Page 10

Chapter Nine

Nathan

The kiss goes on and on.

The way she responds tells me that she missed me every bit as much as I did her. As her fingers run through my hair and tug on a few locks, lust clouds my mind, and without thinking, I grab handfuls of her ass and cradle her against my hard length.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s suddenly taken leave of their senses because Tess responds by hooking a leg around my thigh and opening her core fully to me. She starts to rock herself against my thrusting pelvis as her moans get louder.

Then, as if suddenly realizing where we are and how close I am to dragging her into the changing room and relieving us both of the tensions of the past week, she freezes and jerks away from me. I let her go, even though that’s the last thing I want to do.

“Nathan.” She pants, putting a hand on my chest and pushing me ever so slightly.

I take a step back. “What, baby?”

“We can’t—” She swallows and looks away. “Um, we shouldn’t… and about the other night…we need to talk about it.”

“Here we go,” I mutter, already knowing what she’s going to say. “Okay, I’m all ears. But not here. You can tell me over lunch.” At least then I’ll have a greater chance of changing her mind.

She looks like she’s about to argue.

“It’ll just be at the cafeteria on this floor. We won’t even need to change. Come on.” I take her hand.

“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk about. I’m not sure being seen together is a good idea. You’re the CMD.”

“Well, I’m a doctor first.”

“Yes, but you’re not just a coworker. You’re the boss.”

I huff out a breath. “Tessa, unless I pin you up against that wall like I did just now, this,” I say while pointing back and forth between us, “us talking, having lunch together, is considered normal territory around here.”

She cocks a skeptical eyebrow.

“Relax, baby. We’ve just seen a patient together, and we’re off to debrief.”

“Ri-ight, and do you call all your female colleagues and workers ‘baby?’”

The jealousy I hear lurking in her tone causes me to fight off a smirk. “Only the ones named Tessa.”

Before she can argue further, I lead her down to the cafeteria and find us a table in the corner.

The server comes over to take our order as soon as she sees me, but otherwise, the cafeteria is empty, a fact that makes Tess relax.

Our order arrives in a flash, and I watch her dig into her sandwich with gusto, her lids fluttering at that initial taste.

Why does everything about this woman have to be so damn sensual?

To get my mind out of the slope it’s merrily sliding on, I do something I never do with women I want to fuck. Small talk.

It’s guaranteed to bore me to tears and effectively kill my boner. Every time.

“So, are you doing anything interesting this week?” I begin.

“Oh, yeah. I’ve been drafted into the remissions unit’s party planning, and by default, Tim and Diane are also pitching in.” She’s practically bouncing in her seat, and seeing her so excited makes me smile.

“You like to plan parties?”

“I’m good at planning stuff, generally. Food drives, fundraisers, and the like. I haven’t done a party before, but I figure it can’t be much different.”

She leans closer as if revealing a secret. “Besides, I think Jackson is doing most of the planning. He just really enjoys getting people together and giving them orders.”

I chuckle. “That he does.”

He’s about five two, but he might as well be seven feet tall with his reach and influence in my hospital.

Tessa’s excitement fades somewhat as she scans me with a curious look. “They say you never attend, though. Why?”

I snort. “The rems unit throws parties every five seconds. I’m often too busy to attend.”

“But the patients love them! And these parties have given the hospital a lot of publicity and visibility. They essentially make you richer and more famous, Dr. King.” Tess cocks an eyebrow in challenge.

“I know, and I would never get in their way. But the treatment and palliative teams can get sensitive about these parties.”

An incredulous expression overtakes her face, and I can tell how nonsensical she finds it to be.

“Are they for real? Surely, they know that the thousands of dollars raised in these events go to funding palliative care and active cancer treatments, don’t they?

“Of course they know.” I shrug. “But it doesn’t change how they feel.”

She shakes her head. “Hmm, so that’s the reason you don’t attend. But whose side are you really on?”

“None, I’m neutral,” I lie.

“Ha! Come on, you can admit it.” She gives me a conspiratorial wink. “I know how you like to appear stuffy and proper, but underneath it all…” she trails off, biting her lip.

“What?”

“Underneath, you're a savage, Nathan.”

Blood rushes to my cock with an alarming speed, even as the corner of my mouth lifts in a smirk.

You have no idea, baby.

“You love the parties, don’t you?” she presses, and there’s a flirty tone hidden in her voice.

Watching her relax and tease me lightens the mood between us considerably, and I’m suddenly having more fun than I’ve had in years.

“I suppose when you look at it objectively, the parties do more good than harm,” I say with a poker face.

“I knew it!” She chortles gleefully.

I surprise myself by asking, “Do you want me to come to this one, Tess?”

A hopeful smile paints her luscious lips. “Really! You’d attend?”

“If you want me to, I’d consider it.”

She taps a finger to her chin, pretending to mull it over. “I dunno. Depends on if you’re going to wear a suit and look like a stuffy CMD?”

“You bet I am.”

“Killjoy,” she teases. “I was hoping we’d get to see those bulging muscles in a tight T-shirt and jeans.”

“Bulging muscles, huh?” I cock an eyebrow, unable to hide my smug smile.

She doesn't say anything, but her eyes trace my arms, as if she can already picture me wearing such an outfit in her head.

Then, shaking her head as if to dispel the images, she says, “But then again, we don’t want you hogging all the attention. The patients are the guests of honor, and the rest of us should blend in, not steal the show.”

I’d come shirtless if it would steal your attention all night.

“So you’re coming? I won’t tell anyone, so no pressure. You can always change your mind later if something changes,” she coaxes.

Her thoughtfulness tugs at me. “Okay, Tess, I’ll be there.”

“Yay,” she cheers and fist pumps.

Her joy makes me laugh. And arouses me to no end. I didn’t think it was possible to feel both emotions at the same time, but when it comes to her, I realize that everything I thought I knew is no longer true.

Unable to wait anymore, I circle back to the reason I brought her here in the first place. “So, about the other night?”

She bites her full lower lip, and I know that she’s remembering the graphic details.

Good.

“Tess, I know you’re not about to tell me you regret what we did in the backseat of that limo.”

“Nathan…”

I shake my head and wave my hand to cut off her protests. “You fucking loved it, Tess. You came so hard on my cock that you dropped off to sleep right after.”

She flushes scarlet, but I feel zero remorse for my bluntness.

“And snored quite loudly, I might add.”

“I did not snore!” she protests. As if suddenly finding the bun too tight, she yanks out the hair tie and fluffs out her blonde waves.

I know she’s not trying to seduce me. She’s only done that because she’s blushing so hard that she needs the heavy curtain of her hair to shield her face, but tell that to my twitching cock who apparently thinks this is a striptease.

“Well, you snored just a little bit. It was fucking cute.” I take the hair tie she’s playing with and slip it around my wrist because I want her hands on me, and I have no doubts that she’ll take the bait.

She reaches around my wrist to get her hair band back, but I lay my hand flat on hers to keep it there.

“Okay, talk to me, Tess. What’s the problem with that night?”

“I couldn’t…we really can’t do that again.”

“Why the hell not?” I ask, already gearing up to convince her otherwise.

“Nathan, KidStation is the biggest campaign I’ve ever managed. Heck, it’s the only one I’ve ever led, and it’s also my first opportunity to do so. I shouldn’t even have been asked to do it as an undergrad.”

She slips her band off my wrist and removes her hand from mine. “I would really like to use it for my finals. It’s potentially a history-making campaign. The kind that could help me graduate with honors.”

“Absolutely, Tess. I don’t see you bagging anything less,” I agree, my chest swelling with a mix of admiration and desire.

She tucks her hair behind her ear, smiling demurely at my praise. “Also, Guardian Angels Network is relying on me to pull this project off. It’ll mean the world to them. So, you see why I can’t let anything jeopardize this.”

Like sleeping with the boss.

Fuck. I can’t argue with that.

The fact that she’s put her professional obligations before her own obvious needs only makes me crave her more.

Double fuck.

I have no clue how I’ll keep my hands off her, but if it means that much to her, then I’ll have to try.

“I completely understand, Tess, and I respect that. But if you ever call me Dr. King again, all bets are off.”

She chuckles. “Why? Do you hate being called that?”

“Not at all. It’s a rule just for you. Break it, and our don’t-touch pact goes out the window.”

Because I recently found out I have a fetish: the sound of my name on your tongue.

“Okay,” she agrees, smiling.

“And, Tess?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t hide what you feel from me. If you want or don’t want something, talk to me about it.”

She considers my request, and even though I can tell she wants to argue, she inclines her head in agreement. “Alright.”

I feel the tension of the past week finally leaving me. As much as I want her naked and writhing under me, I also want her seeking me out because she wants to talk to me about anything and everything.

While being her lover would be amazing, being her confidant sounds equally appealing, just in a different way.

“So, is there anything else waiting for you in Boston? Besides top honors and job offers that’ll make the Guardian Angels look like small fry?”

She grins, clearly looking forward to achieving all that. “Anything else like what?”

“Like a boyfriend.”

She freezes, no doubt re-calibrating and asking herself if we are really having that talk.

When she takes too long to answer, I ask again, “Are you dating some guy back in Boston?”

She slowly shakes her head. “No.”

I release the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Although, it’s pretty selfish of me to want her single since I have no intention of dating her myself.

She turns the question back to me. “What about you? Anyone likely to slash my Trek bike tires for being with you last week?”

I almost spit out my coffee. “Jesus, Tess! What sort of women do you think I date?”

She shrugs, smirking. “I dunno. The sort you shouldn’t cross by messing around with their men?”

“Why—what would make you think that?” I’m really curious to know what gave her that idea about me.

“I just think it takes a certain kind of woman to be with you.”

I’m so intrigued right now, I can’t even hide it. “Go on.”

She takes a sip of her coffee. “First, you’re a single and very successful doctor in your forties. Meaning, you’re jaded, and it takes a lot to turn your head. Therefore, I’m thinking she’d have to be more than just a pretty face or sexy body. She’d have to be really smart to grab and keep your attention.”

“Okay, I’ll allow that. What’s your second point?”

“Well, you have a way of being very direct, which can skate pretty close to icy at times. So, she needs to be able to toss the puck right back—no shrinking violets here. I’m betting she's got a bit of fire in her, a spine of steel. Maybe even a mean streak.”

She moves on to the next point when I just stare at her.

“And, finally, you’re…very attractive. And good in bed. Meaning, she’s probably obsessed with you.”

I cock my head to look at Tess like she’s an alien. “Your imagination is wild as fuck, Tess.”

“You have no idea.” She grins, flashing the dimples in her cheeks. “I even have a picture of what she’d look like.”

My eyebrows fly to my hairline, and I fold my arms in wonder. “Pray tell!”

“Jet-black hair would be my first guess.”

I shake my head in disappointment. “I’m afraid you’re wrong, baby. She’s blonde.”

“Really?” And then, as if just realizing what I said, she shoots me a crestfallen look. “You’re seeing someone?”

“Yes. She’s blonde. With green eyes.”

“No way.”

“She actually looks a lot like you, Tess. The resemblance is uncanny.”

“Stop!” Seeming to catch onto the joke, she laughs.

“It’s true. You just described yourself, Tess.”

“But… but… I don't have a mean streak!” she sputters.

“Maybe not, but you’re certainly obsessed with me.”

“I am not!”

“Aren't you?” I lift a single eyebrow, and without me saying anything, she blushes, no doubt remembering what she confessed to me while she was mindless with desire.

“I, um… refuse to be held accountable for anything I said while under your influence.”

Fire leaps up in my groin, but I take pity on her and let her off the hook, for now. “Fair enough.” I smile into my coffee.

Clearly, she’s not done with our conversation because she dives straight back in. “So, I’ve often wondered why you didn’t marry. Didn’t you ever find someone?”

I freeze. This part of my life isn’t usually up for discussion with anyone besides my mother, and my first instinct is to shut down the line of questioning. However, when I look at her, what I see in her warm gaze makes me want to give her the answers she’s searching for.

So, I put my cup aside to give her my complete attention.

“Marriage isn’t something I’m inclined to do. Love or relationships, either. So, no, Tess, I don’t have a girlfriend. I never have, actually.”

Her mouth opens in an “O” shape. “But why?”

I debate telling her the truth, but in the end, I decide that I probably should. Not just for her sake, but because I need it said out loud so I can hear myself reaffirming why this little obsession with Tess cannot be more than a passing fling.

I speak fast before I can change my mind. “Someone very close to me fell in love with a girl when we were in our teens. It was one of those epic, thunderstruck moments. But it was doomed to fail from the start.”

“How so?”

“First, it took him away from me. For eighteen years, we were inseparable, and then, this girl showed up. Suddenly, I lost him before I even processed what was happening.”

Her eyes widen in shock. “But… isn’t that what happens when you find someone? They take priority over your friends?”

Shaking my head, I force myself to look away and temper my words. “Not if the need for that person makes you lose yourself. His need stripped him of his dignity. Broke him into pieces.”

“Oh, my God, Nathan, I’m so very sorry.”

“It’s alright, Tess.”

“Is that the reason why—?”

I know what she’s about to say, so I nod. “What I experienced through him was enough to turn me off relationships for the rest of my life. I can’t ever put myself in a position to get sucked into that toxicity of needing someone so badly that I can’t think rationally.”

“It wasn’t your friend’s fault,” Tess murmurs. “If the girl truly loved him, she would never let him lose himself. That’s what a relationship should be: looking out for your partner because you know they’re too invested in you to look out for themselves.”

I tilt my head to the side, looking at her as though I’m just seeing her for the first time.

“Are you sure you’re just twenty-six, baby?”

She laughs. “I know. I’m great with giving relationship advice, just not the best at taking them. My friends say that all the time.”

“Friends back in Boston?” I question, curious to know more about her life before she came here.

“Funny, I haven’t made an awful lot of friends in Boston. They’re mostly here in LA.”

The corner of her mouth lifts in a sexy smirk. “I became too busy chasing success, after a certain grouch read me the riot act for giving him such a raging hard-on that he could hardly walk straight.”

I throw back my head and laugh. The sound catches her by surprise, and it occurs to me she’s probably never heard me laugh. I suppose I’m a bit of a grouch, then.

As my laughter settles into chuckles, I catch the sultry look on her face. Biting her lip, her gaze runs over me like a caress until her eyes finally meet mine.

She’s turned on. Very turned on. Fuck me.

“Tess,” I begin, already seeing our no-touch pact erupting into flames and thinking we’re going to need another plan.

Her ringing phone interrupts me, and she stands so she can fish it out of the back pocket of her pants. I never thought I’d see the day when wrinkled hospital scrubs would send a bolt of lust through me, but here I am.

“Hi,” she murmurs, sitting back down.

I watch Tessa’s anxiety level mount as the call progresses, and her delicate hand resting on the table curls into a fist. I suppress the urge to cover it with mine in a silent show of support.

“Is it your father?” I mouth, but she shakes her head no. She listens to the person on the other end a bit more, and with each passing moment, she becomes more and more upset.

“I-I guess I could come down now. Alright, I’ll be there soon.” She slowly hangs up and keeps looking at her phone screen even after she does so.

“Something just came up. Nathan, I’m afraid I have to go.” She doesn’t raise her head to look at me as she says it.

I can only stare at her, surprised she’d think that I’d let her go without finding out more about what is going on and if she’d be okay dealing with it on her own.

“Are you going to tell me what that call was about?” I finally ask when she looks up.

“That was Valencia PD on the phone. Major Crimes Department. It’s about my mom.”

Slivers of anxiety run down my spine. “What about her?”

“It’s… gosh, it’s really hard to say out loud. It’s what I was arguing with my dad about the other night.”

Unable to resist touching her any longer, I hold out my hand for hers. “Give me your hand.”

She slips her palm in mine, and I apply the smallest bit of pressure to her pulse point.

“Talk to me, Tess.”

She nods. “Okay. So, last month, the police told me that they were reopening her case. They found evidence in some journals she kept to show that her death may not have been accidental.”

The fuck ?

I try to keep my tone of voice measured when I ask, “Are they implying that it was suicide?”

“Or murder. And the key to which one lies in those journals, apparently.”

“I see. And have you read them?”

She looks almost terrified at the thought. “I’ve… started. It’s a lot to take in. Every time I try to get into it, I get goosebumps. It’s like she knew something was going to happen, and her words are so different from the ones she used while she was still alive. Like she was a completely different person to the one I knew.”

“Who did you know?”

She takes a moment to consider her response, then admits, “She was kind. She never raised her voice, but she was never really excited about much as well. She wrote cookbooks and published them under a pen name.”

“What name?”

“Mae White.”

Figures.

“There was something… different about her. She was closed off. Don’t get me wrong, she was always full of encouragement for me, always telling me to go after what I wanted, but she never gave much of herself. I never knew what exactly she was thinking, and I don’t think my dad did, either. I suppose that’s why he felt the need to cheat?”

“There’s no excuse for crossing that line, Tess.”

She sighs in agreement. “I know. I just…I felt like such a failure, so sometimes, it’s easier to blame her. Like she stubbornly kept her innermost thoughts and personality away from me. It’s easier to be upset with her than with myself for not being able to help her.”

Dismay at her admission overcomes me, and I squeeze her hand tighter at the thought that she blames herself.

“Excuse me? You were eleven. Why on earth would you feel responsible for someone else’s emotions?”

In all the years I’ve known her and all the times she had confided in me about her home life, Tess has never once told me how she truly felt about her mother until now.

Tess takes a deep breath before continuing her explanation, “When John picked me from the orphanage, he said Mom had wanted a much younger child, but they picked me because they were told that I was great at making people feel good. He wanted me to make my mother happy.”

My free hand curls into a fist, my knuckles whitening in rage. “He told you that?”

She nods.

“He’s a sick, demented asshole. What kind of a person would force that level of responsibility onto a child?”

John made Tess think that she owed him for adopting her, and it sounds like he made sure that she never forgot why he had made her his daughter in the first place.

She doesn’t argue with my assessment of her father, only shrugs and continues, “I was just happy to finally have parents and be a normal kid. Anyway, at first, my dad and I were really close, and he was the perfect dad. And since Mom hardly left the house, my dad took me everywhere—school, camps, recitals…

She looks at me. “But with every passing year, when Mom stayed the same, his attitude became colder. Nathan, he kept reminding me that I was adopted for a reason.”

Sensing that there’s more to her story, I observe the way she fidgets in her chair and tucks her hair behind her ear with her free hand.

“He’s a fucking prick, Tess, and a horrible excuse for a parent.”

“I, um…sort of realize that now,” she states solemnly.

I say softly, “That being said, though, do you think he’s capable of murder? Or your mom of suicide?”

“I always thought she was depressed. But having done a minor in psychology, I’m not so sure. Nathan, it almost felt like she was blocking something out. Like she was choosing to live on the sidelines…perhaps because she’d suffered some trauma from living life fully. But there was a certain defiance in her. I never would have guessed that she’d actually do it, but I could be wrong.”

I only watch Tess, astounded by how intuitive and perceptive she is, captivated by how her mind works.

I could sit and listen to her talk all day. I ignore the alarm bells ringing in my head about how much I like every little thing I’m discovering about her and continue asking about her parents.

“And your father? Would you say he’s remotely capable of something like that?”

“I don’t see why he would need to hurt her. Mom never antagonized him. I don’t ever recall them arguing…well, except for that one time.” Her cheeks turn pink at the memory.

“What happened?”

“It was when you—um, the Fount—took interest in our high school charity club and invited us to see you.”

“Okay?” My sentence drifts off, an unsaid “and?” floating between us.

“Well, I told Mom about it, and it’s one of the times I remember her actually getting excited about anything. She was proud of me and told me to go. So, when I got back home and started blabbing about how incredible it was meeting you, my dad overheard, and he flew off the handle. I’d never seen him so angry.”

She trails off, but after I give her hand another encouraging squeeze, she continues, “But Mom laughed in his face, told me to make sure I always go after what I wanted, and walked out of the room, leaving my dad sputtering after her.”

She smiles as if she finds the memories amusing.

“My dad tried banning me from the club, but it was hard since I was the club president. To answer your question, my dad can get irrationally angry, but I don’t think he’s capable of murder. I suppose I’ll have to wait and see what the detectives think since they said they found something else in the journals today.”

More tension seeps into my shoulders. “What did they find?” I ask, a little too quickly.

Tessa doesn’t seem to notice. “Dunno. That’s why I need to go find out.”

I take a deep breath. I don’t usually make split-second decisions, but I’ve been waiting for this news for a long time. Way longer than even Tessa can imagine.

“I’m coming with you,” I tell her.