Page 50 of Crescendo

She smirked. “Tell me you wouldn’t. Just try it.”

“Of course I fucking would. Have you met her? She’s… incandescent.”

Sian laughed. “She’s a little obnoxious, but that’s clearly what you like and I support that.

Plus, she’s ridiculously hot.” She twisted in her seat to look at me more seriously.

“And I support you doing what you have to do to realise these aren’t ‘two months and it’s over’ feelings.

She’s helped you find your way back, Ella.

I honestly don’t think that’s ever going away, you know? ”

I groaned. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”

“Welcome back to life. It sucks and it’s beautiful.”

“ She’s beautiful,” I said, a little petulantly.

Sian laughed again. “And you’re just trying to let that go? Yeah, good luck.”

∞∞∞

We ended the day by splitting into practice session groups. Each of us had to perform a small snippet of the composition we were planning to turn in.

Lydia sat beside me having just performed her snippet for the group. She was present physically, but that was all.

I wanted her to come back, be present. Be Lydia again. It felt like when she’d pulled back after my breakdown. She was still going through the motions, still touched me and kissed my cheek and spoke, but last night had shattered something in her too.

She’d hated her piece all day. Convinced it was something she’d never love.

All I could think about was when she’d picked up the violin to join me and Clara last night.

She’d loved that. Everyone could see it.

And her piece was incredible, without a doubt the most accomplished piece that was going to be submitted.

But I could finally see what she was talking about.

The piece was beautiful and moving and technically perfect, but it was missing her soul.

You couldn’t see that in her music if you didn’t know her—or you weren’t a career musician, I supposed—but, now that I knew her, now that I’d listened to her for weeks talking about music, teaching me music, and talking about the places she couldn’t get her spark back, I could see it.

I felt I’d spend the rest of my life listening to Lydia’s music and knowing exactly her emotional state when she composed it.

Perhaps that was why we worked so well together musically—we spoke a language together that was something bigger than we could say with words.

We understood each other through music more than I’d ever thought it possible to understand another person.

And maybe I was making life more difficult for her right now, but maybe there was something I could give her that would help…

Papa had texted earlier, in the family group chat, showing off a new outfit for tonight. A sequined suit with flared trousers.

Maybe Lydia needed some sequins right now.

Class ended and I slipped my hand into hers, trying so hard to ignore the emotional twist in my chest—something between excitement at being able to do that, devastation at the idea of it coming to an end soon, and the prickly fear that had spiked up every time we’d interacted since last night.

“Come with me,” I whispered, moving to pull her from the room.

She shot me a confused look, but allowed herself to be dragged along.

“Come on,” I said, feeling a little giddy. “We’re going to miss our train.”

“How can we miss something I didn’t know we were doing?” she asked, jogging slightly to catch me up as we fled out of the Crescendo building.

I laughed. “In truth, I don’t know if we are going to miss it, I still need to book the tickets, and there will be another one soon even if we miss the next one, but still. It’s more—”

“—exciting this way,” she finished.

I smiled. Exactly that.

Exactly this. Her, me, some wild, ridiculous mission, and someone who could finish my sentences and just always be on the same page as me.

I couldn’t give this up. Couldn’t give her up.

The force of it hit me like a wall as we raced towards the Underground station.

It wasn’t practical and it wasn’t logical, and I had no idea how we’d ever make it work—and trying something so tricky and complicated with someone you’d only known for two months was ridiculous—but I couldn’t not want to try.

The thought of losing her from my life was more than I could bear.

And I’d been through enough things I couldn’t bear.

I’d put myself away long enough for one lifetime.

I needed her in my life, needed to… give her everything she wanted in life.

We finally stopped moving as we crammed onto the Tube with the rush hour crowd and she looked down at me with a confused face.

I didn’t care if she was confused if it brought her back to me, and she was back.

The distant look in her eyes was gone. I knew it would probably come back, but, for one wild, beautiful moment, pressed against her on the Tube, surrounded by a hundred people living vibrant, London lives, she looked at me like I was the only thing in the world and she’d follow me on any wild adventure I ever wanted to take her on.

“Where are we going?” she asked, amused.

I shook my head. “Nope. It’s a surprise.”

“But I hate surprises.”

“No, you don’t. You love surprises.”

“Ugh. Fine. I love them when I’m feeling spoiled, but right now, I’m feeling curious.”

“It’s not too far, don’t worry. And, hopefully, it will be worth it.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “That just makes me more curious.”

I laughed. “Well, maybe I can distract you with gossip.”

Her eyebrows shot up her head. “It’ll have to be some pretty significant gossip to distract me from all this.”

The crowd was already pressing us together, but I moved impossibly closer into her, relishing the press of her body against mine, the intimacy of being able to be so close to her without having to pretend it wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be, and I looked up at her with a mischievous grin. “Guess who Bansi made out with?”

Her mouth dropped open. “ Bansi ?”

“Mm-hm. Bansi. Guess who Bansi made out with.”

“Well, whoever it was is lucky because he’s a catch, but why the hell did he tell you and not me? Doesn’t he know by this point that I need all his gossip?”

I laughed. “ He didn’t tell me.”

Her eyes flashed excitedly—so blue, so alive, so her. “The person he made out with told you? Or just someone who saw it?”

“The former.”

She blew out a breath and I watched her consider, feeling like the rest of the world was disappearing around us. “Okay, yeah, this is juicy. Clara? Dodge? Fucking Eliza? You two have been friendly the last few days. She might have told you that.”

I laughed. “Nope.”

She ran through almost everyone else we were even remotely friends with on the course before she sighed and gave up.

I laughed again, gripping her hand, and dragging her off the train to transfer lines.

We ran through the station like teenagers in love and all I could think was how much I’d missed out in recent years, how much I’d been missing out on before I met her.

How did something so complicated feel so very easy?

We made it to the platform just as the train pulled in and Lydia led the way, squeezing us into the corner of the train, my back pressed against the door and her pressing into my front.

“So?” she demanded.

I smiled, drinking her in. If I couldn’t figure out a way to make this work, this version of her was going to go away again, and soon. That didn’t feel right or fair.

I loved my job. I loved my home. My job had been my dream my whole life, and I had so little time outside of it. What did I even have to offer her?

I shook the thought off. I couldn’t ruin this moment that had snapped her out of her sadness. “Sian.”

She stared at me for several long seconds, barely even blinking. “Sian? Your Sian?”

“Do we know another one?”

“No! But how on earth did Bansi make out with Sian ?”

“Oh, that’s the best bit,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Apparently, they bonded and became friends and then had to help a friend out with some sexuality stuff they were unsure about .”

“What does that even mean? Who was unsure? And what were they unsure about?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. She didn’t say anything beyond someone feeling either gay or bi. Maybe you can get better answers from her than I can.”

“Oh, you better believe it, because we need answers.” She narrowed her eyes. “You’ve known this since last night when you went over there?”

“Uh, yes?”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

I felt the moment we both remembered everything else that happened last night, our bodies locking down. I refused to let her slip away again.

I forced an upbeat tone into my voice. “If you recall, we were rather preoccupied helping you… process the fact that Melinda’s sleeping with—”

“Yes. Thank you.” She closed her eyes and shuddered in distaste, but her muscles relaxed. She was still with me.

I bit down on a smile. “Maybe when we make it to our overground train, you can text Sian and ask her all the questions you want.”

Without seeming to even think about it, she leaned in to press a kiss to my lips.

Being with her in secret was amazing enough, being hers in public was a whole other thing entirely. It made my head swim.

“You’re a genius, Ella, and a gift to the world.”

I laughed. “All because I’ll give you Sian’s number?”

“Yes. And everything else. Don’t forget about that.”

“You should be more worried about the fact that Sian’s going to be delighted to have your number. Wouldn’t be the first time she’s asked.”

“Oh, don’t worry, she’ll live to regret that.” She shot me a devious smile and I laughed, tightening my arms around her waist.

She was unbelievably perfect.

And she remained that way the entire train journey out to Harpenden, where she paid very little attention to the announcements, too wrapped up in texting Sian to demand answers.

She shot me a sidelong glance when we left the station and started the walk to my dads’ place. “Bougie. This is one of those leafy green suburbs , huh?”