Page 34 of Chasing After You

His head snapped up. He blurted out, “I was supposed to be protectingyou.”

“Josh,” I lamented. “You did. You saved me.”

He shook his head furiously, tears leaking down his stricken face. “I was a bad big brother.”

“No. You were the best thing to ever happen to me.”

A long pause passed between us. Josh shifted in his chair. I so desperately wanted to take away his pain, but I couldn’t, and I hated it.

“Give me your hands,” I instructed.

“What? W-why?”

Sternly, I repeated the command. “Give me your hands, Josh.”

His hands fluttered back to the center of the table. I inwardly groaned at how easily he’d complied. He had always been so eager to please. I took his hands in mine, rubbing my thumbs over the backs of his hands.

He flinched slightly, but didn’t draw away.

“Good. Thank you.” He blushed lightly. “I need you to understand that I don’t hate you, blame you, or anything else you’ve been telling yourself. I came here to bring you home. I want to be a family again.”

“B-bring me home?” he cried, his head recoiling. He didn’t like the idea. Fuck.

I calmed myself the best I could, hoping he hadn’t noticed my slight moment of insecurity. I squeezed his hands. “We don’t have to go back. We can go somewhere new. I don’t even care where, I just want us to be together again.”

“But I… I have a lifehere,Dorian. I don’t want to leave.”

“Okay. That’s okay,” I reasoned. “We can stay here. I can check on available properties and call—”

Josh cut me off. “Properties? You’d move here?”

“Of course. I’ll find something nice for us—”

And again. “For us?”

“Yes,” I stated, raising an eyebrow at the incredulous look on his face. “Don’t worry about the cost, you won’t be expected to contribute anything. I have more than enough money to take care of you.” I straightened a bit, proud of the fact that I could finally be the one taking care of him.

His hands drew back. “Wait a second, please.” He took a deep breath in and out. “I can’t live with you. I would love to rebuild our relationship, really, but Dorian… I can’t live with you.”

I felt my eye twitch. “Why can’t we live together?”

Josh sent me a concerned look, hesitating for a breath before speaking. “I mean… It’s been eight years, Dori. That’s a lot. And,” he lowered his voice, “you… you kind of stalked me. It’s going to take some time for me to trust you.”

“But don’t you want to be a family again?” My chest felt tight, like my rib cage was going to burst through my skin.

Josh smiled sadly as he quietly murmured, “I do. I do want that, Dori. So, so much. But we don’t have to live together to be family, right?”

“Are you hiding something from me? Do you have a partner? Why can’t w—”

“No,” he said. “There’s nothing I’d need to hide from you. I just can’t live with you, okay?”

I forced myself to stay silent.Compromise, I thought.

I nodded, sighing, “Okay.”

I’d need to find a way to convince him, but not now. It was clear when he relaxed in his chair that the idea made him nervous for some reason. I needed to drop the subject for now. Revisit it later.

He was quiet for a beat, then pulled his cellphone out from his jeans’ pocket. He awkwardly chuckled, placing it on the table between us.