Page 36 of Circle of Days

He shrugged. “No limit.”

She was thrilled. “We could meet every day!”

“Or every night.”

She considered. Could she manage that secretly?

He noticed her hesitation. “Can you get away at night?”

“My mother won’t mind. But she’s been forced to partner with Stam, the son of Troon.”

“That thug! Is he a light sleeper?”

“The opposite.” She recalled stealing the boat. She had been out all night without Stam noticing. He never woke before dawn. “But if one night he should wake and notice my absence, what would I say?”

“Say you have a lover.”

Actually, that was a good idea. There was generally a certain amount of romantic movement at night in Farmplace. It would not occur to the unimaginative Stam that her lover might be a herder.

Which raised a question. “Where will we meet?”

“In the wood,” said Han. “The weather is warm enough. When autumn comes we may have to think again.”

Autumn! she thought. That gives us a quarter of a year of seeing one another every night. Bliss! “We need to choose a place.”

“I can’t leave the herd. In fact, look at that stupid heifer wandering into the wood. She’ll get her leg caught in a tree root and die there if I don’t rescue her.”

“I’ll look for somewhere.”

“And how will I find you?”

“I’ll meet you here and take you there.”

“When?”

“I’ll come as soon as Stam is asleep.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Now go and catch that wandering heifer.”

They kissed again, and parted.

In the middle of a thicket was a space big enough for two to lie down.

She saw the white flowers of yarrow among the bushes, and smelled its characteristic scent of fresh-cut herbs.

The ground there was covered with soft dry leaves.

A passer-by would not see them—not that there was likely to be a passer-by in daytime or night.

The blue sky was visible above.

She hoped Han would like it.

Of course he would like it. What was she worrying about? It was a nice place to lie down with someone you loved, and that was all that mattered.

She got home with a few berries and Stam ate them all.

She carried water and pulled weeds all day. At suppertime she was too tense to eat, despite being hungry. Her mother noticed and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

After supper Stam went to see his mother. Pia suspected she gave him a second supper. He came home at nightfall, had sex with Yana, and went to sleep.

Pia waited a little longer, to make sure he was fast asleep, then she got up. Her mother watched silently. Pia lifted the wickerwork gate that stood in the doorway, stepped outside, and replaced it carefully, making almost no noise.

Stam did not stir.

She looked around the fields in the starlight and saw no one. She headed up the slope to the wood.

Han was where he had said he would be, on the far side of the wood, sitting on the ground. He leaped up and kissed her.

They held hands as they walked through the trees to the thicket she had chosen. She showed him the space in the middle.

He smiled. “This is perfect,” he said. “The aroma of crushed grass.”

They pushed through the shrubbery and sat down in the middle. They could see each other by starlight. Pia felt that to the rest of the world they were invisible.

She said: “How did you do it? How is it that you’re here? Tell me everything.”

“Well, Zad thrilled me with your message, then brought me down to earth by telling me that the farmer women have been banned from the Rites. I didn’t know what to do but I had to talk to you. So I asked to be assigned to Zad’s team of herders.”

“How clever of you!”

“To tell the truth, it was my mother’s idea.”

“She’s so wise.”

“Anyway, I spoke to Keff and asked him if I could move here, and he said yes. In fact he was glad, because Zad needed another hand. He has to keep driving the herd to the river for water, and it’s a long journey since Troon plowed up the Break.”

“How did it happen so quickly?”

“Zad gave me the message after the Midsummer Rite. He and I walked here the next day. I started work with the herd today, and you appeared this morning.”

“And you can stay here indefinitely?”

“As long as you want me.”

She smiled. She wanted him forever. But she did not say so.

They had known one another since childhood, and their romance had been going on since the Midwinter Rite, but in that half year they had actually spent little time together.

She felt that she knew him intimately, but did she really?

She wanted to talk about how she would escape, and where they would live, and the children they would have, but it seemed too soon to assume they would be together forever.

Now she felt awkward, as if she had brought a stranger to this lovers’ nest. What should she do now? Should she just kiss him? She wanted to, but hesitated.

He saw her discomfort, and said: “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know. I’m nervous. Are you?”

“A bit.”

“I’ve done things with boys, always at the revel, and I was never nervous, but I am now.”

“I’m glad,” he said.

She was surprised. “Why?”

“Because it means that to you I’m special.”

She nodded. “You’re right. I didn’t care what the others thought.”

“But you care what I think.”

“Yes. I’m worried that you’ll be disappointed.” She had not thought about that: it just came out.

He smiled. “I don’t think that will happen.”

“And you? What are you nervous about?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Embarrassment.”

She was intrigued. “Why? What have you got to be embarrassed about?”

“Could I tell you later? I can’t wait to kiss you.”

She agreed eagerly. They kissed for a while, then lay down side by side and kissed some more. The tip of his tongue touched her lips, and she opened her mouth a little. She had learned about this kind of kissing at the revel, and she liked it.

He touched her breasts, but she knew he could not feel much through her leather tunic, and she really wanted his hands on her skin, so she sat upright and pulled the garment off over her head. When Han saw her naked body, he gave a little gasp. She was pleased. Evidently he was not disappointed.

However, he did not reciprocate by taking off his own tunic, which surprised her. She guessed that it hid whatever he was embarrassed about. Some people had markings on their skin that were harmless but unsightly. Some men had extra nipples, she had heard.

They kissed some more and he touched her all over, with light fingers that seemed to relish everything they found.

She wanted to explore his body, too, and she slid her hand up his thigh under the tunic.

She touched his balls, which were covered in hair.

She knew not to squeeze them: she had made that mistake once before.

She found his penis and was startled. “Han!” she said. “It’s so big.”

“I know,” he said. “That’s what I’m embarrassed about.”

So that was it. “Don’t be embarrassed,” she said. “You’ve got big hands and feet, it’s natural you should have a big prick. Anyway, it feels lovely, soft skin and hard inside. And it’s warm.”

He touched her vagina. “I don’t know if it will go in.”

Pia remembered a boy who had put in one finger, then two, then three, then four. He had wanted to put his hand in but she had stopped him.

She said to Han: “Let’s try.”

“All right.”

“Lie on your back.”

He did so. His pubic hair was fair, she saw.

She stroked his penis and kissed it, and she could have carried on doing that much longer, but he said: “If you don’t put it in now, it will soon be too late.”

She straddled him. “Lie still,” she said. “Leave this to me.” She put the end in place, then paused. It did seem too big. Rocking a little, she sank down on it. “It feels nice,” she said, to reassure him. The end slipped inside.

Han cried out, and she felt him spurting inside her.

“I couldn’t wait any longer,” he said. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she said. She lay on his chest with his penis still inside her. “It was exciting.”

They were quiet for a few moments.

“Aren’t you troubled?” Han said. “That it didn’t even go all the way in?”

“It will next time,” she said. “Don’t worry.” Her vagina would stretch: it had to, because one day a baby’s head might have to pass through it. Her main worry was his reaction. He might become discouraged and lose desire. She would have to make sure that did not happen.

He put his arms around her and held her close. His body was warm.

She said: “Remember when I asked if I could be your girlfriend?”

“You never did.”

She laughed. “You’ve forgotten.”

“When was it?”

“We were seven midsummers old. Nearly eight.”

“Of course I don’t remember. What did I say?”

“You said no. I was distraught.”

He laughed. “Well, you can be my girlfriend now, if you like.”

“Yes, please.”

She closed her eyes.

After a while he said musingly: “You’re so confident.”

“Mm.”

A few moments later she fell asleep.