Page 82 of Catching Kyle

She takes my phone and scrolls through it, and I wait for her to have the same level of anger that I do.

Except she doesn’t.

She hands back the phone, shaking her head. “There’s nothing of importance here,” she says. “You said he wanted to honor his father. This article explains why.”

“Nothing of importance?” I almost squawk out. “If Kyle trusted me, he would have told me this. I didn’t know any of this.”

“You’ve known him for, what, a little over two months? You’re still going to learn about him. I’m sure he wants to talk to you about this.”

I rub my tightened chest, grimacing at the pain. Her words make sense, but they fall flat.

“I’ve got to go,” she says. “Going out for some drinks with others. You can come if you want before you see Kyle.”

“I should go see Kyle right now,” I insist. We moved our writing group to another day of the week so we all had our Friday nights back.

She pats me on the elbow. “It’s going to be okay,” she says. “I can’t tell why this is bothering you, but you’ll figure it out. Relationships are hard, but you and I know they’re worth it.”

I laugh a little, releasing some tension in my shoulders. “That’s why we write about it.”

“Exactly,” she says. “You’ll be fine. Text if you need anything. I’ll see you later.”

She saunters off with some of her new Omegaverse friends, her rhinestone cowboy hat reflecting the setting sun.

I pull out my phone and send a text to Kyle I’m on the way, and he quickly responds telling me he got us some dinner. Which provides me some solace, though I don’t know why. I want to understand why this whole situation makes me feel crummy, but I’m lost. Then I remember: there’s one person I can talk to that will demystify the whole situation.

I wish Kelley a good night and hurry to my car. Once I’m inside, I immediately dial my sponsor. And when she answers, I set off to Kyle’s, explaining the whole situation along the way.

“You’ve done this before,” she says when I answer.

“Oh?”

“You find someone you like—romantic or not—and things are good for a while. But then you become afraid they’ll abandon you.”

Her words strike like an arrow in my chest. “You’re right,” I say. “But I don’t know why.”

“Well, I think it makes sense,” she says matter-of-factly, but not unkindly. “Your parents were supposed to be there for you. But at most times, they weren’t. So you learned from a young age that the people who were supposed to love you were also the ones who abandon you.”

“But I don’t think Kyle will abandon me,” I say, driving on the highway. At this point, Kyle’s given me permission to talk about him and us to people I trust, like my sponsor. So Susan knows everything now. “He’s having me over tonight.”

“Are you sure about that?” she asks. “Look at your interactions. Is there any evidence that’s leading you to believe he will abandon you?”

Her words make me go over my interactions with Kyle more thoroughly. And I get stuck on the fact that he told this reporter all these details about his life and not me.

“There is one thing,” I say. “The fact that he hasn’t shared with me his upbringing.”

She sighs. “I know how that can feel,” she says. “When our loved-one doesn’t tell us something important to them, it can feel like rejection.”

“And abandonment.”

“Exactly,” she says. “But it doesn’t have to be.”

“How?” I ask. “How do I make this stop hurting? I don’t want to be clingy or obsessive with Kyle like I was with David. I want to make this work.”

“That’s really up to you,” she says.

I resist a scoff. “Thatanswer.”

“Yes, that answer. You said that you wanted to date an emotionally available guy,” she says. “Is Kyle not immediately mentioning this to you a dealbreaker?”