Page 25 of Crescendo

Maybe she’d be okay with it, maybe she wouldn’t.

But, what did it matter? In two months, we’d be strangers again, and I didn’t want to break down on her now, or burden her with my grief when what she was already doing was helping so much.

What we had was good. It was right for a casual relationship.

Grief was not casual. Family history was not casual.

It was big and serious and something the two of us couldn’t have together.

The second I told her, her whole view of me would change.

Everything that existed between us would change.

I couldn’t ruin her time at Crescendo with my damage.

I pulled my hand out from under both of theirs, gulped my drink, and shuttered up my feelings, blinking away the tears. I could see them watching me do it, just as they had a million times before.

“She’s more of a romantic than you’d think,” I said, changing the subject, though I wasn’t helping my cause. Telling them she was romantic didn’t quite work with the whole casual thing, did it? It was the only thing I could think of to say.

They knew the drill. They sat up and—because they really were amazing friends—they slipped back into the earlier, teasing tone. It took a minute for the concern to leach out of their faces, but I could pretend to ignore that.

“She’s a composer,” Sian pointed out. “Sounds pretty romantic to me just as a baseline.”

I paused. “Okay. Fair point.”

We laughed again and I was grateful for it. “You know what I mean, though.”

Sian shot me a look. “You mean that she makes love rather than just fucking?”

“Oh, my god. That’s not what I mean.”

“So, she does fuck?”

“How many details are you going to try to get from me before you’re satisfied? This isn’t supposed to be a big thing.”

“Interesting choice of word.”

“Uh—”

Alisha laughed. “You’re saying she’s good in bed? Shocker. She’s good with her hands and cares about you. Sounds pretty intoxicating to me.”

“Me too,” Sian said immediately. “Sign me right up.”

A hint of jealousy flared inside of me at the idea of Lydia sleeping with Sian. That wasn’t fair—we were casual and Lydia wasn’t even interested in Sian—but I couldn’t quite stop it.

I needed to change the topic. Needed them to believe it was a one-time thing.

“She’s been teaching me the cello. Last night, actually,” I said, fighting the urge to tell them everything in some weird bid to… what? Scare them off? Brag? I didn’t know this version of myself.

Sian’s eyes flashed, her eyebrows shooting up her head. “Sexy.”

Alisha shot her a look. “You think cellos are sexy?”

She shrugged. “Not the cello itself, more cellists.”

I rolled my eyes. “You just think musicians are hot.”

“Oh, and you’re telling me you don’t? You didn’t think it was hot when she was telling you how to hold the bow and draw it over the strings?” she laughed.

My body tingled. “She didn’t really tell me how to do that.”

Alisha narrowed her eyes. “What’s that emphasis?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly.

They both laughed.

“Oh,” Sian said pointedly. “She didn’t tell you but she did… show you?”

“It’s not like that.” My voice was little more than a squeak.

“Did you like it?”

“What do you think?”

“I think…” She laughed. “I think you ended up in bed with her, so I’m guessing you did.”

“Mm.”

“Oh, you really liked it.”

Of course I fucking liked it. I had a hot woman pulling my legs apart to put a cello there, then wrapping herself around my back and touching me up so I could play without overthinking it. Who wouldn’t like that?

“I’m grateful to her for… bearing with me and helping me learn to play. She’s a great teacher,” I said, keeping my voice measured.

Sian laughed. “She’s good. You deserve that.”

Alisha smiled a little more softly, nodding.

“So,” Sian said, her eyes flashing, “I think this is a good time for us to give you your gift.”

“Gift?” I frowned, looking between them.

Alisha held her hands up. “Sian’s idea.”

That didn’t bode well.

“You’ll be thanking me later,” Sian said, pulling a bag from under the table.

“What’s it even for?” I asked, bewildered. I’d just thought she’d gone shopping before meeting us.

“Think of it as a celebration gift—doing Crescendo, making it to the end of your first week, making friends… You know, the whole thing.”

I took the bag tentatively. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

“You haven’t seen what it is yet,” Alisha said, half warning, half amused.

I frowned. “Should I…?”

“Yes,” Sian said before Alisha could get a word in.

I slipped a purple gift box out of the bag. It shimmered slightly in the lights.

For reasons unknown—other than simply knowing Sian—my heart pounded nervously. I shot the two of them another look before pulling the lid up and away from the box, just a little, to peek inside.

“Oh, god. Sian!” I snapped the lid down again. “What the hell is that?”

She cackled. “What? Never tried one before? Now, I’m extra glad I got you one.”

“What—I… I… What?”

She waved a hand casually in the air. “I just thought you might be able to find someone to have some fun with it.”

I knew exactly who she thought I should be having fun with. With that.

I looked around, ensuring nobody had seen inside the box. “I cannot believe you had me opening that here.”

“It’s fine,” Sian said, glancing at the people around us. “They’re all adults. People have needs.”

“Not ones I need to… show off to an entire restaurant.”

She laughed again. “Eh. I guess exhibitionism isn’t for everyone.”

“Sian,” Alisha chastised again.

“Nobody saw, don’t worry.” She nodded at the box. “And, you’re welcome.”

I stared at her. She was unbelievable and, yet, entirely believable.

And I definitely wasn’t about to get into the fact that I didn’t necessarily mind a little exhibitionism if it was the secret, touching you up under the table kind that I’d been doing with Lydia lately…

Despite the embarrassment, it wasn’t like I couldn’t see the… potential of the gift either.

I wondered whether Lydia would like it.

∞∞∞

It wasn’t too late when we finished dinner and walked a few minutes down the street to a café, grabbing dessert to take home.

Callum hadn’t come up again, and the rest of dinner had been wonderful, but I could feel the shadow of that conversation weighing heavy in my mind and my body, making me exhausted.

I’d planned to take the Tube home but maybe I’d grab a taxi instead.

And, if I was doing that, I could bring hot drinks too…

We ordered, collected our things, and said goodbye as I flagged down a black cab, both of them hugging me tightly. I was grateful for the night with them—and the gift, even if I wasn’t sure I was ever going to tell Sian if I’d used it.

The ride home wasn’t too long, but I regretted not taking the Tube when sitting in the back of the taxi, alone, just made me dwell. My body was itching to get home, to be back with Lydia, to have her do whatever it was that let her shut down my brain until all that existed was her.

I found her in the music room, playing something a little different than usual. It was beautiful, but she stopped as soon as she saw me, looking up with delight that drooped when she seemed to see through my carefully constructed facade.

I held out the cup I was carrying. “I got you this. And this,” I said, handing her a small paper bag.

“What is it?” she asked, stifling her curiosity at whatever she was reading on my face.

“Tiramisu.”

Her face lit up. “Are you serious?”

“Completely. And it’s coffee in the cup, not tea,” I said, teasingly.

She looked at me like I was an angel descending from the heavens.

“I know it’s late, but I had a feeling you’ve only been drinking tea because of me and you might be more of a coffee drinker.”

“Excuse me, I’m drinking tea because I’m in England and that’s what you do.”

I laughed and collapsed onto the couch, still holding the gift from Sian. I probably should have put it down somewhere. “We have coffee too, you know?”

“Clearly.” She took a sip and while I’d heard the coffee there was good, it probably wasn’t quite good enough to give her the religious experience she seemed to be having.

“Good?”

“Exquisite.”

“Just like you,” I said softly.

She opened her eyes and looked at me, narrowing them only a tiny bit. “Good night?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. It was really nice seeing them and just… spending some time together.”

“But?”

She really could just see right through me, couldn’t she?

I hated that my brain wouldn’t stop buzzing, that it was there, at the edges of my lungs, making breathing more uncomfortable than it should be.

I shook my head. “It’s nothing. Just… something I don’t want to be dealing with right now.”

She looked like she wanted to push, to know what was going on with me, but I prayed that she wouldn’t.

She sipped her coffee and nodded at the bag. “What’s that?”

I smiled gratefully at her, trying to convey more than I was able to say. “Sian got me a… gift.”

“Oh?” She lit up, watching me eagerly.

“Yeah…” It hit me as if the idea hadn’t been bouncing around my head since I’d opened the box and seen its contents. “Lydia?”

“Yes, Ella?”

“Would you…” Why was it so embarrassing after everything we’d already done?

She shot me a look. “Probably, yes. Not a lot of things I won’t do. Especially with you.”

I blushed, my whole body heating up. I loved the way she just shut the rest of the world out. Still, it felt wrong to ask without explaining a little bit why I needed it.

She waited, watching me with interest.

I licked my lips and determinedly met her gaze. “I think I need to… not think right now.”

She raised her eyebrows, completely understanding what I was getting at. “Is that so?”

I hummed. “Here.”

She took the bag, setting her cup down on the small table, and pulled the box out excitedly, yanking the lid off with far more abandon than I had.

She laughed. “Sian bought you this?”

“Mm. I told you she suspected, but she’s also just… like that.” I shook my head. “Well, she thinks you’re hot, so, you know, that’s probably part of it too.”

“Is that what you want to forget about?” she asked carefully.

I shook my head. “Sorry. I know it’s not fair to—”

“It’s okay. Whatever you need. And, if you need to not think, I’m there.” She held up the box. “Do you suppose this might help?”

I bit my lip and nodded, holding her gaze and unable to stop myself from spreading my legs. “Would you wear it and fuck me?”

She smirked. “Oh, I think you can try it a little more bossy than that.”

I laughed but nodded, and my voice dropped when I looked her up and down. “Lydia, wear that strap and fuck me, hard, into this couch.”