Page 74 of Catching Kyle

I grimace and turn to her. “Jealous? Amani, you’re gay too. Why would I be jealous?”

“Not jealous that I would steal him,” she says. “But jealous he’d have someone else to share this burden with.”

I look away, the backs of my eyes burning.

“When you dated David, I know how much you wanted him to open up to you like he seemed to do with all his friends. To be vulnerable and mature about his feelings. He never did, and that broke your heart.”

A tear falls, but I wipe it away.

“But the truth is, he never really opened up to his friends. Because he couldn’t. And you were the one who chose to leave after that. That was your strength, just like your sponsor told you. He missed out on you and your maturity, not the other way around.”

I wipe my wet eyes, still looking away.

“I haven’t known Kyle for long—well, in-person, for long—but he seems different. He may have just come out, but he seems earnest. Like he wants this to work. I don’t think this will be a repeat of David.”

I wipe the fresh eyes from my tears and finally look at her. “Jeez, Ams. We gotta make you a therapist or something.”

She lets out a laugh. “A lot of this I learned from watching you grow after leaving David, so you’re the one talking. But I think you should give this a try, Michael. I think this could work. And I’m willing to help.”

I let out a deep sigh I was holding in and wrap my arms around Amani. She presses her cheek into my chest, and I rest my chin on her dreads.

“This is why the ‘L’ in ‘LGBT’ comes first,” I say.

She squeezes me and laughs, then pulls away.

“Thank you, Ams,” I say. “You’re right.”

She shrugs and smiles. “I know.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with being off the market in a fake relationship?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I haven’t been lucky finding anyone in the past couple years, so what’s a few more months?”

I hear a light knock, and something catches her eye beyond me, and I turn around.

“Am I interrupting?” Kyle says, his lips pressed shyly together, making his beard a dark forest on his face.

“No,” Amani says, rubbing my arm. “We were just wrapping up.” She looks at me as if asking me if I want him to enter.

I nod.

“You two probably need to talk about this too,” she says, stepping away. “I’ll leave you to it.” And then she leaves me alone with Kyle in his kitchen.

He reaches up and strokes my red cheek. “You’ve been crying.”

“Yeah,” I say, wiping away the last of the tears. “Amani just knows what to say.”

He leans against the fridge. “What’s going on?” he asks, concerned. “How do you feel about all this?”

“I just have baggage from my ex,” I say, shaking my head. “Just worried that we’ll grow apart through this whole process. That you’ll be closer to Amani.”

“Well, she is gay, right?” he asks. “Sorry, I overheard.”

“Yeah.”

He puts his hands on my arms and rubs them slowly. “Then you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m choosing this because I want you along with my career.You.”

He keeps rubbing me, and soon I find my head in his chest buried between his thick pecs. The smell of his lingering sex-sweat intoxicates me. “For someone who came out late in life, you are very affectionate.”