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I was torn. Half of me wanted to just wrap myself up in Finn and savor every fucking second with him, while the other half felt like it might be better to just end things now.

He peppered me with questions all night as I made him dinner. When it came time to go to bed, he tried to initiate sex, but I just couldn’t fucking do it.

It felt wrong.

It felt like I was lying to him.

And I was… lying to him.

I had been this whole time.

I thought I would have had more time to finish training him and then tell him on my own. On my terms. But now that Kai and Jet were here, I knew the truth would come out one way or another. I was honestly really lucky it hadn’t already .

Almost every time he came back from a shift at Sharkies, I waited on pins and needles to see if someone had mentioned my name in relation to Jake’s.

Every time Finn walked in and smiled at me – popping those dimples the same way he always did – I knew I’d been gifted another day in the warmth of his love. It always felt like a weight was being lifted off my chest.

The relief was short-lived, however, as I knew it was only a matter of time.

I knew it would be better coming from me… but…

Whenever I tried to work up the courage to tell him, the words died on my tongue.

Once I told him, it would be over.

And despite knowing it made me a weak, pathetic piece of shit… I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

So, instead of telling him, I held him and stroked his hair until he fell asleep, basking in the warmth of his soft skin and his thick, silky hair.

“I love you. I love you, baby, and I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered into his sleeping ears, hoping he would carry those words with him long after he’d left me.