Page 19

19. Mend What’s Broken

Kerry

We figured the woman was about sixty and an experienced hiker, to go by her clothes, boots, and gear falling out of her backpack. I crouched next to her, looking for an ID. She was crumpled on her side, face down, and her long gray hair was coming loose from a black bandana. Far as I could tell, she hadn’t been dead that long. At least, she wasn’t stiff or anything.

As I rolled her over, I heard running feet coming closer, but I didn’t look up. I could tell who it was.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Rome called out.

I turned my head to look at him and saw Gemma skid to a stop a few feet away. Her hands flew to her mouth and her eyes were horrified.

“You killed a human!”

Jax, Gigi, Spin, and Chance came to a stop behind her and formed a half circle around us.

“Oh, no.”

“What happened, Kerry?”

“You killed a human?”

Then the others must have caught up and joined them because I could hear Tara, Maddy, and Travis saying the same things. John asked Rome why he hadn’t stepped in, but Rome stayed silent, hunkered down by the backpack.

He’s probably gonna let them think I murdered this woman. The two of us aren’t exactly friends.

I stood, moved back, and folded my arms over my chest. Bracing my legs wide and welding my eyes to a pine tree, I tried to block out their voices.

I’d known this was coming. The day I’d told the story of my possession, I’d known it would cost me friends. And I’d known I had to prepare for it, but I’d kept getting sidetracked and told myself I’d work on it later.

Well, I guess later’s arrived. Now what?

Sure, I’d brought it on myself. I’d made the decision all on my own and now I had to live with the consequences. I only wished my sacrifice had worked. I’d paid a steep price to try and save my mom’s life.

And I’m still paying for it. For how long? The rest of my life? A knot of pure pain cramped my throat and my eyes stung. Because if it is, I don’t think I wanna do this anymore. I mean, if it had saved her, bring it on. I’d take this and more if it meant she lived. But she died. And I don’t deserve this. Or do I?

“Would you all stop?” Spin yelled all of a sudden. “Kerry didn’t do anything! Look at this woman. She was torn up by something with claws. And can’t any of you smell ? This is what the Diabolical stink like! Plus, she’s been dead long enough for her blood to congeal. Maybe two hours now.”

I looked away from the pine trunk’s cracked bark to find ten pairs of eyes staring at me. I straightened my shoulders and kept my feet planted. When Gemma started toward me, I moved back.

The one person I trusted above all others, and she was the first to point a finger.

“You didn’t even ask.” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“What?”

“If I did it. You didn’t ask. You saw me next to a dead body and that was it. I musta killed her.”

Why does it hurt so much to know how she sees me? My chest filled with a tangled ball of barbed wire. It’s nothing less than the truth.

“Rome said— I saw— I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t!” I buried my hands deeper into my armpits and locked my face up tight. “Just lemme alone.”

“Wait.”

“I said I wanna be alone right now.”

“I know you’re angry,” she kept trying, “but I want a chance to explain.”

“Like the chance you gave me a few seconds ago?”

She looked like I punched her, and I felt bad about that, but she’d hurt me first.

“Calm down and listen to me.” She put her hand on my arm.

I froze.

At the start of this mission, Clem had asked me about my one and only fear. Since a tainted soul is Hell-bound, I imagine he thought it was dying, but he wasn’t even close. I knew what waited for me in the afterlife, and it wasn’t Heaven.

So, no, it wasn’t my death I feared.

It was Gemma Shepherd’s.

And nothing on this earth terrified me more than knowing my own hands could be responsible for it. All it would take was for me to lose control and for her to be in the path of my rage. I saw it in my mind’s eye over and over, and it looked exactly like this moment.

“Careful, angel.” I pried her hand off and dropped it. I wasn’t safe, but I made sure to be gentle. “You’ll get dirty touching something like me.”

She gasped and cradled her hand to her chest like I’d broken it. Now, that hurt more than I would have guessed, and a blue cloud fizzed up around me.

“Calm down.” Jax held his hands down and away as he came closer. “You’re right to be upset, but you’re leaking too much power. You could hurt someone.”

I wanna hurt someone! I shouted in my head. You all think I’m a monster? Heh. You have no idea what a monster I can be.

Seeing a ball of orange coming at me, I threw up a shield as hard as diamond. I didn’t wanna be controlled. I didn’t wanna be calmed.

“Breathe, buddy.” He came closer. “Slow and easy.”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t think the same thing! All of you did!”

Flames licked up and down my arms, telling me my control was nearly gone, so I turned and walked away.

“You can’t leave. You’re our team leader!” he called out. “What do we do with this dead body?”

“Ask Rome! I quit!”

“You can’t quit in the middle of a mission!”

“This isn’t a mission anymore!” I bellowed. “It’s a complete cluster!”

I slashed a hand through the air and accidentally exploded the Christmas tree next to me.

Crap. I really am gonna hurt someone.

So I ran, my legs and arms pumping like pistons, and got away from there.

What I’d suspected from the beginning was true. They were only friends with me out of pity. I had pity friends and a pity girlfriend. They let me tag along and included me in stuff because they pitied me. Wasn’t like they really wanted to be my friend.

Maybe they saw it as the right thing to do, to be nice to the scarred freak no one else would bother with. Probably was some kind of effing virtue.

Or, a new thought dawned on me, they didn’t want me to twist like Cole Fanishell or Reilly Argaud and have to fight me a few years down the road.

Okay, Gemma ain’t capable of thinking that way, but Jax and John definitely are. It’s what I would think.

Running even faster, I ignored the branches and thorns tearing at me and let my feet go where they wanted. It didn’t matter where I ended up or if I ran into whatever had killed that old woman or if something happened to me. It hadn’t mattered to anyone for years.

Why would it matter now?

#

Gemma

“What do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?! ”

I ended on a scream and ground my fists into my forehead.

Bent double under the unbearable pain in my chest, I was vaguely aware of Gigi leaning down and talking to me, then someone touched my arm and I felt Jax’s power flow into me.

“Easy, Gemma. Calm down. He’ll be back after he blows off some steam. Then you can make it right.” “I don’t know if I can make this right.” Tears coursed down my cheeks. “Did you see his face ? Did you see his eyes ? If I’d stabbed him in the heart, I couldn’t have done more damage!”

Tara and Maddy joined the huddle around me, trying to offer comfort.

“We have to make it right.” John sounded upset. “We all jumped to the same conclusion.”

“And it hurt him.” Gigi sniffed. “I mean, it hurt him.”

“Why didn’t you say anything, Rome?” Chance’s voice was quiet, but I heard it. “You could have stopped them before things escalated.”

I looked over at Rome, who hadn’t spoken or moved since I’d found them. The big warrior wore a look of disgust on his face, and I cowered a little as he glared at me. Swiping my tears away with the back of my hand, I straightened up and faced the music.

“Didn’t have a chance to say anything. Kerry and I were trying to find an ID on the body so we could plan what to do with it when she came running up.” He threw down the backpack he was holding and stood. “He rolled the woman over and I said he shouldn’t have done that. Meaning, if we decide to call in the human authorities, they’ll know he moved the body. You know how they worship science, especially forensics. Next thing I know, everyone’s yelling about Kerry murdering a human.”

His calm, even tone didn’t hide the fact he was chastising us.

“You need to think . This is the Real World. It’s life and death and sometimes only one decision stands between the two. There are no classroom walls around you out here. You can’t second-guess each other.”

I hung my head. He was right.

“And if you didn’t trust Kerry, you never should have agreed to be on his team. You can’t be a cohesive unit if you doubt your leader.”

“We do trust him.” Travis’ eyes were fastened on his feet.

“Doesn’t look that way to me. To Kerry, either. When he gets back, you need to say sorry and hope he accepts your apologies, or this team is destined to fail before it finishes its first mission.”

I bit my bottom lip. I didn’t think Kerry would be willing to even hear us out, let alone give us a chance to apologize.

He must be feeling so betrayed right now! And by me , of all people. He said he trusted me completely, and I failed him at the first challenge. After I promised myself I would protect his heart. If anyone is a monster, it’s me!

“Should I go after him?” Spin jerked his head in the direction Kerry had disappeared.

“No.” Rome sighed and eyed the horizon. “Like Jax said, he’ll be back when he cools off. Right now, we need to deal with the situation at hand.”

“What if he runs into whatever killed the human?” Spin didn’t let it go. “He could be in danger.”

Rome hesitated, and I wondered if he was seriously thinking about sending someone after Kerry. That would be a disaster.

“Don’t,” I said. “As much as I want to go after him myself, it would not be a wise idea. He’d hurt you without meaning to. That’s why he left.”

“And he can take care of himself.” Travis lifted his eyes from the ground.

“With the mood he’s in,” John added, “we’ll hear it if he’s attacked.”

“So will half the mountain.” Jax tried to smile, but I could tell he was upset.

I drew in a shaky breath, willed my tears to stop, and made myself listen as Rome dished out orders.

“Tara, go with John back down the trail until you get a signal on your phone and call emergency services. Tell them we found a dead hiker, give them these GPS coordinates, and get back here. If they ask, say it looks like a bear attack to you.”

He asked Spin and Maddy to look around for any Diabolical residue, then sent the rest of us to search the area for anything else connected to the hiker or the attack. He gave us strict orders not to touch anything suspicious and, if we came across Kerry, to leave him alone. He told us to return in an hour, but also to listen for his shout in case he needed us back sooner than that.

As I carefully searched the leaf litter and low-hanging branches, I worried about how much damage my thoughtless reaction had done to Kerry’s fragile self-esteem, not to mention our relationship. He’d spent the last six months learning how to be human again; he must feel his efforts had been wasted. We’d let him down.

I had let him down.

And now he would go right back to thinking we only pitied him.

I will make this right. I have to. I was stupid and silly and screwed up. I know that. But I won’t give up until I prove to him that he is more than an object of pity. No matter how long it takes.

#

Rome

The human authorities arrived within the hour and conducted a cursory investigation. They were easily convinced it was a bear attack, despite the time of year. Tara had suggested the unusually warm weather may have fooled one out of hibernation early, and Jax reminded them bears didn’t sleep through the entire winter. They were known to get up and leave their dens for brief forays.

And it helped when Spin “found” a bear track heading toward the west, where the trees grew thicker on the mountainside.

“You kids be careful as you go,” the park ranger said when his team was finished bundling up the corpse and had started down the trail.

“Yes, sir,” I nodded. “And thanks for the bear pepper spray.”

“The trail traffic won’t pick up in this area for a few more weeks at least, but if you’re through-hiking, just pass it off to a northbound soul if you don’t use it before you’re done.” The ranger shook my hand. “Enjoy the rest of your hike.”

The others said goodbye and waved as he left.

Relieved of the humans, I gathered everyone up and followed the trail Spin and Maddy had found. We didn’t go far, maybe a few hundred yards, before Tara found a suitable place to camp for the night.

Dusk was coming.

I hope Kerry comes back soon.

I was worried about the kid. I couldn’t imagine the depth of disillusionment he must be feeling. Especially since it was his girl who called him out in front of everyone. I watched the treeline and sighed with relief when I finally saw him.

I called everyone together and asked them to let me lead the conversation. Gemma looked mutinous at first, but Jax spoke with her for a moment and she relented. Spin came to stand on one side of me and Chance the other, and we all watched Kerry approach the campsite.

He stopped twenty or so feet away with his fists rammed into his coat pockets, and I figured he must have caught a branch in the face because blood crusted a long cut under one of his eyes.

When he remained silent, I launched into my spiel with what I hoped was a neutral tone.

“We need to get this situation straightened out ASAP.” I eyed them one by one as I spoke. “Kerry was entrusted with a leadership position for a reason. And you all agreed to be on his team. Yes, he screwed up by rolling over the body. It gave you the wrong impression about what happened, and it could have hampered us when dealing with humans. But the rest of you need to have faith in him. Otherwise, why do you want to be on his team?”

As I listened to a general shuffling of feet, I found I wasn’t as tense as I thought I’d be. It was way less awkward to deliver Conflict Resolution 101 than to be on the receiving end, I realized.

“Kerry, you could apologize for breaking investigative protocol by moving the corpse. And the rest of you need to apologize for doubting him. Even if he had killed someone, he only would have done so for a good reason or just cause. If you can’t believe that about him, pack your gear. It’s time for you to go home.”

They all started talking at once, each one saying sorry in their own way. Gemma moved closer to him, but he wouldn’t look at her and actually dodged when she reached out with one hand. She bit her lip, her face as pale as watered-down milk, but she stopped and gave him the space he obviously needed.

“I’m sorry I touched the body,” was all Kerry said, his face and voice devoid of any emotion.

Wincing, I thought I’d better step in again.

“I know an apology isn’t always enough to mend what’s broken.” I turned to the larger group. “But it’s a start. We have a lot to do before nightfall and a hard day tracking something Diabolical tomorrow.”

I glanced at Kerry and saw Spin and Chance had moved to flank him. I nodded in approval. He might not understand it as a sign of support, but I hoped the others would.

“Kerry,” I said, “the humans concluded it was a bear attack. We’re on the Diabolical trail Spin and Maddy found, and Tara has us set up to camp for the night. What do you want us to do next?”

“I told you, I quit.” He shrugged. “You lead them.”

“SOP is, you lead the team until it is safely back at the Sanctuary. You don’t have the option to quit.”

“Screw that!” He threw his hands up. “I’ve had six months of high school! I haven’t taken any leadership classes or had any kind of training for this! Clem said we were gonna clean out some Hellhounds and be back at the Sanctuary in a day or two. I don’t know what to do next. All I know how to do is kill things!”

“I’ll help you.” I met his eyes. “We’ve already been working on it, right? You can do this. Clem obviously thinks so, or he never would have pulled you into a mission at all, even an easy one. I know this feels like a trial by fire, but it’ll be okay. Now, what do you want us to do next?”

He stared at me for a minute, then sighed.

“Set watches before it gets dark, eat, and sleep.” He frowned and looked away. “We can follow the trail at first light.”

“All right, you heard the man.” Spin clapped his hands. “Let’s finish getting ready for the night. Chop chop.”

He directed half the team to gather firewood and the other half to build a quick fire ring. Gemma lingered, trying to catch Kerry’s eye, and Spin made shooing gestures at her. He was right. This was not the time for a heart-to-heart between those two. When she reluctantly left, Spin turned to Kerry.

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll divide the watch and pair everyone up with either me, Chance, or Rome.”

“All right.” Kerry nodded. “Put Maddy with Rome first, then Jax or Tara with you. I can go last with Chance, unless he doesn’t want—”

“I’ll stand watch with you,” Chance interrupted.

Kerry nodded, then turned toward the treeline.

I traded looks with Chance, whose shrug told me there was nothing more I could do to help.

I’d figured as much.

Yeah, it’s going to take more than apologies to fix this mess.

#

Kerry

“Here.” Chance held out a rolled-up piece of paper.

I looked at him outta the corner of my eye. I wasn’t too up on trusting anyone right then.

We were about two hundred yards from camp, sitting on a flat boulder as the last of the stars faded. The watches had all gone smoothly, which I’d expected. Whatever had ripped that woman up needed a handler, and a handler wouldn’t have hung around so close to the scene.

No, he or she would want to gain some distance before setting the trap.

“Hey,” Chance said. “Take this.”

I reached over and took the tube of paper, careful to keep my fingers from touching Chance’s.

“What is it?”

“The lady’s name and address. In case you wanted to know later.” Chance shrugged. “Rome got it off her driver’s license. He gave the ranger his phone number and asked him to call or leave a message when they find her next of kin. He wants to talk to them. He’s big on closure like that.”

I took out my wallet, slipped the paper into one of the sleeves, and tucked it back in my jeans pocket. I didn’t want to think about the lady who’d died because something evil wanted to get to us.

At least, I was pretty sure that was why she was killed. Whether it was to confuse us or lure us into a trap, the woman was killed because of us. I got the sense Rome felt guilty about it, but my brain wasn’t set up that way. All it did was make me angry and more determined to find her killer and destroy it.

“I can feel what you do, you know.” Chance broke into my thoughts again. “I’m an empath.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I have a side skill for empathy.”

Empathy? I didn’t know that word.

“What do you mean, you can feel what I do? You mean the blister on my heel or—”

“Your emotions.” Chance shook his head. “All those miserable thoughts swirling around in your head. It’s making me dizzy.”

“I know a muse who gets sick from bad emotions. Good ones make him happy. Too much of either knocks him out.”

“The curse of a muse.” Chance nodded. “Empaths are a little different. I can’t influence your mood, only read your emotions. Usually, I need contact to read as much as I’m getting from you, but you’re incandescent. I imagine even a sensitive human could pick up on it. Your muse friend would pass out in a second if he were here. If you want, I can help you.”

I froze. I didn’t want anybody to help me, but I was gonna explode if I couldn’t get a handle on this wild firestorm inside me.

“What do you have to do? Even knowing you mean no harm, I don’t think I can let you touch me right now. I don’t wanna hurt you, but that’s what would happen.”

“I don’t need to touch you. We healers have to get pretty creative with delivering relief since touch isn’t always an option. Anyway, it won’t last forever, but I’d like to try apathy.”

I’d never heard of that word, either. It sounded like empathy, though, and they both sounded like sympathy.

Blah, blah, blah, something about emotions. Yeah, I sure could do without a few of those right now.

“Will it dull my senses?” I tilted my head. “I need to be on my toes. We’re going to run into the trap today.”

“A trap? Today? How do you know?”

“Well, maybe tomorrow,” I admitted, “but no later. That’s how the Diabolical think. Harass, lure, lay in wait, attack. And they aren’t patient. They’ll attack within a day.”

Chance said it wouldn’t affect my senses and I studied him, but saw only honesty in those odd purple eyes. With a sigh, I gave in.

“Okay, I guess— Wait! It won’t mess up Chessie’s ward, will it? I need that more than I need peace.”

“Chessie’s ward?”

Figuring seeing was believing, I shrugged out of my jacket and peeled off my sweater, then shoved my sleeve up past the dragon tattoo to where Chessie had branded the ward on my bicep. Chance looked at it for a long time. I tolerated it until he reached out a finger like he was gonna trace over it.

That was too close. I bolted ten feet away in a fraction of a second. I yanked down my sleeve and watched Chance blink.

“Well, whoever Chessie is, she’s not only powerful, she’s a genius.” He tossed me my sweater. “Most small wards like this last a few weeks or a month. That one will last you at least a year. Maybe even two.”

“Her name’s Chessie Catt.” I pulled the gray wool over my head. “She’s a transitionist.”

“Without touching it, I couldn’t get much beyond that it’s for protection.” Chance gave me a funny look and I could almost guess what he was gonna ask. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’m curious. I mean, you’re a level ten warrior. What would you need protection from?”

I looked away and stared into the trees. I didn’t like baring my weaknesses, but what would it hurt for him to know?

“Nightmares.”

Chance was quiet for a second, then said what he wanted to do wouldn’t interfere with the ward. With a deep breath, I moved back to the boulder and snagged my jacket. Once it was on and zipped, I told him to do it.

The next thing I knew, he held up a tiny squirt gun and golden water spritzed in my face. August Richter, Gemma’s warden, had done something similar in the fall with a bottle of bubbles and I half-smiled at the memory. Then goosebumps broke out on my arms and back - and the raging tiger settled down in its cage and went to sleep.

With Gemma’s calm, I was aware of my emotions, but they weren’t too important and I could think around them. This, though, wiped everything away. I wasn’t worried, wasn’t destroyed, wasn’t furious, wasn’t anything at all.

It was perfect.

“This is better than any drug I ever tried. I’m not out of it, just numb.”

“Yeah, we’ll have to be careful not to get you addicted to it,” Chance said, and I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not.

“Thanks. I owe you one.”

“Tell you what. Introduce me to Chessie Catt and we’ll call it even.”