Page 60 of Cilka's Journey

Tatiana and Svetlana set about warming up the bottles, holding them in a basin of boiling water. Yelena warns them not to let the babies drink too much; they must be given small amounts and often if they are to recover. The new mother whose baby is sleepingsoundly offers to help with feeding and finds herself with a strange baby in her arms.

As the day ends, seven worried mothers appear on the ward, looking for their infants. Petre and Yelena talk to them, assuring them they do not blame them for the condition their infants are in. They are told to stay the night on the ward, food will be brought to them, and they will be shown how to feed their babies every hour—small quantities.

The nurses for the changeover shift appear. Tatiana sends them away saying she will stay the night. Cilka asks if she too can stay.

Over the next several weeks, the management of the nursery changes. The original staff disappear, replaced by carers approved by Petre and Tatiana. A recording system relating to each baby is put in place. Petre gives Cilka the responsibility of visiting the nursery once a week to identify any baby or infant she determines is in need of medical attention. Despite Petre’s belief that these children are important to the system as future workers, Cilka thinks the system might also see them, for now, as a drain on resources. She wonders whether they are all at risk of punishment because of it, but she knows she will fight to keep these infants alive.

Lying on their beds one night, with the sun still high in the sky, Cilka says to Josie, “Do you think this is to be my calling?”

“What do you mean?” Josie asks.

It is hard for Cilka to reveal her inner thoughts. She worries about what else might be opened up, might spill out of her. Josie looks at her expectantly. “Am I not to be a mother myself, but someone who helps others who can be?”

Josie bursts into tears.

“Oh, Cilka, I think I’m pregnant.”

CHAPTER 14

To the sounds of snoring, Cilka rolls out of her bed. She pulls the blanket off Josie and runs her hands gently over the swollen body hidden by layers of clothes. She pulls the blanket back under her friend’s chin.

“When did you suspect?” Cilka asks.

“I don’t know, a month ago? Who can keep track of time in this forgotten place?”

“Josie, I felt the baby kick. You are well along. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Josie’s body shudders as she sobs, biting down on the blanket.

“I’m afraid, Cilka, I’m afraid. Don’t yell at me.”

“Shhh, keep your voice down. I’m not the one yelling.”

“What am I going to do?” Cilka sees Josie glance at the bed that used to be Natalya’s. “You have to help me, Cilka.”

“You are going to have a baby and I will be there with you. We need to tell Antonina tomorrow. Surely it’s a risk for you to be working around sick people.”

“And the others?”

“They’ll work it out. Don’t worry, we will all help you.” Cilka tries to give Josie a look filled with warmth and hope. “You’re going to be a mumma!”

“What about Vadim? Do I tell him? What do you think he will say?”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t worked it out,” Cilka says. “Surely he felt you were getting bigger around your stomach.”

“He just told me I was getting fat. He’s such a stupid boy—it wouldn’t occur to him.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but you need to tell him. Next time he comes.”

“What if he—”

“Just tell him. We will worry about his reaction when we get it. You do know they are not going to let the two of you go off and live a happy family life somewhere, don’t you?”

“They might.”

“They won’t.”

The next morning after roll call Cilka approaches Antonina with Josie.