Page 44

Alexa Play: She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert

I watched from the shadows as Jet walked away, leaving Finn standing alone at my grave.

If I wasn’t already dead, I would be concerned I might die from the intense, conflicting emotions currently raging in my chest.

Watching Jet touch Finn hurt more than drowning had.

I would take a lungful of saltwater over watching someone else touch Finn’s face the way Jet just did.

But… what I was feeling was wrong. It wasn’t fair to Finn.

Jet would be perfect for him.

He was kind, loyal, funny, and, most importantly, alive.

I knew I could trust Jet to take care of Finn’s heart.

When Jet and I had been hooking up, the only reason things hadn’t gotten more serious than they had was because of me .

Jet would have given me anything I asked for.

He did give me everything I asked for, including time and space, when I told him I wasn’t ready to fully commit to what we had.

He would take care of Finn.

He would never abandon him or make him feel alone in the world…

He was so much better for Finn than I was.

What was that saying?

If you really love someone, let them go?

The thought of letting Finn go made me feel like I was going to die all over again.

He was…

He was like nothing I ever thought I would have in my life, let alone death.

Finn didn’t just light up a room… he was light itself.

His smiles were pure warmth, and his playful nature made me want to curl myself around him and protect him from anything that might turn his smiles into frowns.

Watching him stand there, staring at my grave with tears in his beautiful eyes, made my chest so tight with emotion that I felt like I might be sick.

His mop of hair was damp and dark from the ocean, and his wetsuit molded to his perfectly sculpted body like a second skin.

Every inch of him was beautiful to me. Every word he’d ever spoken to me was precious. I was so irrevocably in love with him that I didn’t even know how to properly manage the emotions that welled when I looked at him.

It wasn’t a conscious thought, but suddenly, my body was moving. I was drawn to him, like Icarus to the damn sun… because that’s what Finn was to me.

Warmth, light, and life .

He was the fire that kept the shadows away .

I’d been existing in darkness until he laid those big, hazel eyes on me, and now I didn’t know how to return to my cold and lonely exile without him.

“How long have you been watching?” he asked as I came to stand next to him.

“Since the day we met,” I murmured. And it was the truth. The depth of my feelings for Finn held the weight of a planet, and I was an isolated, drifting satellite doomed to orbit him for eternity.

Today was no exception.

I’d seen him catch every wave.

Celebrated every success and stressed over every mistake.

I’d been there, and I always would be, because I didn’t know how not to be anymore.

Finn scowled at me, then turned away.

“I turned him down,” he said, his voice tight.

We weren’t looking at each other. We were both staring at my tombstone.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.” My voice came out much lower and quieter than I’d intended.

His head snapped to face me. He dropped his bright pink shortboard, fully turning his entire body toward me, and I flinched away from him.

“ What?” he hissed.

I couldn’t look at him. I could barely respond. There was a lump so thick in my throat that it hurt to speak.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have turned him down. Makoa is a good man. He would take good care of you.”

“You can’t be fucking serious.” Finn snarled, and I closed my eyes, trying so hard to stay strong and do the right thing.

“Riddick. Look at me.”

I couldn’t.

He let out a cold, dark laugh. It sounded so foreign on his lips that a chill rolled through me.

“If you’re going to fuck me, then throw me away like I’m a piece of garbage, then the least you can do is be a man about it. Look at me and tell me you don’t want me, Riddick.”

The dam broke.

The lump in my throat cracked, and suddenly, tears flowed down my face. I was angry, heartbroken, and devastated all at once.

I rounded on him with a roar, and I had my hand wrapped around his throat before I could process what I was doing.

Finn didn’t flinch. He just met my gaze head-on as I cuffed him the same way I had on that first day, and his eyes filled with a cold fire I had never seen before.

Suddenly, he wasn’t sunlight. He was as icy as the waves that had taken my life.

“Say it to my face. Go on,” he growled as my fingers tightened around his neck. “Tell me you don’t want me.”

I knew what those words meant to him.

I knew his father had left him and his mom.

He’d told me that his mom used to always say when he asked her why his father left them alone… Why he didn’t want them.

‘ You’re not alone, sweet boy, I’m right here!’

She obviously hadn’t known she was going to pass away when she told him that. But still, the damage was done. My baby had been floating through life, feeling completely lost and abandoned by the people who were supposed to support and protect him.

The thought of him believing I would voluntarily toss him away like that broke something in me.

Suddenly, I was screaming.

“OF COURSE I WANT YOU!” I roared, and his eyes widened in surprise.

“How could you think I don’t want you? I fucking love you, Finn!

I’m so fucking in love with you I can’t seem to tell the goddamned difference between right and wrong anymore!

” I snarled, backing him up until he was pressed against my tombstone .

“Then why the fuck would you tell me to sleep with Jet?” he growled, pressing his throat against my hand hard enough that his beautiful face turned red.

“Because I’m fucking dead, Finn!” I yelled. I was inches from his face, and I knew my own face was likely as red as his.

My whole body was so tense I felt like I might shatter into a million pieces. I was so distraught that it was taking everything in me not to squeeze his neck until it snapped.

I wanted to steal his breath away and keep him here with me forever.

The second that thought crossed my mind, my fingers spasmed with horror.

I didn’t want that.

I didn’t want Finn dead.

I would never want that for him.

Immediately, the tension melted out of my body. Without taking my hand away from his throat, I pressed closer to him.

I brushed my thumb over his pulse, reveling at the feeling of his steady heartbeat. Savoring the warm feeling of hot blood pumping beneath the surface of his skin.

I watched his shoulders rise and fall with each breath he took.

Being alive had never looked so fucking good as it did on my sweet, perfect baby boy.

I rested my forehead against his, and a sob rolled through me.

“He’s alive, and I’m fucking dead,” I repeated, softer this time, my voice cracking as I fought off another sob.

Fucking Christ… I couldn’t keep the tears down.

Suddenly, Finn’s strong arms wrapped around my waist, and he tugged me into him, pressing our bodies flush against each other.

His wetsuit dampened my T-shirt, and I curled into his warm body.

He sat back on my tombstone as I buried my face in the crook of his neck, and I shuddered as I fought off another bone-deep sob that threatened to rip through my chest .

Finn’s hand slid up my back, and he curled his fingers into my hair, pressing firm kisses into the side of my head as I shook violently against him.

“Shh… It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you…” he murmured in between kisses, his hot breath caressing my ear.

“ Baby… I’m so sorry…” I sobbed, and he squeezed me harder. He sniffed softly, and I realized that he was crying now, too.

“I know…” He hummed, stroking my hair gently as he held me. “I know you are.”

“I just want what’s best for you. You can’t be with a ghost, Finn,” I whispered, and he squeezed me tighter against him.

“Why not?”

His voice was small, and I shut my eyes and gently kissed the side of his neck.

“Because baby. You’re alive, and you deserve to have a long, full life with someone who’d be able to take you on all the adventures you could possibly dream up.” I kissed him again, this time on his jaw, shuddering at the rough feel of his stubble brushing against my lips.

“What if all the adventure I need is right here?” he whispered, his voice still that small, fragile version of him. As if one wrong word from me and he could break.

“I can’t ask you to stay here with a dead man, Finn. That’s… That would make me a fucking monster.”

He was kissing down the side of my face now, still stroking his fingers through my hair.

His lips traced down my cheek, his tongue darting out to taste the salt of my tears.

“You’re not asking…” he breathed as his hot mouth continued its tender path toward my lips. “I’m offering.”

“Finn…” I was shaking my head, but he gripped my jaw and held me steady as he finally slid his puffy lips down the slope of my jaw to catch mine .

I groaned and melted into him; the fireworks that always ripped through my gut at the taste of him immediately sparked to life.

“It’s my decision, baby…” He breathed against me before nipping and sucking my bottom lip into his mouth, pulling another moan deep from my chest.

Baby… That was the first time he’d ever called me baby.

“I’m old enough to choose what I want for myself, Riddick,” he whispered before plunging his tongue into my mouth and stroking me with a confidence he never had before.

His fingers traced down my back, and he found the hem of my T-shirt.

He shoved his hands beneath the now damp, cold cotton and slid my shirt up my ribs.

His gentleness turned my skin to gooseflesh, and my nipples hardened so quickly it forced a hiss through my teeth.

“And what I want, Riddick… is you.”