Page 12 of Coerced (Tainted #2)

12. First and Only Choice

Kerry

My eyes snapped open. Lying still, I listened hard until I heard a whimpering noise, like someone trying to cry as quietly as possible. Gemma’s tent was next to mine, but why would she be crying in the middle of the night? She wore one of Chessie’s wards to protect her from bad dreams, and there was no way it could have worn out so soon.

Maybe a noise had scared her.

I rolled out of my sleeping bag, unzipped my tent, and slid into my boots. Standing in front of her tent, I thought about how to do this. It wasn’t like I could knock on a door or anything, so I crouched down and called her name.

“Kerry?” her voice wobbled.

“Who else would it be? Why are you crying? Can I come in?”

She didn’t answer, but the front of her tent unzipped. I peeked in and saw she was on her hands and knees inside, her face two or three inches from mine. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders and her cheeks were wet.

“What’s wrong, angel?” I reached out with one hand to wipe away her tears. “You lose Sir Martin? Or have a nightmare?”

“My night light died.”

I blinked.

Okaaay. Not what I expected.

“It’s a full moon and the sky is clear. Look.” I moved aside so the moonlight shone on her face. “It’s not even really dark out.”

“I know,” she hiccuped, then moved back to sit on her sleeping bag. She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them.

“Do you want my flashlight?” I tried again.

She shook her head, and I was at a complete loss.

“What can I do to make this better?”

“Hold me?”

She held out a hand, and I dropped to my knees without a second thought. Leaving my boots outside, I zipped the door closed and crawled over, then gathered her up.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“For what? I’m exactly where I wanna be. I should be thanking you.”

“But I broke it!” She started crying again, this time in breathy little sobs. “It was the first gift you made me and I broke it!”

I had no clue what she was talking about.

“You’re gonna have to give me a little more. I’m completely in the dark here.”

Her sob became a giggle, and I wondered what was wrong with her.

“Is it PMS? Because, if it is, I got you. I brought along two emergency bars of dark chocolate.”

“No, it’s not PMS.” The giggle became a laugh.

When she turned her face into my neck, I felt her smile against my skin.

“I’m gonna guess I’m being funny without knowing it again.” My lips grazed her skin. “Let me see this night light. Maybe I can fix it.”

She held up a slip of paper.

Oh. It was the candle I drew her months ago, on the night she’d healed my back. The same night I fell the rest of the way in love with her, although it had taken me a long time to figure that out.

Examining it, I couldn’t feel any of the power I’d put into it. That was odd. It should have lasted way longer.

Unless she’s been using it every single night since then. But why? She has a regular night light in her room. And I hung up that net of Christmas lights across the ceiling for her. She doesn’t need this when she’s home.

My heart stuttered. She hadn’t cried because it was dark and she was scared. She’d cried because she thought it was broken.

So maybe she didn’t need to use it, but she wanted to . Maybe because it had something to do with … me? Whoa. That’s—

I didn’t have words for what that was.

“It just needs a recharge.” I filled it with as much power as it could hold. “Try it now.”

She pressed her thumb to the flame, and it lit up.

“Thank you!”

She angled her head to smile at me and her eyes dropped to my lips. When her cheeks turned pink, my lips twitched.

“Do you wanna kiss me, angel?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Good, because I wanna kiss you, too.”

My lips met hers and her innocent, eager response set me on fire. Cupping her chin with one hand, I slipped the other under her top and rubbed the warm silk of her stomach with my thumb.

“Can I touch you, too, Kerry?”

She always asked first, knowing I spooked easy when it came to touching. It was crazy, the care she took with me.

“How did I earn you?” My voice was husky. “You’re— You’re everything good , Gemma. It pours out of you.”

“Stop it. I’m not.” Her face went red.

You don’t even know it, do you, angel?

“Yeah, you can touch me,” I murmured, then waited to see what she’d do.

One day last week, she’d played with my face, rubbing my cheeks, tweaking my nose, and tracing the tips of my ears. And I’d tolerated it, because it had made her eyes light up.

It was a totally different story the day she ran her hands up my arms and over my shoulders, pressing all her softness against my chest to reach my back.

Yeah, definitely coulda used a snowbank that day.

Tonight, though, she wasn’t playful or intense. Judging by her face, the best I could come up with was curious.

She slid her hand under the hem of my shirt and found my belly button. I shivered, goosebumps everywhere, when she drew a circle around it with her index finger. Then her little fingers trailed over my abs to the thick scar above my hip bone.

Okay, I can handle this. She’s seen that scar before. And her hands feel amazing on my skin.

When I touched the corner of her mouth with my lips, she made a breathy little sound that encouraged me, so I kissed her again.

She melted against me, and I groaned low in my throat. It must have startled her because she jerked back. I blinked, reminding myself she was brand new to all of this and nervous.

It was my turn to not spook her .

Problem was, I wanted her in the worst way and, if she started moving around too much, there would be no way to hide it from her. Not in this position while wearing flannel pajama pants. I didn’t wanna stop, but I was going to go too far too fast if I didn’t - and neither of us were ready for that.

“Gemma, we need to stop.”

“What?” Her eyes were fogged over.

“We need to stop.”

“Did I— Did I do something wrong?”

“No, angel. Everything you’re doing is too right.”

“Huh?”

Guess we all have to grow up sometime.

I moved my hands to her hips and pulled her bottom tight against me and bit back a groan at how good it felt. I had to fight to keep from rocking against her to soothe what ached, but things would get complicated quick if I did.

Her shocked eyes flew up to mine.

“Sorry.” I moved back. “I let this go too far too fast.”

She got to her knees and looked down there , her cheeks redder than I’d ever seen.

“Does that happen a lot?” she asked.

“Every time I touch you.”

“Why haven’t I, uh, noticed before?”

“I usually hide it from you.” My cheeks were getting red now.

“Why?”

“I don’t wanna embarrass you or make you feel pressured into something.” I shrugged. “Now stop looking.”

“I can’t.” Her smile was pure trouble, but she raised her eyes to mine.

“See what happens when you invite your boyfriend into your bed in the middle of the night?”

“You know you’re my first boyfriend and the only boy I’ve ever invited—”

“Yeah, angel, I know.” I took her hands in mine.

“My first and only.” Her soft eyes told me that what she was saying went deeper than the words. “The only one ever, Kerry.”

She’d said the same thing a couple of weeks ago when I’d finally come clean about the biggest reason why I didn’t like to be touched. I hadn’t wanted to, but she deserved to know everything she was getting into by dating me.

And she’d cried as she’d told me that I answered for my choices and my choices alone. Not the demon’s or anything it had forced me to do. At the end of the day, I was responsible only for my decisions and their consequences.

Some of the guilt had lifted that day. My sins weren’t absolved - never would be - and the taint wasn’t gone - again, never would be - but I’d felt a little lighter for her words. A little lighter, and a bit more hopeful.

Now, looking into her shining eyes, I smiled and squeezed her hands.

“And you’re my first choice , angel. My first and only choice ever . And now you should get some sleep. Morning’s gonna be here before you know it.”

“Stay with me?”

Oh, no. Not puppy dog eyes!

“Grr. Okay, but no more kissing or touching. I mean it, Gemma. I can only take so much. I am not made of stone.”

“Could have fooled me.”

Her grin was so sassy, I wanted to suck it right off her lips. Strangling a little, I spun, unzipped the tent, and reached for my boots.

“Don’t go, Lab Rat. I’ll behave.”

“Snuggle up to Sir Martin until I come back.”

“What if I fall asleep before then? You’ll leave and go back to your own tent.”

“You’re getting spoiled.” I frowned down at her. “But if that’s what you want, I’ll stay. Even if you’re asleep.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, angel.”

#

Gemma

I woke up when Kerry unzipped the tent opening and came in with an armload of cloth. It took me a second to realize it was his sleeping bag.

“Hey, you,” I said on a yawn.

“I had a thought.” He spread his sleeping bag out next to mine. “You’re the strongest healer anyone has ever seen and Travis is a walking, talking research library. Between the two of you, maybe you could come up with a way to free Clem’s Amanda.”

I turned it over in my tired brain while he slid into his sleeping bag and wiggled around to get comfortable.

“We could kill her by mistake,” I said at last.

“What difference would it make? Kill her or free her, either would be a mercy. For both of them.”

It was harsh, the way he’d said it, but I knew it was true.

“I suppose you’re right. Kerry?” I was determined to ask him this time. “The shadow prince. The avatar. What did he do to you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he muttered.

“That bad, huh?”

“If I told you, you would cry and that would upset me. Then neither of us would get any rest tonight. You ’specially need to sleep. We’re relying on you to keep Jax alive.”

“Kerry—”

“Listen, you don’t need to burden yourself with every little thing that’s ever happened to me,” he grumbled. “Those memories are my weight to carry. But if it bothers you that much, one day I’ll strip down to my shorts and you can ask me about any scar you want and I’ll tell you everything. You’ve already seen most of them anyway.”

“You would do that for me?” I was awed by his offer.

“Like I said, you’re getting spoiled. But it’s too cold tonight and you’re exhausted.”

“And who’s the one spoiling me?” I purred.

“Hush up and go to sleep.”

“Kerry?”

“Yeah?”

He sounded wary and I held back a mischievous grin.

“You really shouldn’t give in to me so much.”

“Just go to sleep already!” he growled over my giggles.