Page 31 of Chasing After You

Older, obviously. More worn in some places. Taller and stronger. A layer of light stubble framed his jaw. Maybe even a little tanner. But he still had those inquisitive and emotive greeneyes; he still had the same dirty blonde hair. Still…mine, in that strange, twisted way that had never gone away.

When he turned and saw me, looked me in the eyes for the first time since he’d left, my heart stuttered in my chest. His mouth parted like he wanted to say something, and I leaned in slightly, hungry—starved—for the sound of his voice.

Instead, a small, choked noise came out.

It hit me in the stomach harder than any punch ever could, knocking the air out of me.

I didn’t move. Not forward, not back. I simply watched him.

And he watched me, like I was a ghost returned from the grave.

God, I wanted to say something poetic.

But I couldn’t think of a single word.

Because his eyes were just as beautiful as I remembered, and I wanted those eyes on me—only me—for the rest of his life.

I wantedhimthe way an addict wants a high. The way a starving animal wants the hand that feeds it.

I wanted to kneel at his feet and worship him. I wanted to bite him until he bled, and sob into his shirt, and make him promise not to leave again. I wanted to break every clock in the world and live in a day where we never grew apart. I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and choke him for making me live without him. I wanted to thank him for letting me find him again. I wanted to know every damn thought he’d had in the past eight years. I wanted to stop his heart only to reach into his chest and pump it myself.

I wantedeverything, and I wanted itnow.

I opened my mouth, lips parting for that first impossible word—and then I heard a voice behind him.

“Fuck.”

My eyes flicked past Josh, narrowing slightly as I took in the small figure emerging from the hallway. I knew Oliver would behere when I decided to come. Still, it grated my already buzzing nerves to have him interrupt our reunion.

My gaze drifted back to Josh, studying his aching expression.

He hadn’t moved a single step toward me.

Oliver’s voice had startled him, had brought his fear to the surface as he was reminded of the threat I posed.

I could work with that.

Fear was honest.

“Hi,” I said finally, my voice low and steady, even though my heart felt like it was slamming against my ribs in an attempt to get closer to Josh. “You look… older.”

I watched as his eyes portrayed the emotions washing over him. There was fear, of course, but also a little excitement, a lot of guilt and deep, heavy sadness, and love. Love for me.

He didn’t say anything. Just blinked, like I was a mirage that might vanish if he made a sound.

“I didn’t come to cause a scene,” I added, tone calm and measured so as not to spook him. “I just wanted to see you again. To see if you’d let me talk to you. Privately.” I shot a pointed look towards his friend.

Oliver shivered, but still stepped closer to Josh, like he could protect him from me.

I tilted my head slightly.

“I’ll leave if you want me to,” I lied.

But we all knew I wouldn’t.

Not now. Not ever.

Not unless Josh was coming with me.