Page 19 of Changeling (The Incubus Saga #2)

As Nathan made his way down the hallway to Sasha’s room, he decided he was not going to bother knocking when he got there.

He would just go in and stay there until they talked it all out.

The problem was, when it came right down to it, Nathan didn’t really know Sasha all that well. And he kind of hated that.

Bolstered as much as he was going to get, he took a deep breath and tried to be quiet with the plastic cardkey, before slowly opening the door. Maybe if Sasha was in the bathroom or something, Nathan could get himself settled and think over what he was going to say.

But Sasha wasn’t in the bathroom. Nathan could hear the faint strums of his dad’s guitar, a little shakier than usual, but definitely by leave of Sasha’s long fingers. They’d given Sasha the guitar for his birthday—right before the incubus nearly died.

Then came Sasha’s voice, also shaky, uneven and broken up, filling Nathan’s ears as he slipped inside the room. Sasha was turned away, facing the wall. He didn’t see Nathan enter.

Nathan didn’t know the song Sasha was playing, but it wasn't a happy one. He managed to close the door behind him without alerting Sasha to his presence and, for a while, he just stood there, listening to the somber tones of Sasha’s voice.

Sasha choked on a round of the chorus and his fingers faltered on the strings. Nathan froze, afraid to breathe and draw Sasha’s attention. But Sasha was up in his own head. He wouldn’t have known Nathan was there even if he had been looking right at him.

“What am I doing…?” Sasha said to himself, a hand coming up to wipe at his eyes that Nathan knew had to be leaking tears.

Silence raged then, filling the room with a choked quiet. Sasha just sat there staring forward, the guitar resting on the floor while its neck was still gripped tight in Sasha’s left hand. Nathan could see how Sasha was shaking.

The tension started to build like an electric current, static and pulsing throughout the room.

Nathan moved forward before he had the chance to second guess himself.

Just as he reached the bed, Sasha rose to his feet, his left hand lifting the guitar so that his right could grab further down the neck, raise the whole thing high above his head, and swing.

Sasha would have smashed the guitar into splinters on the floor if Nathan hadn’t stepped in and grabbed the redhead’s hands along the neck. The guitar came to a sharp stop mid-swing between them.

“Nathan…” Sasha said in an almost frightened whisper.

“The guitar you had before this one didn’t get smashed on a hunt ,” Nathan said, realizing the truth even as he spoke, “did it?”

The tears in Sasha’s eyes streamed down his already wet cheeks.

He shook his head. He was shaking so hard now that he couldn’t keep the guitar up anymore.

Neither could Nathan with his shoulder still sore.

It fell limp to the side right out of their hands.

Nathan tried to guide it as best as he could, and at least managed to save it from falling too hard, though it still thumped onto the carpet.

He wasn’t prepared for how Sasha fell limp right along with it, pitching forward into him so that the weight of the incubus brought Nathan down too, causing them both to sink and land hard on their knees.

Sasha was sobbing, pawing and clutching at Nathan’s T-shirt as he buried his face in Nathan’s neck.

All Nathan could do was hold him, arms wrapped tight around Sasha’s larger body to keep them both steady.

“I can’t…” Sasha wept, gripping Nathan’s T-shirt so tight in his fingers that it almost tore. “I can’t do this again. I can’t.”

“Hey, slow down,” Nathan said, sliding one of his hands up into those soft red locks to hold Sasha against him. “What are you talking about? Can’t do what again?”

A few more sobs broke free before Sasha replied.

“ This . Lose everything. Mom and Dad…I didn’t even know them.

But it still hurt. Every day. And it was so much worse later…

when it was friends leaving out of choice.

They were my whole life. I…I didn’t w-want…

anyone else to be that, but I did want it, too, because I missed it so much.

And then…then there was you and Jim, and I…

I just wanted it to be real. I wanted this to be real. ”

“This is real. I’m real. You feel that?” Nathan said, pulling Sasha even more firmly into his chest. “That’s real. Do I look intangible? Like a god damn ghost? Do I look like I’m going anywhere?”

Another sob replied.

Damn it. Nathan realized how foolish his last words had been. He was marked, which was the same as a death sentence. He could put all the faith he wanted in Jim and Sasha to save him, but there was no guarantee. The only guarantee Nathan could give was that he would never leave out of choice.

“Okay…not my best argument,” Nathan admitted, squeezing Sasha a little tighter, “but you knew about my mark coming into this mess.

If anyone can save me, it's you, so says the universe, if I'm to believe Wade. She's never been wrong before. But if we’re gonna beat this then we gotta hold it together. I’m sorry you had to deal with that asshole Lindsey, but I don’t think those ex-friends of yours are as out of reach as you think.

You know what Charis said to me before heading off?

She wanted to make sure I was keeping an eye on you. Kissed my cheek, even. She misses you."

Sasha clung to Nathan a moment more before pulling away.

His tears were drying, but he had the strangest glow about him after crying, his eyes sparkling even more unnaturally blue than usual.

"I always thought...they'd forgive me someday, that they'd understand.

But after what happened with Sabine..." He shook his head. "You really think Charis misses me?"

"Not just her. Seemed to me Lindsey was more concerned with us being seals and turning on you someday than actually having any real hatred for you. Might take a bat upside the head, but…I think there might still be some of your friend in there. Doesn’t mean I’m ever gonna like him,” Nathan finished, wrinkling his nose.

“Dude, what is with the white hair? Seriously? That can’t be natural. ”

Quickly drying blue eyes looked at Nathan skeptically. “You’ve met me before, right?”

Nathan flicked his gaze up at the red hair he loved so much.

“Yeah, but…that looks cool.” Hearing yet another laugh, Nathan decided he had officially brought things back to equilibrium— at least for a while.

“So...can we maybe get off the floor now? I think you bruised me with that whole crumbling in my arms thing. And I’ve had enough of being manhandled by an incubus for one night.

” Nathan smirked at Sasha as they helped each other to their feet.

“Nathan…”

“Yeah, I know,” Nathan jumped in, “I’m an idiot. Never should have gone after them alone. It just pissed me off so much to see how that guy treated you. Besides, I think I deserve a little credit for managing not to get killed.”

Sasha rolled his eyes. Then he caught sight of the guitar on the floor and grimaced. "Oh, god...I can't believe I almost smashed that."

"Me either," Nathan agreed. "Guess you'll have to make it up to me somehow."

Leaning up toward Sasha's lips was easy, and as their mouths met, slightly parted for the smoothness of their tongues to collide and tangle, Nathan focused on that wonderful Sasha smell, like leather and vanilla and something indefinable. He felt the last bit of tension from the night’s events slip away, feeling Sasha's hands slide around to his lower back, tickling the skin at the edge of his T-shirt as they embraced.

"Ah!" Nathan called out the moment his and Sasha's chests pressed together. His wounds were nicely cleaned and dressed again, but they hurt like hell.

“Nathan?" Sasha pulled away. "Are you okay? I made them worse tonight, didn't I? I'm so sorry I pushed you.”

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. Lindsey pushed me around first."

Sasha frowned.

"Dude, I'm fine. Really this time." Nathan gripped Sasha's neck to indicate how much he wanted another kiss rather than an argument. He was starting to feel the loss of his addiction for Sasha again and had no problem admitting it.

Sasha licked his lips as his eyes glanced down Nathan's body, making Nathan shiver with anticipation.

Their lips crashed back together, both of them being more conscientious of Nathan's wounds this time and keeping their chests apart.

It was so frustrating for Nathan because he wanted to be embraced—he loved the way Sasha enveloped him—but the feeling of soft lips and a warm mouth had to be enough.

Well, at least as far as an embrace was concerned; there were others ways they could pass the night.

The next morning they packed up the car again to continue their trek to the nearest doorway, and then head on to Maine, where’d they exchange their current vehicle for another—something they were trying to be more careful about even without Gabriel around.

Jim was grabbing the last of their things from the room while Nathan and Sasha organized the trunk.

For some reason, all of their things weren’t fitting like usual, and it would only get worse once Jim added his bag.

“Here, I’ll make things simpler,” Sasha said, grabbing the guitar case. “Been meaning to get some practice in anyway. More so than just…last night. Would you mind, or do you think Jim would mind at all if I plucked away in the backseat for a while?”

“Go nuts, man. I’m sure Jim won’t care.”

They climbed into the car, Nathan up front finally, having demanded that he get to drive again, and Sasha in the back to better fit the guitar.

As they waited for Jim, Nathan soon heard experimental strumming from the backseat.

It was soothing. Nathan definitely wouldn’t mind driving to the sounds of Sasha playing the guitar, especially when he started to recognize the song Sasha was turning acoustic.

It made Nathan grin. Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” was one of his favorite songs.

The whole thing was even better when Sasha started to sing.

Nathan smirked to think how well Sasha fit into his life, how much he enjoyed Sasha’s presence, his conversation, his voice, his affections and caresses. Sasha was part of the family now. Part of Nathan. Part of everything Nathan… loved . And he never wanted to lose that.

As Sasha sang, “All these words I don’t just say,” Nathan thought of how true that line was for him. So, when Sasha sang the next line, Nathan found himself singing along, adding in familiar harmony to complement Sasha’s voice.

The incubus immediately faltered in his strumming and stopped.

Nathan shifted in his seat. “Sorry.”

“You’re a tenor,” Sasha said with some amazement.

Those unexpected words had Nathan squirming again. “I guess. No big deal. Why?”

“You’re really good ,” Sasha amended. “I just figured your singing voice would be lower. Usually when I hear you, you’re screwing around. Here, will you sing that again? I’ll start a few lines before.”

“Uhh…listen, man—”

“Please,” Sasha said, staring at Nathan with those vibrant blue eyes through the rearview mirror. “Don’t over think. Just do the harmony with me. Okay? I know you know it.”

Well, Nathan couldn’t deny that. “Don’t expect anything great,” he said by way of acceptance. Sasha just beamed at him from the backseat and started strumming again, back on the previous phrase of the song.

Once again, when Sasha got to the title line, Nathan joined in, closing his eyes and continuing to supply harmony as Sasha charged on into the next phrase of the song.

Nathan had always thought of the song in relation to his brother, how, regardless of what anyone else might say, or what might happen, he knew the truth of what mattered, who and what he loved in life, and the rest…

well, the song said it best. Now, Nathan started to see Sasha in the song too, all the things that made up Nathan’s life, with both Jim and Sasha beside him.

The guitar faded away as the song ended, and only when it was completely silent did Nathan open his eyes. He didn’t look up, but he could feel Sasha watching him through the rearview mirror.

“Nathan?”

“Yeah?” Nathan prompted, feeling the car jerk as the trunk slammed shut, though he doubted Sasha noticed.

“I think you have a really nice voice.”

Jim was coming around to the passenger side door. Nathan could see him.

“You know what I think?” Nathan said, glancing up into the mirror finally. He waited until Sasha’s eyes were on him, and then he smiled. “I think I love you.”

The expression on Sasha’s face melted to pure shock, and a moment later, Jim opened the door and climbed into the front seat.

“What were you guys listening to?” Jim asked as he situated himself. He glanced back at Sasha. “Were you playing? Serenading us to Maine?”

Nathan kept watching Sasha in the mirror and had to grin at how the incubus was at a complete loss for words. “Sure is,” Nathan supplied, since Sasha couldn’t find his tongue just then. “Any requests, Jim?” He turned the car on and shifted into gear. “It’s gonna be a long ride.”

“Depends,” Jim said, “you gonna veto any suggestions I make?”

“Only if they suck. Hey, Sasha,” Nathan said, glancing up at the rearview mirror one more time to find Sasha absolutely beaming, “surprise us, huh?” And he winked, because really, he had to.

Sasha repositioned the guitar on his lap, smiling widely. “Whatever you want, Nathan.”