks Swedish. By coming here, you’d essentially limit your social life to me, my limited number of friends, and immigrants from other English-speaking countries who often move back home within a year or two.”

Luke, defeated, walks from his office into the living room and flops down on the sofa.

“You got any more honesty for me?” he asks. I’ve known Luke for enough time to catch on to his sarcasm. “Sorry, I’m being snarky, but I want to hear it. I trust you to give it to me straight up.”

I hesitate for a short moment. “Limiting your social life to me would be unhealthy, and that’s putting it lightly.”

He replies immediately. “I know. I don’t want that for me, and I don’t want to impose that on you.” There’s a beat of silence, and Luke’s face falls even more. “None of that changes the fact that I miss you.”

“I miss you too. I crave you all the damn time, and even though it might sound like I’m listing off reasons for you not to move, I want you here with me.” Pausing to let out a breath, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “But missing each other isn’t a good enough reason to be hasty.”

“Yeah, I understand. It’s why I’m only throwing it out there as an option. Like a backup plan.”

“It shouldn’t be on the cards. You’re so smart and talented. You’re the most career-stable twenty-two-year-old I know, and you shouldn’t think about throwing that away.”

Luke stares back at me through the camera, silent and expressionless. “Anyway,” he says, standing up. “You have a flight to catch tomorrow. You should go and pack.”

Sheesh. That’s abrupt.

Luke’s face darkens and he backpedals. “Erik, I’m not hanging up on you because I’m annoyed or anything, but this conversation wasn’t going anywhere. We could probably take some time to think or whatever. You’re right, but I still miss you tons.”

“Got it,” I say with a bit more forced cheer.

“Bye, Erik. Safe travels.”

“Thanks.”

We could probably take some time to think or whatever.

That doesn’t sound like we’re working through this as a team, but I don’t know if my stance on his whole “moving to Sweden without a plan” idea is going to change.

Luke deserves the world. And not a world where he screws his career up and lives in a Stockholm apartment that’s empty for half the time.