Page 57 of Crazy In Love (Love & War #2)

FOX

My heart thunders, and my lungs, well, they chose today to be the day they stop working properly.

On the verge of what I think is a panic attack—a feeling I haven’t experienced since that one time in eighth grade—I stalk into Tommy’s office and slam the door.

I press my back to the thick wood and blink through the tears in my eyes until I’m met with Alana’s penetrating gaze.

She walks slow, calm laps of the office with Hazel latched to her nipple, a scene of serenity in a beautiful white gown and flawless makeup.

And I’m… a mess.

“You look beautiful.” I ignore the darkness inching across my vision. The sweat on my palms. Hell, I ignore the very real possibility that I might puke before this day is over.

Because being a good friend means tabling my problems instead of slinging them to the forefront of someone else’s special day.

“That dress looks fantastic on you, Lana.” A three-foot train follows her every step. A trailing, glittering veil hangs from her hair. Her blue eyes, brighter than the ocean on a warm spring day, glisten with emotion.

She’s perfect.

I swipe my cheeks and pretend my shuddering exhale is a reaction to her beauty—not my broken heart—and drawing a long, heaving breath, I push away from the door and toss my purse to Tommy’s desk.

Instead, I scoop up a cloth and turn to the pair, knowing Hazel will need to be burped in a moment, and wedding dresses are notorious for highlighting even the tiniest stains.

“This has been the most fun, impromptu post-baby baby-shower-turned-birthday-party-turned-wedding I’ve ever helped plan.

” I lay the cloth over my shoulder, dragging my hair out from beneath the fabric, and when Alana detaches the baby, I take her and prove we’re still a well-oiled co-parenting machine.

What we have was forged in the fire ten years ago. Our friendship, a balm that soothes my heart. Our love, a caress that heals the lashes on my soul.

“It’s kinda crazy how it all worked out, huh?” I massage Hazel’s back, pleased when bubbles roll along her throat. “Weddings can be complete nightmares to plan, but starting it out as a party and changing the dress code near the very end is basically genius.”

She fixes her dress, tucking her boob away and laying the strap of her gown on her shoulder. Then she brings big, bright eyes up to mine and exhales. “I’m getting married today.”

Finally , something to smile about. “I know!”

“I’ve dreamed of this since I was a kid. I wrote Mrs. Alana Watkins in every single notebook I’ve ever owned. I was practicing my new name before we’d even kissed for the first time.”

“And now it’s here.” I reach out and take her hand in mine, squeezing. “Is it everything you hoped it would be?”

“Mostly.” She inches closer, setting her hand on my hip and swaying with me and Hazel. “I’m here. And Tommy is here.”

“That’s a pretty good start.”

“Franky’s here. And welcome. And happy.” She sighs. “My daughter’s here, safe and well. My best friend is my maid of honor.”

Smug, I allow my lips to curl higher. “Yes, I am.”

“And Chris will make the perfect best man…” She snorts. “When Tommy tells him about it.”

“You think he’ll freak when he finds out he’s gotta stand with Tommy? There are a lot of people out there, Lana. Lots of eyes.”

“He’ll cope. He always does when it matters.” She breathes a soft, contented sigh. “I’m getting everything I ever wanted today.”

“I’m really happy for yo?—”

“So tell me, Fox.” She pulls back, angrily smacking me with a glare that burns me all the way to my toes. “Why do I feel sad, knowing that you’re sad?”

“I’m not sad! ”

“You’re a big fat lying liar! You’re breaking your own heart, and seriously, it’s starting to annoy me. I can feel your misery. I can feel you with one foot already out of town.”

“Which is why I didn’t want you to know about us in the first place!

” I ride my arrogance as though it were a proud horse galloping toward battle when, truly, my stallion is nothing more than a toy placed outside of shopping centers.

A dollar gets you a minute of ride time.

“I wanted to get laid, and I set the rules from day one: keep this shit away from you .”

“So you can blame me for your misery? So you can go back to New York and be all alone, and you can tell yourself it’s not because you’re a coward but because you’re noble and selfless and doing me a favor?”

“No, I?—”

“You asked me not to say anything. And dammit, Fox, I haven’t.

Not to Tommy, and not to Chris. I’m walking into my wedding day with a giant secret hidden from the man I intend to marry, a secret that affects him, too!

But I’m doing that for you. I came into this week banking on the fact you’d eventually crumble. That I could shame you into action.”

“Really?” I try to laugh. Jesus, I desperately search for humor amongst my heartache. “Shame me into making a different choice?”

“You mean how I was terrified to come back to Plainview, completely and utterly frozen with fear at the thought of facing Tommy again, but you called me out for being a sissy and spurred my ass into action?”

“Yeah, well…” That’ll teach me. “Joke’s on me. I wanted you to be brave, but the consequences meant you’d leave me behind. Worst best decision I ever made.”

“And now I’m trying to convince you to be brave. Take the leap, you coward! Stop letting fear dictate your happiness. Stop letting your past be the wall that separates you from your future.”

“Stop talking all poetic and stuff,” I snap right back. “It’s beautiful and infuriating and damn near inspiring enough to make me forget this town hates me.”

“The town is just a town, Fox! It’s just a place. Eventually, all the annoying people will die off, and then us—our generation of really cool, trauma-bonded people—will be the new annoying class, and our kids will complain about us.”

“You paint such a pretty picture.” I wipe my nose on Hazel’s cloth. If I ruin my makeup before the vows, I’m going to be so mad. “We could rule this place, inviting people who are different for cookouts until eventually, everyone breeds, and we create our own diverse community.”

“If that’s what you need, then I’ll cook. Every single time. If you need a plane and a weekend house in New York, then that’s what we’ll get you. If you need to renovate the entire apartment above the bookstore, then I’ll do that for you. Whatever you need, Fox, I’ll make it happen.”

“All to keep me here in your town?”

“All to ensure you’re happy ,” she presses, her eyes glittering with pain.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I just need to know you’re happy.

But this…” She gestures toward me. “This sadness I see every time I look at you, that’s gonna ruin my wedding day for sure. ”

I snort. Because if I don’t, I might sit in the corner and cry.

“Your gift to me could be laying a giant, juicy kiss on Chris’ lips right where everyone else could see.”

“Oh, God. It’s like you don’t know him at all. He would hate that.”

“He would hate the attention. He would love the claim. Jesus, he would lose his mind at the clear, direct communication, since your we should get dinner in public someday is not the same as I love you, and I want to be with you .”

Shit. Fuck. Dammit.

Just friends.

I grit my teeth, breathless as my heart somersaults in my chest. “How do you suppose he’d receive we’re just friends? Because I might’ve just said that when someone,” I hook a thumb over my shoulder, “out there, said we looked cute together.”

“ Just friends ?” Groaning, she drops her head back. “You said that right to his face?”

I’m a shitty, sorry, horrible person . “Yes?”

“That’s great!” she snarls, startling Hazel and shoving away from me.

“Totally great. We should have sex, but don’t tell anyone.

We should remain a secret, but I also want to get dinner with you not in secret .

I love you, but I’ll tell people we’re just friends .

What the hell is wrong with you, Fox? Why do you insist on sabotaging your happiness? ”

“I—”

“Don’t even answer that question!” She throws her hand up to stop me.

“I know why ! I know you . I also know I’d like to go back twenty years and kick some asses because your parents destroyed a woman who was born to be great.

You’re beautiful and smart, Fox! You’re successful and witty and so freakin’ selfless, it makes me want to slam my head against a wall.

You’re everything other people wish they could be. ”

“You’re exaggerating.” Tell me more. I’m begging you.

“We see you walking by and think, ‘ holy shit, she’s really got it all.’ Looks.

Legs. Ass. Hair. She’s from New York, and she loves her job.

You actually look like you won at life, Fox.

But inside your dumb head, you’re telling yourself you don’t fit in.

You’re hammering home a reminder that everyone eventually leaves, so why get close in the first place? ”

“You left.” Shut up. Shut up. Shut the hell up ! “You know all of me, and you still left.”

“I left for my mom! I left for Franky. And Tommy. And Chris! I left because you told me to, and then you made me promise that even if you begged for me to stay, I would still go. I left to save my life, Fox, and I left with your blessing.”

“I know. You’re right. I’m sor?—”

“I left, knowing it would break both of our hearts. But you promised that if things were bad and you needed us, you’d tell me. So that brings us right back around to you being a lying liar.”