Page 108 of Catching Kyle

He wipes his face and pulls on his beard. “Sheesh, Kyle. You’ve really fucked yourself with this.”

My chest tightens. Hearing him say that reminds me how insane this actually is.

“But it’s working.”

He points to the kitchen. “I can see how much that man loves you,” he says. “It pours out of him. He’s bursting at the seams with it.”

“Yeah,” I say, blushing. “And I love him too.”

“I’m sure you do,” he says. “But what are you going to doif this secret is leaked? If they discover your girlfriend is fake? I don’t think love will be enough in that case.”

The thought makes dread pool in my chest. “I’m not sure.”

He shakes his head. “Joe was the same way with me,” he says. “All talk. He said he loved me, that he would always care for me. But when I was no longer convenient for him—when didn’t want to tell his family about us—he foundsomeone else. He cheated on me, then he dropped me like I was a scorpion in his hands.”

I scoff. “But I wouldn’t do that to Michael.”

“Unfortunately, you don’t know that. Kyle, this world you and I grew up in—the world that teaches that gay men like you and I aren’t worth shit, that we’re morally depraved and will burn in hell. That shit plays with our minds. It distorts our thinking. It makes us do things we would never otherwise consider doing.”

I feel myself getting hot, and the collar of my shirt gets tight.

“So sure, you feel good right now because you’re with people who love you.” He pokes me hard in the chest. “I love you. Your mama loves you. Silas is newer to this, but I’m sure he loves you too. And that Michael—boy, he’s got a bright, loving future. And you’re lucky you have his love. But the second you go back into the world of football, hear all that talk of fucking women and talk of pussies and faggots and so on—you’re gonna feel differently. Think differently. Maybe even do something you wouldn’t do right now. I would know because it happened to me.”

I run my tongue across my teeth, anxiety making my heart race. “So what do I do?”

He sighs and puts his hand on his hip. “I can’t answer that for you,” he says. “I don’t know what coming out could do to you.”

“They’ll probably break my contract. They can.”

“And what’s alternative? Let’s say your little secret girlfriend thing works. What happens then with you and Michael?”

“We’ll become official after,” I say. “Assuming we make it to the Championship Game, that’s only a couple more months.”

He folds his thick arms and shakes his head. “I don’t know, man. Like I said, this homophobic world makes us do crazy shit. What does Michael think of all this? Does he trust you? I don’t know if I would.”

Heat flushes throughout my body, and I can feel my face get red. I didn’t go through all my daddy’s stuff, decide to choose Michael over him, and continually risk my career just to be told I’m not trustworthy.

“You don’t know what I’ve been through,” I say. “You don’t get to judge me.”

“I’m not judging you,” he says. “I’m warning you.”

I scoff. “I don’t need your warning.” I brush past him, then he grabs my arm.

“Look,” he says, sighing. “I’m sorry.”

I soften a bit.

“I’ve just… been through a lot these past months. You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like in your shoes. You might do better than Joe. But just be wary, okay? If not for me, then for Michael. He trusts you. He loves you. Don’t betray him.”

I chew on my lips. Then I open my arms. “Come here.”

I wrap my arms around the big man, and he does the same, patting my back.

“You’re a good man,” I tell him. “I’m sorry for getting defensive.”

“No harm done,” he says. “Let’s get back to dinner.”

When we get back to the kitchen, Silas is on his second slice of pecan pie, and Michael and Ma are still wrapped up in conversation. Ma looks up at us, then glances down at her watch. And then she panics.