Page 6

CHAPTER 5

TANNER

“ T hat’s amazing, honey,” my mom replied tiredly as she watched the video of Jake’s home run that his coach had sent us. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jake beamed, and another wave of guilt hit me square in the chest. I’d missed his homerun. Not only that, but it had been the game-winning run that had secured his team a spot in the playoffs, and not one family member had been there to see it.

My mom’s eyes started to drift close. She wouldn’t last long. Usually, she was out before we even made it home from her treatments, but she’d forced herself to stay awake so she could hear about Jake’s game. It ate at her that she could never be there for any of our events. But it wasn’t her fault. Even if she was having a good day, with how compromised her immune system was, it would be a major risk for her to attend a sporting event at a high school. Maybe if his team made the championship, we could work something out . . . but even that would be dangerous.

This was my fault. I was the one who was supposed to be picking up the slack but seemed to always be failing. Mom’s eyes closed again.

“Let me get Mom settled in her room and we’ll order a celebration pizza.”

“Pizza!” my little sisters shouted and danced around. “Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” Well, fuck. Not that they meant it that way, but that was only another thing to feel guilty about. They shouldn’t be that excited about a damn pizza, but money was always so tight and focused on bills and medical expenses that extras like pizza didn’t happen often.

“You take care of Mom, and I’ll order the pizza and get the girls calmed down.” I met Jake’s eyes, filled with gratitude. I’d gotten so fucking lucky with him. When I was 17, I was always so bitter. Pissed at the hand life had given me. It hadn’t been until my failed semester at college that I’d let all that bullshit go. Maybe it wasn’t the life I wanted, but I loved my family, and I would do anything for them.

“Thank you,” I said, hoping he could feel everything behind the words. He’d even understood when I’d told him I’d be missing his game. I could tell he was disappointed, but he’d put on a brave face like always. It hurt and made me happy at the same time.

The girls were still dancing and singing as I lifted Mom gently off the couch and carried her to the bedroom. She would need a bath tomorrow, but tonight she just needed rest.

I helped her into her pajamas and then into bed. Once the pillows were right and I made sure she had some water and her evening meds, I leaned over, kissing her head. “Night, Ma. Get some sleep.”

She flashed me a weak smile, but it was full of love. “Good night, baby. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I closed the door, tightness in my chest. Every time I did that, I wondered if this would be the last time, if I’d walk in in the morning and realize Mom wasn’t waking up and she never would. It was why Jake and I had an unspoken agreement that the girls weren’t allowed in Mom’s room until we went in first. I didn’t want him to see that either, but I couldn’t be here all the time and still pay the bills, so unfortunately it fell to him.

I shook off the thoughts. Today was a day of celebration. Pizza and spending time with the kids. Maybe I’d even play a few rounds of the newest Mortal Kombat with Jake before bed.

Pushing back all the depressing thoughts and guilt, I made my way to the kitchen, where Jake was currently arguing with six-year-old Kenzie that she couldn’t have ice cream as an appetizer.

“Oh look, Tanner will agree with me!” Kenzie yelled. She jumped off her chair so she could stand in front of me, her little arms crossed over her chest. Kenzie was the odd one out. All the rest of us had dark brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. Then there was Kenzie, pale, blue eyes, and blonde. It must’ve come from her dad because the rest of us all looked like Mom. Not that we would ever know. I still remembered the day Mom had sat us down with sad eyes but a happy smile to tell us that there would be another baby coming.

She’d already been sick, and I’d freaked out. I’d almost been 17, a junior in high school and on my way to securing a full scholarship to college for football. I’d pushed her on who the father was, but she wouldn’t budge. She’d insisted that this baby was our sibling and that was all that mattered.

I guessed at the end of the day, that was true. I loved Kenzie just as much as Jake, Lucy, and Mia.

“What will I agree with?” I asked her, trying to keep the humor out of my voice. I met Jake’s eyes to let him know I wasn’t going to undermine his authority on this. He might’ve been a kid too, but they needed to listen to him.

“That it’s a celebration so that means ice cream before dinner is fine!”

I ran my fingers through her blonde locks, smiling. “It is a celebration. But we still need to fill our bellies with real food.” She started to pout. “How about we eat ice cream after the pizza? Even at birthday parties, you eat the cake afterward, right?”

She tilted her head up, thinking before finally sighing. “Yeah, I guess.” I kissed her head. “Good. Now why don’t you get washed up before the food gets here.” I looked at Mia and Lucy, who were 10 and 11 respectively. “You too.”

There was some mumbling, but the girls all left, and I turned to Jake. “Thanks,” he muttered. “The pizza should be here in 15.”

“Ok, great.” I sat down at the table and waited him out. I sensed he wanted to talk about something and didn’t want to rush him. Jake had always been a thinker, even when he’d been little. He was careful with his words and wouldn’t say anything until he was sure. That was a quality that had skipped me in the gene pool.

He grabbed a can of soda out of the fridge and came and sat down. I raised my eyebrows at the choice. Soda was usually a weekend drink.

He smirked at me. “It’s a celebration.”

Snorting, I sighed. “You’re right. You could have gotten me one at least.”

Jake grinned and bounced up to get me a can and then he sat back down. Once again, we both sat quietly while I waited for him to spill. “Coach told me scouts are gonna be at the playoff games. He thinks I have a good chance of catching their eye.”

I grinned, pride swelling in me. “That’s fucking awesome, man. ‘Course they’re interested in you. You’re amazing.”

Jake smiled but then got serious. “I kinda want to tell them not to bother.”

“The fuck?” It came out before I could stop it. “Why would you do that?”

My brother sighed heavily before sinking back in the old wooden kitchen chairs. I had found the whole set on the side of the road, and the two of us had spent a weekend sanding them down and repainting them in bright colors that matched nothing but made us happy. He gave me the side-eye. “C’mon, Tan. You know why. There are no good baseball programs around here. Coach said the scouts are coming from Florida, Georgia, maybe even one from Colorado. I can’t go to fucking Colorado.”

My first thought was to shut that bullshit down immediately, but I stopped the words before they blurted out, thankfully. Jake had thought about it, clearly, and I wasn’t going to dismiss him like that.

“Because of Mom?” I asked quietly.

He shrugged, finally looking like the sulky teen I’d been at his age. “She’s part of the reason. I don’t wanna be so far away if—” He cut off, but he didn’t need to finish. I got it. I’d only been an hour away and it had felt like torture. Every time I’d gone to sleep that one semester away, I’d wondered if I’d get a call in the middle of the night, and that had been before she’d taken a turn for the worse. Then that call had happened and everything had shattered. I could understand why Jake was reluctant to deal with that. He’d only been 11, but I knew he remembered.

“I understand,” I said quietly.

“It’s not only that. How can I leave? The girls are still so young and they need a lot, especially Kenzie. And Aunt Judy is fucking useless.”

I couldn’t help it; I barked out a laugh. “So fucking useless,” I agreed. Maybe it was wrong, but I was still pissed at her, and it was easier to have a viable target for our anger than throwing it around.

But then what Jake was implying finally hit and it hurt. “Jake . . . I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay here. You deserve a chance to go for your dreams. You’ve been talking about playing for the Nats since you were 2 years old.”

Jake smiled sadly at me. “What about you?”

I frowned. “What about me?”

“All those Aaron Rogers and Drew Bree posters that you covered our room with were just for fun?”

I snorted. “Maybe I thought they were hot.”

He wrinkled his nose. “I hope you have better taste than that. Besides, I clearly remember you whispering Channing Tatum’s name in your sleep.”

I laughed. Fuck, he was such a good kid. “Shut up. I did not.” I totally had. And not only in my sleep either. His name had been thrown around a lot in the shower too.

But then I sobered up and got back to the point. “What does my questionable taste in men and room décor have to do with anything though?”

“‘Cause it wasn’t only room décor and crushes. You wanted to be a football player, Tan. And you could’ve been. You were fucking good. You even started on a D1 team your freshman year. That doesn’t just happen.”

I looked down at the table and traced a groove in the wood. I could hear the girls giggling in the living room. My guess was that Mia figured out we were having a serious conversation and was distracting them. But that meant I had to answer Jake.

It hurt thinking about it, even if I didn’t regret my decision. Still, I would never hold him back. I wanted him to follow his dreams and get to do everything I couldn’t. “Jake,” I said seriously, unable to keep the anguish out of my voice. “I’d never ask you to do that. You deserve more than that. I want to see you accomplish everything you want to. I want everything for you. For all of you.”

Tears filled Jake’s eyes that he wiped away angrily. “Well unfortunately, life is a piece of shit and it doesn’t work that way.”

“Jake—” The doorbell rang. Fuck.

“I’ll get it. Get the girls.” Then Jake walked out of the room, leaving me fucking reeling.

I couldn’t sleep that night. So after the girls were all down, I checked on Mom and Jake, who was on his headset playing a video game with his friends, then I snuck out the back door to take a walk. I’d tried to bring up the scouts to Jake again, but he’d kept brushing me off. I had to find a way to talk to him about it without him getting defensive. I wouldn’t run roughshod over his decisions, but I also didn’t want him to regret it or resent us because he felt forced to stay home to help. Maybe I had to stop relying on him so much when I was working. I could talk to Chelsey, the girls’ babysitter. Maybe she’d be willing to work something out with me that wouldn’t cost a fortune. Or I could talk to my boss about letting the girls hang out at the store sometimes. It would suck for all of us, and definitely cut into my time with my little stalker, Mark, but if I took some of the pressure off Jake, maybe he wouldn’t feel obligated to stay here?

With my thoughts racing a million miles an hour, I hadn’t even realized I had walked toward the sink pit.

The thing had been the subject of many stories and dares growing up. And the cause of so many groundings. Not mine. I was always too busy to spend time doing stupid shit like that. But I’d still heard all the tales at school. All the rumors about kids getting stuck in it and never coming out. All the talk of serial killers burying their bodies there.

I shook my head, smiling slightly. The thing had been practically in my backyard my whole life and I had never seen anything shady happen there, and believe me, I’d looked. I’d been a little fascinated with the macabre as a kid, especially after Dad had died and Mom had gotten sick.

I heard a noise coming from the other side of the pit. I froze, listening. At first, there was nothing and I thought I’d imagined it, but then, there it was again. A scraping sound, like something heavy being dragged. The crunch of a boot. More dragging.

I fished out my phone out of my pocket and held it tight. I didn’t turn on the flashlight because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, but I wanted to be ready if I needed to call the sheriff.

I should turn the fuck around. I didn’t have time to deal with whatever creepy ass thing was happening. I did not want to be the stereotypical dumb jock from a horror movie.

But I guessed I was because I kept walking in the direction of noises against my own free will. I swore my legs had a mind of their own and no self-preservation because I knew damn well this was a bad idea. I crept closer, and I could barely make out the shadow of a man. He was hunched over and focused on something.

“Axum and Nash owe me oshenge buns. A whole case of them! And a lifetime supply of the Cheetos. Maybe they can figure out how to make something similar at home.”

I froze. I knew that voice better than my own. It now replaced Channing Tatum’s in my dreams. It made me smile every time I heard it at work. I anxiously waited for when he wasn’t around.

Mark.

He was clearly dragging something heavy through the overgrown brambles and heading right to the sink pit. Not suspicious at all.

I needed to run. But apparently, I had zero survival skills because I kept right on walking toward Mark instead, like he had a fucking magnet attracting me to him. It was beyond my control at this point. My little stalker had had me in a chokehold since day one, and his red flags becoming a whole fucking red beacon complete with flashing lights and sirens apparently wasn’t enough for me to turn away.

The dragging stopped, and I could get my first clear view of the man. He stood up straight and wiped his head before muttering a curse in a language I didn’t understand.

I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hand because there was no fucking way I was seeing what I thought I was. Maybe I should start laying off the soda too. Or maybe I needed something harder than that because clearly the stress was getting to me. I had to be imagining this whole thing.

I opened my eyes, blinking away the colorful spots, and focused on Mark again. Nope, nothing had changed.

Mark was dragging something that I was pretty fucking sure was a body, wrapped in a clear tarp.

Honestly, that wasn’t the shock it should’ve been. Serial killer and/or assassin had been on my list of possible careers for Mark since the beginning. See also: hitman. What was surprising was the body he was dragging. It was huge, like probably seven feet tall, and maybe the light was fucking with me, but I was pretty sure it was green.

What. The. Fuck?

“Tanner?”

I blinked out of my stupor to see Mark standing upright, his body angled in a way that made it look like he was trying to hide the giant, green, tarp-wrapped elephant in the room. Like it was possible for his tiny build to block all . . . that. He was watching me with big, terrified eyes as if he were scared of me, and for some reason, that calmed me down. He was the one dragging some monster I’d only seen in anime or read about in a monster fucking smut book to the sink pit and yet he was scared of me?

“Tanner, I can explain. Please.” He sounded so panicked that I wanted to give him a hug and tell him that everything was okay, and seriously, what the hell, survival instincts?

“Okay,” I said, and like the dumbass I was proving myself to be, I sat down in the wet dirt and waited. “Explain.”