Page 116 of Cilka's Journey

The next morning Cilka asks Yelena if she can have a private word.

“Come into the dispensary,” Yelena says.

Yelena shuts the door behind them, leans against it.

“It’s about going out on the ambulance…” Cilka says shyly.

“What about it?”

“It’s, just, well, I was wondering if I could take a break from it and work in the ward for a while.”

“He has to leave here sooner or later, Cilka.”

“Of course he does. He’s getting better every day, I know that.”

“Do you want to stop the ambulance run until he is discharged?”

“It’s not about Alexandr being on the ward.”

“I see. It’s about you no longer wanting to risk your life. I think I understand.”

“I wonder if I’ve done it for long enough.”

“You’ve taken more risks, not all of them calculated, I fear, than anyone else I know. Consider yourself no longer on the ambulance run.”

“Perhaps just one more so I can say goodbye to Fyodor and Kirill. I’ve become quite fond of them.”

“In a brotherly way.”

“Of course.”

“And Alexandr? You care for him, don’t you?”

Cilka doesn’t answer.

“It’s all right, you’re allowed to feel something for a man. It makes me happy to see you thinking about a future.”

“How can I think about a future while I’m here, really?”

“You can, and I think you do. Get back to work. Once more out on the ambulance.”

As Cilka starts to leave the room, Yelena embraces her. “I’m happy for you,” she whispers in her ear.

Cilka doesn’t have to wait long for her final ambulance run. That afternoon she travels with Fyodor and Kirill to yet another mine collapse. This time she is cautious and asks the supervisor to declare the tunnel safe before she ventures in. The two men caught in the collapse cannot be resuscitated and are left for the truck to take their bodies to the mortuary.

On the drive back to the hospital Cilka tells Fyodor and Kirillshe won’t be accompanying them anymore. The other nurses will be rotating that role.

Kirill goes silent. Fyodor is gracious and tells Cilka how he has enjoyed being in her company and watching her work.

As they arrive back at the hospital, Fyodor gives her a warm brotherly hug and a kiss on the cheek. Cilka turns to Kirill, expecting the same. He stands away from her, looking at the ground.

“Kirill, I’m sorry if you don’t like my decision to stop the ambulance run. Will you say something?”

“Is there anything I can say to make you change your mind?”

“No. No, nothing. This is what I want, for me.”

“And what about me? Have you considered what I might want?”