Page 41 of Catching Kyle

I scratch the back of my neck, already damp with sweat. “That’s nothing to worry about, Michael. I understand how hard getting feedback can be.”

He sighs, tension melting from his shoulders, and part of me thinks it was me saying his name that got him to relax like that. If I had him in bed, how else would he react to me saying his name?

No, Kyle. Focus.

“It wasn’t just the feedback,” he says. “Lots of other things too. But thanks for understanding. Can I come in?”

“Oh, what am I doing? Of course,” I say, pulling the door open for him. “That bag looks so heavy. Sorry to keep you standing.”

Once we’re inside, I take the bag from him and carry it to the coffee table. I peak inside and see some containers with the Clucker’s logo on them.

“What’d you bring?” He asks.

“Well,” Michael says, drawing out the vowel as he walks into the room. “I brought some food as an apology. I was thinking of flowers instead of food, but then I remember how we usually eat, and I was wondering what use a football player would have for flowers. I figured you eat a lot of protein, so I got us both a lot of chicken tenders.”

The words spill out of like they’re burning his mouth, and I just stare at him with my mouth open, a grin forming on my face.

I want to go over, kiss him on the cheek, and call him babe, just like real couples do, but I can’t. Damnit, I feel just like that baseball player—confused inside, unable to accept what I want. What would Dad do? He would definitely be against doing anything gay. And ma? She would say to be honest. But right now, those are at odds with each other.

“Are you okay?” Michael asks. “You’re staring into space.”

I shake my head and blow air out my mouth. I clap my hands and rub them together. “Just hungry,” I say. “Let’s eat!”

I hand a container to each of us. When I open mine, I’m intoxicated by the scent. It’s filled with chicken tenders and crinkle cut fries.

“I know I’m supposed to be dieting, but damn am I excited for this,” I say.

Michael smiles shyly. “I’m glad.”

We both dig in, and I manage to convince myself that maybe I was acting weird because of the hunger. Because now I feel a lot better. I don’t even remember if I ate after my workout this morning.

“Sorry again. I appreciate you being so understanding about how I acted,” Michael says, finishing off a fry. I peer over at his container, and it looks like he’s hardly made a dent. Me, on the other hand…

I finish off a chicken tender, and I’m sad that there’s only one left.

“I got some extra,” Michael says, pointing to the bag.

I look him dead in the eye. “You are my hero, Michael Cunningham.”

He blushes, and I get chills at the sight. How in the hell am I supposed to have this man over every week and not leak that I’m into him? And on top of this, I still have to find a girlfriend. Luckily, with the book club info that Michael’s been giving me, I’ve been able to keep Timmy at bay. He thinks I’ve been faithfully attending. But what’s going to happen when July 1stcomes? All I have to show is a schoolboy crush on a hot gay pornstar.

“You got nothing to worry about,” I say, referring to his apology. I dip my last chicken tender in their special spicy sauce.

“Thanks,” Michael says. He’s holding himself small again, trying to pull in his large frame, and it looks unnatural. It looks like he’s got something on his mind. Maybe he wants to talk about this.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I say, closing my container and opening up one of the extra ones. Inside, there’s another whole load of chicken and fries, and I offer a silent prayer of gratitude to God.

“Yes?” Michael says. He’s sitting on the edge of his seat, making me think he’ll answer anything I ask him. I wonder if this obedience extends to other areas…

Kyle, stop it. For fuck’s sake.

I clear my throat. “What got you so upset anyways? You said it was more than just the feedback.”

He leans back and rests his elbow on the armrest, propping his head up. He sighs, ready to explain. “Your feedback was deeper than you realize,” Michael says. “A few years back, I started dating my ex, David.”

Just the mention of his ex makes my heart burn. I don’t like the idea of him being intimate with someone else.

“He wasn’t good for me in a lot of ways, and he really wore me down. Our relationship was mostly superficial. And his drinking was crazy, which led me to recovery in Al-Anon. I slowly discovered parts of myself there. One of those big things was that I like to write romance. Because I only came to such a conclusionaway from my ex, I figured that my best writing would be done as a single man, away from the distraction of any unhealthy relationship.”