Page 59 of Crazy In Love (Love & War #2)

CHRIS

It’s not so bad, really. Standing in front of a couple hundred people, everyone’s eyes turned toward us while Alana and Tommy surprised their guests with a wedding instead of… whatever the hell this party was first intended to be.

Sure, people looked at us. And yeah, guys looked at Fox.

How could they not, when she’s so fucking pretty and so shamelessly stood out in red?

None of this is as horrible as I would’ve expected it to feel had I had six months to overthink the idea of being my brother’s best man.

Six months of suit fittings and practice dinners, wedding talk, and speeches— fuck, I haven’t considered my speech yet . Six months of what if it rains ? And maybe I could convince Ollie to stand up for me instead .

Honestly, nothing could feel as gut-wrenching as being in the same room as the woman I love… while she considers us just friends .

“Beer?” Tommy crosses from the makeshift bar with two glass bottles in his hands and his tie already hanging loose around his neck.

Music plays, and guests chatter. The space we normally teach kids in, is now a dance floor.

People we see every single day laugh and sway.

Others, we see once a year… or almost never, join in like they’ve been a part of our world all along.

And then there’s Fox in the middle of it all, gleefully dancing with the little boy who does not want to dance at all.

If that’s not the perfect representation of me and her, then I don’t know what is .

Tommy taps my shoulder with the bottle, plopping into the chair on my left. “Not sure where you’re at with all that, but your staring is kinda obvious. I think even Alana is noticing now.”

“Hmm?” I accept the beer, and because he’s looking somewhere else, I follow his gaze to a not-so-happy Alana, who glares right back. “Why’s she mad at me?”

“Like I said.” He twists the cap off his beer and slides it into his pocket. “She hasn’t said shit to me, but I reckon she knows. Did you do something to hurt her?”

“Alana?”

“No, Fox. People have been hurting Alana her whole life. She’s used to it. If she’s shooting those kind of daggers at you, it’s because you did something to Fox.”

“But I didn’t.” I twist my beer open and take a fast swig of the cold liquid. “Fox and I are fine.” Just friends. But fine. “We drove here together earlier. We welcomed guests and helped them find their seats. We’re a total team. There’s no drama.”

“So maybe you did something else to piss her off.” Sipping, he settles back in his chair and chuckles. “She’s five weeks postpartum. Maybe her hormones are helping her remember all the shit you did when we were younger.”

“You think so?” I drag my eyes away and study the side of my brother’s face. “I’ve already got enough problems, Tommy. I have no room for smoke from fifteen years ago.”

He shrugs, extending his legs and crossing them at the ankles. “Dunno. I guess we gotta wait till she tells us what’s up. You come to any conclusions about the Fox situation yet? She’s leaving soon.”

“Eight days.” Eight sleeps, including tonight.

Eight mornings where, if I’m lucky, I might trick her into giving us a little more time.

Wishful thinking, dickhead. I drag my thumbnail along the beer label, tearing the moist paper in slow, straight lines.

“We’re just… We’re okay. We’re gonna have the week together, and I’m gonna pretend it’s not like counting down to my own execution. ”

“I’d laugh at the analogy, except I know exactly what you mean.

It felt like I’d died when Alana left, too.

Though…” He glances across. “I didn’t know my death was coming.

I had no chance to prepare and no opportunity to appeal my sentence.

You know yours is coming, so why the fuck aren’t you fighting to change it? ”

“Because she won’t stay, and I can’t go.” That’s the crux of it all. Such a small, simple roadblock, but it may as well be entire galaxies keeping us apart. “We might vacation in the Galápagos, though.” I bring my beer up and drink a whole bunch more. “That could be nice.”

“The Galápagos?”

“Mmm. Beautiful islands. Pretty flowers. Old turtles. But if it makes you feel any better, I’m this close,” I hold my hand up between us, pinching my thumb and finger almost completely together, “to packing a bag and moving to New York anyway.”

Stunned, he shoves forward on his seat and stares at the side of my face. “What?”

I say nothing. I watch Fox dance instead. Her perfect body, wrapped in a stunning dress. Her hair, bouncing, and her eyes, glittering. She’s unhappy in this town. But fuck, she’s happy when she’s with her family. Franky. Alana.

Maybe even me…

“Christian?” He grabs my shoulder. “The fuck did you just say?”

“I have enough savings to last me a while. Could even sell the house, which’d get me something smaller in the city.

It would suck a little, to trade the house and land we always wanted for a shoebox apartment.

But that, and my savings, would make it so I don’t have to worry about homelessness or anything. ”

He yanks me around and hits me with the intensity of his stare. “You’re leaving?”

“I don’t think I have any other choice. I might destroy us while I’m doing it, since I’ll be sitting at this hypothetical apartment all day long, waiting for her to come home and spend a few hours with me.

So my mental health will probably turn shit, and then I’ll take it out on her, picking fights and making what was happy, miserable.

But I can’t stomach the idea of letting her leave without me.

” I search his eyes—terrified, though he tries to hide it—and pretend his fear isn’t mine, too.

“Half of me thinks I’m crazy ‘cos this was a temporary thing, and no one should make life choices based on six weeks of bickering. The other half of me thinks if I let her go, I’ll die anyway. ”

He releases my shoulder and rests his elbows on his knees, leaning over his legs and exhaling a heavy breath. “You let me go to New York that time. You didn’t fight me when I followed Alana, even though we both knew I might not come back. Now it’s my turn to watch you go.”

“You were the one who suggested it.”

He chokes out a frantic, un-funny chuckle. “Yeah! And now I’m starting to sweat. Fuck.”

“It’s the right thing to do, right?” My heart pounds and my stomach swirls.

I feel sick at the thought of going and sick at the thought of staying.

“We’re not kids anymore, Tommy. We’re not broke.

So, you leaving ten years ago is not the same as me leaving now.

We can fly across and see each other. And Fox will visit Alana and the kids, too.

This isn’t as permanent as it sounds. But I need you to tell me this is the right thing to do. ”

“You want me to tell you to go?” He drags his fingers through his hair, frustrated and scratching.

“Jesus, Chris. There’s what I think you should do, for you .

And there’s what I want you to do, for me .

And then there’s something in the middle, something really fucking terrifying.

Because I worry you’ll spend all that time waiting for her to finish work.

Waiting for her to get home. Waiting for her to come to bed.

” He shakes his head. “I’m worried about the damage you’ll do to your soul.

Scared I won’t be there to protect you.”

“It’s not your job to protect me anymore.” I reach across and drop my hand on the back of his head. It’s a hug. Sort of. An embrace, but without making it weird. “You’ve spent your whole life taking my beatings. Stepping between me and Grady because you thought that was your purpose.”

“Chris—”

“I’ve spent my whole life watching you and Alana fall in love. Watching you be in love. I got to see it up close and personal, and I thought to myself a million times that if I ever got to love like that , there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make it work.”

With a grunt, he tilts his head forward and studies the ground. “Right.”

“I fell in love like that.” I press my hand over my heart.

“I fell in love with someone I can’t live without.

So if you give me your blessing…” I draw a shaking breath.

“If you tell me it’s okay, then I’m gonna go with her.

I don’t know what’ll happen in the future or if we’ll even work out, but I do know that watching her fly away will kill me before I get a chance to see. ”

“Then I guess you have my blessing.” He claps my shoulder, squeezing. “I’ve taken us for granted for a really long time. Always assuming you’d be wherever I was. But I won’t ask you to stay where your Alana isn’t.”

I nod my thanks, because words won’t come.

“If it was me, and I knew Alana was leaving, I’d already be sitting on the plane, waiting for her to find her seat beside mine.”

I grab him and pull him in for a hug. It’s awkward and on the side. But it’s touch, and we both need it. At least, I sure as fuck do. “This whole thing’s gonna be embarrassing as hell if she says she doesn’t want me to come.”

“Humiliating,” he chuckles. “And a little soul-destroying. But if it’s any consolation, Alana’s pissy mood is a good sign there’s something here. She sees it. I see it. This is love, and it’s not just in your head. As long as it’s real, it’s worth fighting for, right?”

“Something about love and war.” I straighten out and scrub my hands over my face. “It doesn’t have to be easy. But it’ll be worth it.”

“It was for me.” He takes my beer and flashes a gentle, barely there smile. “I wouldn’t change any of it, even if the time I didn’t have her damn near killed me.”

“Here’s hoping I don’t have to wait ten years for this.” I push up to my feet and fix my shirt. Fuck knows the material is itchy as hell. Then I run my fingers through my hair and catch Fox’s curious gaze from halfway across the room.

She sees me. I see her.

She dances with Franky, but dammit, she’s keeping an eye on me, too.