Page 54 of Crazy In Love (Love & War #2)

“How do I feel?” I challenge. “What is it you think I feel?”

“Love?” She exhales a long, sleepy sigh that sounds almost the same as Hazel’s.

“If you didn’t love him, you’d enjoy your casual thing and not stress out.

I was telling myself that you were sad because you’re leaving us at the end of next week.

” Swallowing, she pulls back and studies the side of my face.

“But I know now, it has nothing to do with me at all. You went ahead and did that thing you swore you’d never do, huh? ”

“There’s no need to be so smug about it.”

“For ten long years, you held me while I cried for Tommy, and all along, you said how your way was superior. Never fall in love, Lana. No risk, no failure . Now here you are, in love, and you understand what I knew all along.”

“That I’m dumb?”

She snorts. “That it hurts like hell. That the highs feel really, really freakin’ good, and the lows feel worse than anything you’ve ever felt before.”

“Feels worse than that time I was called into the principal’s office in eighth grade,” I rasp.

“Where the school counselor was waiting for me, and child protective services, too. I was too old to be cute and loved by some other family, but too young to live on my own. My mom wasn’t coming back.

So I was tossed into a system that had no room for me, counting down until I was old enough to get on with my life on my own. ”

“Instead, you aged out and ran face-first into this Podunk kid who just got off a Greyhound bus. I had this weird, marbles-in-my-mouth accent you liked to make fun of, and a baby growing in my belly. You helped me, Fox. You saved my life.”

“Wasn’t gonna stand by and watch another girl get screwed over a society that refused to support her,” I grumble. “And wasn’t gonna see another child tossed into a flawed system.”

“You were my co-parent more than Colin ever was. He gave us a home and a health insurance policy. But you gave us love. You gave us acceptance. And considering your parents failed you on both fronts, the fact you could, proves how amazing you truly are.”

“It’s all quite pathetic, huh?” I slide my hand over the baby’s back, smoothing down the pants ruffles and patting her bottom. “My origin story is so ridiculously cliché, I’m embarrassed to even say it out loud. People probably think I’m making it up.”

She snuggles into my arm, exhaling until I feel her breath on my skin.

“Don’t tell anyone, okay?” I reach up and swipe a single treacherous tear from my cheek. “I don’t like it when people know.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Jesus, you’re in good company. You, me, Tommy, and Chris… we make up a pretty trash-tastic foursome of trauma clichés. We could turn it into a drinking game. Take a shot if your parent ever made you feel like shit on the bottom of their shoe.”

“We’d get drunk pretty fast. And I don’t like vomiting after alcohol. It burns.”

She nibbles on her lip, chewing contemplatively. “I think you should tell him how you feel. Omit the bit about your parents if you must, but he deserves to finish this with his eyes wide open.”

“Why, though? He won’t come to New York, and Plainview nearly broke my nose yesterday. They really should put stickers on clean glass doors.”

“Have you even asked him?” She trudges straight over my feeble attempt at a joke. “You don’t get to decide what he’ll do?—”

“I did, actually. I asked him.” I bring my finger up and stroke Hazel’s chubby cheek. “He said no.”

“He didn’t have all the information! He would’ve taken that as a hypothetical question, Fox. Not ‘ I’m in love with you, and I’m begging you to choose me. ’ You’re not being fair.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I am being fair.” I slide my finger over the bridge of Hazel’s nose. “What’s not fair is to ask the same question a second time, knowing his answer already, but adding on a layer of emotional manipulation.”

“Fox—”

“Just let it go. Please. I won’t beg him to choose me. I refuse.” I stopped begging to be loved when I was fourteen years old . “Besides, he’s happy here, and he only just got you and the kids back. He’s not ready to walk away, no matter who is waiting for him in another—arguably better—state.”

She sniffles, breathing out an almost silent laugh. “And you won’t come here?”

“I can’t be happy in a town I’m not wanted in.”

“But I want you here! Franky wants you here. Tommy wants you here. And I’d bet my left tit, without a single shred of hesitation, that Chris wants you here. Give him a chance to know what’s at stake before you cut and run.”

“I’m a bad organ transplant, Lana. And this town is the body rejecting me.” I pull back, but only to twist and look down into her eyes. “It’s been nice, though.”

“Being here?”

I shake my head. “Falling in love. If I was gonna get stupid and pull a stunt like this, then I’m glad it was with him.”

“He’s pretty amazing, right?” She blinks welling tears from her eyes, swatting a droplet that rolls down her cheek. “There’s something magical about these Watkins boys. From absolute horror and cruelty came such incredible men. I’m astonished every single day by how truly decent they are.”

“Will you take an extra swing at the next bitch who stomps through town and catches his eye? For me?”

“Baseball bat?”

“Swing high,” I sigh. “Put your shoulders into it. Just thinking about him and this bitch back here in Bumfuckville makes me want to puke.”

“If he meets someone and falls in love and they marry, I’ll have to be her friend. You understand that, right?”

Snarling, I pull away and glare down into her eyes.

“I won’t have a choice. They’re twins. Those boys are two halves of one incredible soul. If he marries and brings her into our world, I’m gonna have to like her. She’ll be my kids’ aunty.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you hurting me?”

“Because you need to understand what you’re walking away from before it’s too late!

If I have to be some bitch’s best friend and sister-in-law, I’d rather that bitch was you .

But if you walk away without even trying, then I guess you’re not really invested, anyway.

Think wisely,” she warns. “Think hard. Because no one is leaving you this time. You’re leaving them. ”

“And you’re being a jerk! You sit arrogantly upon the pedestal of your amazing relationship, but you’re yet to set a wedding date so you can marry the man you’ve been in love with since you were nine years old.

I’m happy for you, Lana. Truly. But my life is in New York.

He doesn’t want to move there. He doesn’t want to leave the job he loves, or the only family he knows.

Small-town living brings him comfort, and the beautiful house he always dreamed of owning would become just another sacrifice in a string of sacrifices. All for nothing.”

“For you,” she presses. “Not for nothing.”

“No.” I drop my gaze and study the baby. “We’re too new, and he’s too comfortable. What we have right now is nice, but we’ll break it if we try to force something we know won’t work.”

“You’re a pussy.” She sets her hands on the floor and pushes to her feet.

“Never thought I’d see the day where my best friend, the bravest, smartest, most confident person I’ve ever met, would be such a coward.

And because of a boy?” Taunting laughter echoes across the room as she spins back and scoops her baby out of my arms. “He would fight for you, Fox. He would tear down every single barrier and destroy every person who stood between you.”

She settles Hazel against her chest, patting her bottom to soothe her back to sleep.

But she stands over me, her eyes swelling with pity.

Disappointment. Sadness. “You’re not even giving him a chance.

And that’s why you demanded secrecy. You knew I’d kick your ass for breaking his heart, and you knew you’d break his heart because you’re too much of a coward to accept love.

Your parents convinced you that you were unworthy, the fucking pricks.

” She turns on her heels and snatches up my notebook and pen.

“Let’s go. I’m done with this conversation, and we have a party to plan.

I can’t believe I walked away from watching the guys spar, all to hear about how much of a pussy you are. ”

I scramble to my feet and jump out of the way of the door, and following her into the hall, I grab her arm as panic lances through my veins. “You’re not gonna say anything, are you? Alana? You won’t tell Tommy either, right?”

“And ruin perfect small-town gossip fodder?” she scoffs.

“No, I won’t tell them. Honestly, I’d be embarrassed.

All this time, I’ve annoyed them with how much I talk about you.

Fox is my best friend. Fox is so brave and amazing.

Fox is so confident. I wish I could be more like Fox .

” She glances over her shoulder, pithy and snide.

“For ten years, you’ve been this pillar of strength I aspired to.

So strong and sure and pretty and perfect.

” She shakes her head and continues along the hall. “All for a boy! Now that’s cliché.”

“You’re being mean because you want me to snap back.” I scowl at the floor and follow her all the way to the doorway we started in, but when I come to a stop and bring my gaze up, I find both Watkins men still in the ring, their fight over and their chests expanded, swollen with adrenaline.

Most importantly, their eyes are on us.

The music playing through the speakers is far too loud for them to have heard a single word of our conversation. But they stare. Twin glares. Matching fat lips and a nasty knuckle-shaped bruise right over the top of Chris’ chest.

It’s ironic, really.

Alana shuffles closer, fake smiling to placate the guys. But I feel the heat of her burn, anyway. “You deserve better than what your parents did to you. You deserve better than the voice inside your head.”

“Stop it.”

“Not telling him will be the biggest mistake you ever make.”

“I said stop it,” I growl.

“You two look like you’re up to no good,” Tommy calls across the room, those marbles Alana speaks of, garbling his words and adding a country twang behind the rubber guard shielding his teeth. “Should we be worried?”

“Just going over party details,” she lies. She lifts her chin in his direction. “Start sparring again. I wasn’t done watching the show.”

He smirks, growing broader under her admiring gaze. “I can’t afford to look this good, babe. You’re still healing.”

“I’m done.” Chris turns from the ropes and drags the guard out of his mouth. And because he doesn’t know Alana knows, he thinks I’m the only one who sees his sly side glance. “I’m hitting the showers and going home.”

Which is code for: come to my bed, Fox. In secret. I wanna fuck.