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CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

B linding pain slices through my chest as I throw myself through the portal. In a heartbeat, the twisted forest and desperate battle are replaced by warm sand and a cheering crowd. I whip my head around, panic still crackling inside me like lightning.

Isera and Galen have appeared on the arena floor a short distance to my left.

Both of them were running, and they stumble and almost fall over when the ground underneath them changes abruptly.

A few steps away, Lyra and Alistair have materialized.

They’re standing back to back, crouched into fight stances.

Fire burns in Alistair’s palm, and sunlight glints in the sword that Lyra is holding.

They jerk back and blink in shock at the new environment around them.

Then my gaze finally finds him .

Draven.

He’s lying on his back on the sand, staring up at the bright blue sky above the arena.

Alive.

The air escapes my lungs in a long whoosh.

He’s alive . No crushed skull. No shattered torso. No broken bones and rivers of blood. He was transported back before the boulder could hit.

The glittering blue portal winks out beside me, closing the door to the strange forest and the lethal beings in bronze armor and the Red Faction who is still trapped in there with them.

A few steps from it, Orion Nightbane gapes at us.

His eyes are wide with shock, and his mouth has dropped open as he stares between the six of us.

Isera, having recovered from the abrupt end to her sprint, saunters towards him with a smirk on her face. “So, about that bargain, pretty boy.”

With a smile on his face, Galen rushes over to Draven and grabs his forearm, pulling him up from the ground.

“You did it!” Lyra calls, her face beaming as she bounces over to them as well.

Even Alistair smiles as he follows her.

I just stand there, staring at Draven as he brushes sand off his armor.

For a second, the moment seems suspended in time.

Then Draven turns to me.

And my heart stops.

Burning hatred flares up in his eyes as his gaze meets mine.

Pain stabs at my heart, and I suck in a sharp breath.

My mind is still trying to block out everything.

The pain. The memories. The knowledge of what I’ve done.

The implications of it. A fragile shell of glass is keeping it all back, and I’m afraid that if I breathe too deeply, it’s going to shatter and let everything in.

With my mind still a numb void, I summon my magic and reach out towards Draven. Another sharp jab of pain spears through my heart as my magic connects with a red-violet wildfire of hatred. A wildfire that has my distinctive feel to it. Hatred that my magic created.

My heart pounds in my ears as I try to smother that flame.

It decreases steadily at first, going from a wildfire down to a flame. But once it reaches a steadily burning flame, I can’t lower it any further.

A whimper of pain and desperation slips from my lips as I throw everything I have into trying to extinguish that flame of hatred.

But it doesn’t work.

No matter what I do, I can’t remove it.

Because I created it.

And now, it’s permanent.

A sob rips from deep within my chest, and I have to press my hand against my mouth to stop the sound of it.

All around me, the crowd is cheering and yelling in the stands.

The noise of it vibrates through the packed arena like the roar of a storm.

Across the sand, Isera is smirking and gloating about our victory to the Unseelie King while Lyra is laughing and telling Galen and Draven about the fight that she and Alistair were in when they were transported back.

All of them are smiling.

None of them know what I had to do to buy us this victory. What I had to sacrifice to save Draven’s life.

Because he is alive. The boulder did not crush his skull. And the portal did not kill him. Because he no longer loves me.

He hates me now.

And I can’t take it back.

Those fragile glass walls keeping everything at bay start to crack.

I suck in a gasp. Whirling around, I sprint towards the nearest exit. No one stops me. And I’m glad for it. Because if someone had, I think I might have killed them.

My vision starts to blur as I stumble through gloomy hallways until I finally reach a door. Shouldering it open, I stagger out into the deserted street outside the arena.

The sun is shining brightly down from a clear blue sky, and colorful spring flowers bloom in the ceramic pots that dot the windowsills on the other side of the street.

Leaves rustle in a tree farther down the road as a gentle breeze sweeps between the houses.

Across the city, the rush of the waterfalls fills the air along with birds that chirp merrily as they fly past. Water glitters in the canals.

And behind me, the entire arena is still cheering.

Everyone is happy.

Everything is beautiful and bright and colorful.

But all I can see in my mind is a pair of golden eyes staring at me with utter hatred.

The glass walls shatter.

A raw scream tears from my throat.

My knees buckle, and I crash down on the cobblestone street. Slamming my hands into the stones before me, I scream and scream and scream until all I can taste is blood and iron and pain.

Agony carves through my chest like a burning blade. It feels as if someone has ripped my heart out. As if someone has ripped him out.

I can still feel Draven faintly through what remains of my mate bond, but his side of it has shattered. It leaves me feeling unmoored. Untethered. As if I’m drifting, lost and alone through a vast empty universe.

Tears stream down my face as I slam my hands against the ground and scream my lungs out. Scream for broken bonds and lost love and shattered futures.

I had him. I finally had him. The missing piece of my soul. The other half of my heart. He was all mine. And now, I’ve lost him.

No. No, I haven’t lost him. I have destroyed him.

I have ruined him. I have taken his love for me and smothered it underneath a mountain of hatred.

A burning flame of hatred that doesn’t belong to him.

A flame of hatred that I can’t remove. Even now, even here on this deserted street, I can feel it faintly through my side of the mate bond.

Like a death blow echoing from far away.

I’ve ruined him.

I’ve ruined us.

Gasping, I try to drag air into my lungs. But I can’t breathe. A massive weight is crushing my chest and I can’t fucking breathe. Tears stream down my cheeks. I can’t move. I can’t think. Pain slashes through the torn remains of my bleeding heart.

And all around me, the world keeps on going. The sun keeps on shining. The birds keep on singing.

Rage and pain and utter devastation crash through my broken soul.

Why is the sun still shining? Why are the birds still singing? How can the world possibly keep on going after this?

But the answer comes from deep within the poisonous pits of my darkened mind.

Because I have only done what I always do.

I have ruined everything.