Page 7 of Circle of Days

Joia loved the evening feast. She liked the poets.

They sang about how the world began, when the people first came to the Great Plain, and what the gods did when they interfered in the affairs of humans.

The stories transported Joia from the everyday world to the universe of gods and spirits, where anything could happen.

In the beginning , a poet sang, there was no sun .

Joia had heard this one before, sung by a different poet. The story was always the same, but each poet told it slightly differently. However, they all included certain repeated phrases.

The only light came from the pale moon and the flickering stars. So people slept all the dark day long, and looked for food at night, and worshipped the pale Moon Goddess. Life was hard, because they could not see well to hunt game or gather wild fruits.

Joia lay down on her back and closed her eyes, the better to imagine the world of long, long ago.

One day the pale Moon Goddess spoke to a brave man whose name was Resk.

Everyone knew that meant trouble. The gods could be kind, but they were easily offended—a bit like the woodlanders.

Brave Resk told the pale Moon Goddess how difficult life was, and said the people needed more light. The pale Moon Goddess was offended and angry because the people said she was too weak.

Strange things began to happen in the sky.

The pale moon got smaller every night until it disappeared altogether, and only the flickering stars gave light.

The people moaned and wept. But the pale moon came back as a thin crescent, and got bigger every night until it was round again, and they rejoiced.

However, it waned and waxed like that ever after, as a punishment to the people who had said the light of the pale Moon Goddess was weak.

Brave Resk searched for a solution to the problem. He traveled all over the world.

There followed a long account of Resk’s adventures in three strange countries: a place where it never rained, a place where the rain never stopped, and one where there was always snow.

Then he went to the edge of the world.

The listeners went quiet. The edge of the world was a scary idea.

He knew it was dangerous, but he would not turn back.

Because it was dark, he fell off.

There were lots of gasps, and one person said: “Oh, no!”

But an owl flew beneath him and caught him. And then brave Resk saw a bright light shining underneath the world. At first he did not know what the bright light was.

Several people said: “The kind Sun God!”

Yes, that was where the kind Sun God lived.

The kind Sun God spoke to brave Resk, and asked him why he had come to the edge of the world. Brave Resk explained that the people were blind all the dark day long, and asked the kind Sun God to come above the earth and shine.

The kind Sun God said: “But the pale Moon Goddess is my sister. I don’t want to outshine her.”

“Then just come in the day, and light up our darkness,” said brave Resk. “Then we can hunt and gather fruits while you are with us, and sleep when you disappear.”

The kind Sun God agreed to that.

Brave Resk said: “You will come every day, though, won’t you?”

“I expect so,” said the kind Sun God.

And the people had to be satisfied with that.

Until she heard this story, Joia had wondered why the moon waxed and waned, and why the sun vanished at night and came back in the morning. And she was fascinated by the idea of the edge of the world. The world had to have an edge, she supposed.

Darkness had fallen during the recitation. Now the children went to sleep. So did some of the adults, but not all. It was time for the revel.

Everybody knew that a baby should ideally be raised by the mother and father, and parental couples normally avoided romantic entanglements with others.

But inbreeding was dangerous in humans just as it was in herds.

Even the farmers, who normally made women subservient, understood the benefit of new blood.

So on the night of Midsummer Day many couples would separate, just for a few hours.

It was especially good to make a baby with someone from far away.

When that happened, both local couples and visiting couples would raise the child just the same as their other offspring.

The revel was a major attraction.

It got started quickly. Joia guessed that some people had arranged in advance who they would go with, and now they paired up immediately and eagerly headed out of the village together.

Others strolled around, waiting to catch someone’s eye.

Older people did not look at Joia and her friends: old-young sex was taboo.

Joia was with her cousin Vee and her friend Roni, who were excited. They talked about which boys they liked, and laughed about the unattractive ones. They agreed that they did not want to make babies, and they discussed what caresses they might permit instead.

Joia thought that Roni could probably attract any of the boys.

She was the beautiful one of the three, with smooth brown skin and big eyes.

Vee might be a bit intimidating: there was a defiant look about the way she stood and the way she walked, as if she was always ready for a quarrel. That could put boys off.

Joia herself was not excited. She supposed she would probably kiss some boy, but she could not work up any enthusiasm for the prospect. She was different from other girls in that way.

She was fascinated by the sun, the moon, and the stars, and the different ways they moved in the sky.

She thought a lot about the spirits that lived in the rivers and the rocks and the wild creatures, spirits who could be kindly or mischievous or downright mean.

She liked numbers. She remembered her mother once saying: “Your first word was ‘Mamma,’ but your second was ‘two.’”

At times Joia thought there must be something wrong with her.

The three girls walked around the outskirts of the village in the warm evening air, careful not to tread on people who were already enjoying the freedom of the special night in pairs, threes, and fours, some all-male or all-female, some mixed.

It was too dark to see exactly what people were doing, but they made passionate noises, sighs and groans and sudden exclamations.

Joia looked out for her sister, Neen. She was eager to know whether Neen would be with Enwood, now that Seft had gone. But she did not see either Neen or Enwood.

Vee and Roni were eager and at the same time apprehensive, and Joia noticed that their voices rose in pitch.

Before long they ran into a group of boys including Vee’s brother, Cass, who was sixteen midsummers old.

They talked for a minute, joshing, then the most good-looking of the boys, Cass’s friend Robbo, put his arm around Roni.

Just like that, Joia thought.

Robbo’s move was the cue for Moke, a rather plain boy, to rush to Vee. Joia expected her to reject him. Vee had talked a lot about how she would kiss only really attractive boys. However, she now seemed to forget all that, and she kissed Moke without being asked.

Only Joia was left.

There was a moment of uncertainty, then Cass smiled at her. She liked him. He was friendly and intelligent. Now he said: “I guess you liked the poem about the Moon Goddess and the Sun God.” He knew what interested her.

Despite that, she had no inclination to kiss him. But she thought she ought to do it.

He seemed hesitant too, and she thought: Let’s get this over with. She put her hand on his shoulder, tilted her face up, and kissed him.

She did not know what to do next and, it seemed, nor did he. They stayed like that, mouth on mouth, for several moments. His lips did not excite her. Nothing happened. She neither liked it nor hated it. It seemed pointless, meaningless. She broke away.

He sensed that. “It didn’t make you feel good, did it?” he said. His tone was good-natured: he was not upset.

“No, it didn’t,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“What would make you feel good—do you know?”

“I have no idea.”

“Well… I hope you find out soon.” He kissed her again, briefly, then turned away.

Vee and Roni were still kissing Moke and Robbo.

Joia felt unhappy and somehow lost. She left the group and walked on around the outside of the village.

What was wrong with her? She was surrounded by people up to all kinds of sexual acts that they seemed to be enjoying hugely, and she was indifferent.

She saw Vee’s mother, Kae, coming in the opposite direction, walking arm in arm with Inka, one of the priestesses. Kae was kin: she was the widow of Ani’s late brother. Joia liked Kae, who was warmhearted and generous, with an easygoing smile. On impulse, Joia went up to her and kissed her.

This was different. Kae’s lips were full and warm on Joia’s. Kae put her arm around Joia’s shoulders and hugged her. Her lips moved a little, as if exploring Joia’s, then Joia was startled to feel the tip of Kae’s tongue.

Joia could have stayed like that for a long time, but Kae broke the embrace with a sigh. “You’re lovely, Joia,” she said. “But you should really learn about all this kind of thing with people your own age.”

Joia felt let down, and she must have shown it, for Kae said: “I’m sorry.” She stroked Joia’s curly hair. “But it’s no good with an older one teaching a younger.”

Her companion, Inka, said: “Lovers need to be equal.”

“All right,” said Joia. “I liked the kiss, anyway.”

“Good luck,” said Kae, and she and Inka moved on.

Joia felt overwhelmed. She needed peace and quiet to think about everything. She headed for home.

Ani was there and so was Neen. They were lying down, but still awake and talking. Joia said to Neen: “Didn’t you go to the revel?”

“No.”

“I thought you might be with Enwood.”

Neen sighed. “I can’t make up my mind. I was planning to see Enwood tonight. Then Seft appeared and I kept thinking about him. But now Seft has gone.”

“Seft thinks you’re a goddess.”

“Whereas Enwood is twenty midsummers old, and too grown-up to worship a mere human.”

“You must like one more than the other,” Joia said argumentatively.

“Seft is nicer, but Enwood is here.”

Ani changed the subject. “You look troubled, Joia. Obviously you didn’t enjoy the revel. What happened?”

Joia lay down beside the other two. “Well,” she said, “first of all Roni got Robbo.”

“The two best-looking,” Neen said.

Ani said: “It’s often the way.”

“And Vee got Moke. She seemed very keen.”

“Good for her. But what about you?”

“I kissed Vee’s brother, Cass.”

“And…?”

“Nothing.” Joia shrugged. “I didn’t feel anything. Just some boy’s mouth.”

“Was he annoyed?”

“No, he was nice about it. But it was a waste of time.”

“And then you came home?”

“No.” Joia hesitated, then decided to tell the truth. “Then I kissed Vee’s mother.”

Neen said: “A woman! That’s a surprise. What was it like?”

“Really nice. But then she said I should kiss someone my own age.”

Ani said firmly: “Quite right.”

“But now I don’t know what I want—if anything.”

Ani said: “Well, you’ve learned that you’re attracted to women, not men.”

“I don’t know. I can’t imagine kissing Vee or Roni or any of the girls.”

“Don’t worry. If you’re not driven to have sex, just accept that. It’s not compulsory. And you may change.”

“Really?”

“Some people do. When I was your age, I knew a boy who always went with boys, never looked twice at a pretty girl. Then, when he was older, he fell in love with a woman. They’re still together and they have children. Though I think he still goes with men at the revel.”

“I don’t like being different from everyone else,” Joia said unhappily. “I felt a failure tonight.”

“You are different. I’ve always known it. But you’re not a failure—just the opposite. You’re special. Believe me, you will live an interesting life.”

“Will I?”

“Oh, yes,” Ani said confidently. “You’ll see.”