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CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

E very glance is a knife through my heart.

A burst of agony that constricts my lungs and blinds my vision for a second.

It’s utter torture, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive walking the final distance out of the Unseelie Court.

Let alone fight the rest of this war together with him. Not when he looks at me like that.

Hatred burns in Draven’s eyes as he cuts me a glare. He’s angry about everything now. Everything I do is somehow wrong. Everything I say is stupid or annoying or unnecessary. That burning hatred in his chest tries its best to find fault in everything. In my very existence.

And on top of those hate-filled glances are the looks of worry and heartbreak I get from the rest of our friends.

They know now. They know what I was forced to do in order to save Draven’s life.

They pity me now. I can see it in their eyes.

And I hate it, because now, just looking at them also reminds me of him .

“This is never going to work,” Orion Nightbane complains, not for the first time, as he strides along with us towards the rippling wards up ahead.

“Your confidence in us is inspiring,” Alistair drawls, strolling along next to Lyra.

Isera cuts the Unseelie King a mocking glance. “I didn’t take you for a coward.”

Lightning flashes in his eyes as he locks them on her. “I am not a coward. I am a realist. Do you actually think that you can take down the Iceheart Dynasty? There are six of you, for God’s sake!”

“There are seven of us.” A smirk tugs on Isera’s lips. “Don’t forget. You’re one of us now.”

“Malachi’s balls, don’t fucking remind me.” But he looks grudgingly impressed rather than angry as he shoots her a glare back. “However, my point still stands. We can never win a war against the entire Iceheart Dynasty. Apart from me, you have no allies.”

“We have my entire clan,” Draven says.

The sound of his voice sends a stab through my chest. Clenching my jaw, I force myself to keep my eyes on the wards ahead instead of glancing at him.

“You have one dragon clan,” Orion says, exasperation lacing his words. “They have eight .”

“So we steal some of them back,” Lyra offers in a cheerful voice. “Recruit them to our side.”

“Don’t forget the dryads,” I add. “If we can convince them to help us, they could?—”

“No one asked you,” Draven growls.

And by instinct, I turn to look at him. Hatred burns in his eyes as he glares at me.

Pain stabs through my chest, and an iron fist grips my heart, squeezing it hard. I try to draw in a breath, but my lungs don’t seem to work.

I snap my gaze back to the plains outside as we come to a halt right before the wards.

But I can’t get that image of Draven’s hate-filled eyes out of my mind. Agony claws at my soul, and I have to suppress a raw sob.

Goddess please, there has to be some way to reverse this. Some way to remove that flame of hatred from Draven’s chest. This can’t possibly be it. This can’t be how we end. Not after everything we have gone through, everything we have done, to get to this point.

To my left, Orion whispers something under his breath and then flicks his wrist in the direction of the wards. “After you.”

Isera strides through without hesitation, which makes Orion narrow his eyes at her. The rest of us follow.

Warm winds tasting of spring sweep across the plains before us, making the grass rustle, as we at long last step out through the wards and leave the Unseelie Court behind.

The moment we’re through, Draven cuts me another look burning with hatred.

For a few seconds, we just stare at each other. Then black smoke explodes across the grasslands as he abruptly shifts into a dragon and simply flies off without a second look back.

My very soul crumbles.

I drag in an unsteady breath as a wave of world-ending sorrow crashes over me.

“I hope this was worth it,” Orion says.

A few strides away, Galen casts me a hesitant glance. “I hope so too.”

We gained a lot by going to the Unseelie Court. An outside observer would consider this mission a success.

Haldia saved me from dying from magical ice flames and fixed my severed spine.

I found a competent teacher who trained me physically and who taught me how to use my magic in ways that I hadn’t even known were possible.

I learned that my parents might not actually resent me after all.

And we gained an incredibly powerful ally.

I’m stronger and more powerful than I have ever been in my entire life, and Orion and his entire Unseelie Court are now going to help us take down the Iceheart Dynasty.

And all it cost me was… everything .

Another wave of agony and heartbreak and despair crushes me so thoroughly underneath the sheer force of it that I feel like I’m drowning in a cold black ocean. Lost and desperately clawing against the oppressive water and violent waves without a single hope of ever reaching the surface.

I can’t breathe.

Draven’s wings boom through the air as he flies off, leaving me behind.

My shattered heart aches with agony and the pressure on my chest is so massive that I can’t get a single breath down.

I can’t breathe. Oh Goddess above, I can’t breathe.

And in that moment, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this pain is going to kill me. I’m going to die if I have to feel this utter agony for even one more second.

Desperate, I reach for something else.

For the first time in my life, I shatter the walls around that massive pit of burning anger and searing hatred that I have kept buried deep inside me all this time. A gaping pit of world-ending fury roars inside me.

I breathe it in.

I breathe it all in, letting it consume me.

Rage and hatred surge up, filling the void in my heart and burning through my whole soul.

It sears through me with a violent raging fury until it drowns out the sorrow and agony and pain that is trying to strangle me.

Burns through me until all I can feel is that furious rage and hatred.

Until my whole soul has been consumed by it.

And something inside me snaps .

He said that only a villain can take down another villain.

Fine. Then that is exactly what I will become.