Page 26 of Cast in Shadow (Drenched in Darkness #1)

26

Hours later, after multiple failed attempts to sleep, I found myself standing in front of Emerson’s cottage in the rain. There was no question of how I got there. I was the one who threw on my favorite pair of jeans and a t-shirt so threadbare it was a miracle it was still in one piece and drove across town in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t my sexiest outfit by any measure. There was a slinky, slate blue dress hanging in my closet that was to-die-for, but I wasn’t going for sexy. Comfort was the name of the game because what I was about to do had me wound so tight that even the rub of the wrong fabric might be enough to turn me around.

I stared at the door as cold rain soaked my hair and clothes. It was new—had to be after my team smashed in the last one—but it blended well enough. The only obvious sign of its recent replacement was the knob. It was too flawless to match the rest of the weathered exterior.

And yeah, I was using those useless details to buy myself time .

This was a stupid idea. I easily could have reached out to Emerson with my mind and asked him to meet me somewhere, or even better, used our connection to ask him what I wanted to know without ever seeing him. But no, for some gods forsaken reason, I’d slipped out of the safety of Lexa to come here.

For what? What did we actually have to say to each other?

I knew what I heard that cursed night all those years ago. I’d replayed it in my mind thousands of times. She’s nothing.

He would never know how deeply those words cut.

He would never know how long it took me to stop believing they were true.

And yet, ever since he’d stepped out of the shadows and back into my life, something inside me had been quietly questioning my understanding of that night… and of him.

Should I have had more faith in him back then? I honestly didn’t know. He hadn’t spared me any of the gruesome details when he’d shared the fates of other witches who had gotten themselves tangled up with the Brethren.

Granted, that was early in our relationship. He might have been trying to scare me off with the information, but I was already hopelessly in love with him at that point, and my reckless heart won out. Until I saw him in action months later and realized how truly dangerous he and his Brethren were.

Even then, though, I’d convinced myself that he would never let anything happen to me because he cared about me. It might not have been love for him, but I was his.

Then he pulled away. He stopped reaching out through that damned one-way connection, and when he did come around, it felt like his mind was somewhere else. So, when he slipped out in the dead of night, I followed.

My fear of him was already there, seated deep within me and simmering just below the surface. I’d pushed it down because I didn’t want to believe he would hurt me. But what I saw and heard was all it took to unravel the fragile web of lies I’d been telling myself about us, and my instincts screamed at me to run.

I’d raced back to my house in a blind panic, with no plan for where I would go or how I would get there. I just knew I needed to disappear.

Torching my life was surprisingly easy back then. All it took was a broken kerosene lamp. The fire took care of the rest. Except for the fear, the unadulterated anger, and the utter heartbreak that consumed me in the months and years that followed.

I’d never met anyone who made me feel as alive as I felt when I was with Emerson. Or who terrified me like he did.

Years passed before I truly understood what that night really did to me. It forced me to finally acknowledge that I would never be more than a blip in his endless life.

How much could I possibly matter to him considering the eons that came before me and the eternity that would stretch out beyond my final breath? Even if he did love me—in whatever way he could—it would be like a human falling in love with a mayfly.

What was one day out of thirty thousand?

What was one tiny human life when you were fated to outlive the entire human race?

I stared at the door and tried for the thousandth time to imagine what it must feel like for him. I had a better idea now, but even my extra years were a drop in the ocean in comparison. He’d spent his entire existence knowing he would lose anyone he got close to, save for the other primordial demons that made up the Brethren.

Making friends would always mean losing them.

Falling in love would only ever end in heartbreak.

The ache would fade eventually, I imagined. So would the memories. That was the way time worked; it ate away at everything, breaking down even the brightest star into little more than celestial dust. But he would never have a happy ending.

It was a tragic realization, and it took me more than a lifetime to understand it was also a universal truth. No one ever got a happy ending. Not really. The people you cherished would leave you, or die on you, or betray you in some way that would break your heart. And even if you were lucky enough to leave this world before your loved ones, you would be the one doing the breaking.

Happy endings didn’t exist.

So why try?

That was the question that had been eating at me for decades, and it had only become more pronounced since the night Emerson walked back into my life. Because now I knew the answer.

I pressed my hand to the stained wood, letting the warmth coming from it seep into my palm as I opened my mind to him. “Why me, Emerson? Out of everyone in this insane world, why did you choose me?”

Even now, I believed what he felt for me was real. Powerful, possessive, raw. But love? Could a demon even feel that?

The silence that followed felt like a vice slowly closing around my chest, crushing my battered heart between steel jaws made of doubt and worry.

I started to pull my hand away from the door when his voice filled my mind, sending a shiver through me. “Why does a tree take root in the shadows?”

And just like that, the doubt and worry melted into foolishness. It might not have been the easiest question to answer, but the riddle was all the proof I needed that coming here was a mistake .

Letting my hand fall, I straightened. “Forget I asked. Have a good night, Emerson.”

The door swung open, and he was there, all tall, dark, and brooding, wearing only a pair of worn jeans that hung low on his hips. With the dim light spilling out around him, there was no missing the planes of muscle spanning his broad chest and shoulders. Or the torment in his expression, like he was caught between anger and desire.

He leaned his forearm against the top of the door frame. “A tree doesn’t choose the shadows. It grows in darkness because it can do nothing else.”

A bitter scoff burned up my throat. “You always had a choice.”

“Not with you.” He reached out, brushing aside a few strands of hair that were plastered to my neck. “I didn’t want to fall for you back then, and I damn sure didn’t want to spend over a century in misery because the memory of you was seared into my being. There were days when the pain of losing you was so crushing I could barely breathe.” He cradled the side of my face. “Believe me, if I could have found a way to forget you—to let you go—I would have.”

A response singed the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t trust my voice. “ You never said it.”

“Neither did you.” When I tried to turn away, he pulled me closer, tipping my head back until his face filled my vision. The heat of his chest was like a furnace against mine, cutting through the cold and wet. “I meant what I said, Senna. No more running.”

Hot tears burned the corners of my eyes. Emerson was many things, but I refused to believe he was that dense. I shook my head.

His nostrils flared, and a hint of crimson flashed in his blue eyes. “I might not have known what it was back then, but I have always loved you. Is that what you need to hear? Have always. Will always. Even when this world is reduced to stone and ash, my black heart will still belong to you.”

I blinked. His words were a shot to the heart. A blow to the chest that should have stolen my breath. Instead, it was like he’d thrown gasoline on a fire.

I shoved him back through the open door. Our kiss was a brutal complement to the want and need driving me. We stumbled through the cottage, peeling out of our clothes as we slammed into furniture, ignoring the crash of a lamp shattering on the floor as we made our way to his bedroom.

Normally, when he wrapped his big hand around my neck, I would melt. There was a part of me that loved submitting to him, but not tonight.

With the help of my magic, I broke his hold and shoved him back a few steps. He let out a growl that I felt in my bones, but if he thought that would be enough to cow me, he still had a lot to learn about the new Senna.

I closed the distance between us and shoved him again, hard enough that when his legs hit the bed, he fell back onto it, catching himself on his elbows.

And damn, he was a sight. Those thick, muscular thighs made my mouth water, and the way his abdomen flexed as he sat up, coupled with the wicked gleam in his eye? Irresistible didn’t even scratch the surface.

“You’re playing with fire, Sai.” The warning rumbled out of him, hot and sensual.

“You have no idea.”

He reached out, but I batted his hand away as I caught him by the throat. Those deep blue eyes narrowed, and for just a second, I faltered. My small human fingers looked like a joke against the muscles and tendons stretching down his thick neck .

In a fair fight, without supernatural power, he would win. Every time.

Which was precisely why I let my magic bleed from my fingertips, the light seeping into the nerve endings just beneath his skin. It was a trickle compared to the reservoir of energy stored inside me, but judging by the set of his jaw and the ripple of those taut muscles in my grip, it was more than enough to get his attention.

I pushed him back and climbed on the bed, the mattress dipping beneath our combined weight as I straddled his hips. He opened his mouth, probably to issue another of his deliciously dark warnings, but I let the light pulse, cutting off his words before he’d even started.

“Does that hurt?” The question came out as a taunt, but I was genuinely curious. I’d never used my magic like this.

His only response was a steady stare as the ruby glow came alive in his eyes.

My insides clenched.

How could my body still be so responsive to him? I was already slick and hot, aching in a way that only one thing could fix.

No games. No teasing. With my free hand, I grabbed his thick cock, lined us up, and slowly lowered myself onto him.

The stretch was… fucking amazing.

A guttural groan slipped out of him. I bit my lip. My eyelids fluttered for just a second, but I never took my eyes off him. I wanted to see the effect I was having on him.

When I was seated—filled to the point of pain—I squeezed my fingers and released more of my magic. He hissed, grinding his teeth like it burned, but his cock jerked inside me. For a demon who loved being in control, he was definitely getting off on having the tables turned .

It wasn’t until I felt the press of his thoughts against my mental walls that I realized my defenses were back up. Yet another reminder of just how different things were now. Gone were the sensual moments in which Emerson had unfettered access to my thoughts and emotions.

But why, when I was straddling his gloriously naked body, and impaled on his cock with my magic pinning him to the bed, was I still hesitating to open myself up?

I wasn’t worried about what buried truths he might glimpse. I’d already revealed my darkest fear. Hearing the words had helped, some, but deep down, I was still afraid of what I would see if I peeked through the cracks in his armor.

“Senna.” His voice was tight with the effort it took to speak through my hold on him. “Let me in.”

I couldn’t.

Instead, I closed my eyes and rolled my hips, burying my fear beneath the pleasure his body promised. Big hands gripped my hips as he thrust up into me. There wasn’t much harm in giving him that sliver of control when the tradeoff felt so damned good.

Tiny pulses of sensation shot through me, from my core out to the tips of my fingers. His energy slid along my barrier again, and I pushed it away. All I wanted right then was to climb to the peak and ride a breathtaking orgasm all the way back down. I could worry about the fallout later.

Sweat coated my skin, my legs trembled, and every muscle in my body was pulled tight as a drum. I was so damned close, but when I started to tip over the edge, doubt crept back in and hauled me backward.

So, I focused on the sensations coursing through me. Bringing myself to orgasm wasn’t hard. Considering the decades I’d spent alone in my own bed, my body was a landscape I knew well, but after the second time release eluded me, my frustration boiled over.

“Fuck,” I panted. I opened my eyes to find Emerson watching me.

Was it because he wasn’t in charge? Was that why I couldn’t get there?

Was I so broken that I could only climax with him if I felt powerless?

My fingers twitched around his neck, and he winced. A shot of illicit excitement rang through me, reigniting the fire that had been starting to fizzle.

Nope, it wasn’t about him being in control.

He watched me without saying a word. I released my grip on his throat, biting my tongue against the guilt that reared its head at the angry red imprint of my hand against his skin. I was obviously hurting him, but the only protest he’d lodged was for me to let him in.

When he tried to sit up, I laid my palms on his chest and used a pulse of magic to press him back into the mattress. That crimson glow flared again.

Was he as frustrated as I was? Was I pushing him to his limit?

He hadn’t tried to take more control, but he was clearly struggling to hold back.

I set the pace again, slow and punishing. He was deliciously hard inside me, filling me up in just the right way. His fingers dug into my hips, adding another layer of sensation to the mix. Then his energy brushed against my defenses again.

I pinned him with a look. “Stop it.”

“Let me in.” The angry handprint was already gone, but his voice was like gravel.

Still, those three syllables made my insides clench, and a familiar tingle spread through me, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. I was there… right there… on the fucking cusp… and all I could think about was how tragic it would be to come this far only to be too afraid to open myself up and find out the truth.

It would have been so much easier to just let him have control. Then my intrusive thoughts wouldn’t matter. He could drive me to the edge and send me careening over it like a car with no brakes.

The temptation was real, but I knew once the buzz wore off, that gnawing doubt would still be there.

I dug my nails into his chest and raised my hips, dragging myself up until just his blunt head teased my center. More magic bled from my hands, pinning him in place as I stared into his eyes. I could practically taste the violence and chaos swirling inside him even with my defenses up, and it bordered on terrifying.

No more running.

In one swift move, I closed my eyes, plunged down, and let my walls fall. Emerson’s swollen cock impaled me with the most delicious bite of pain, and on the heels of that momentary bliss, an overpowering rush of thoughts and emotions slammed into me.

Fear. Fury. Desire. Possession.

And a hope so fragile it made my heart ache for a fraction of a second before the world around me fell away.

A brutal wave of pleasure crashed over me with my next breath, tossing me this way and that, sending me tumbling into the deep with no idea which way was up. I clung to Emerson’s chest as an anchor, but he broke my hold and rolled me. His weight as he drove into me relentlessly was the perfect balance of suffocating and soothing, and when he peaked a few moments later, his cock hot and pulsing inside me, he took my mouth in a bruising kiss.

That was the moment he broke me .

I could barely process the thoughts and emotions barreling into me, but when he kissed me, one truth rang clear above it all; he loved me. Not in a timid or sweet or even tender way. His love was scorched earth. He would never stop coming for me, and he would burn anyone or anything that got in his way.