Page 25 of Cast in Shadow (Drenched in Darkness #1)

25

I eyed Shay over our late dinner at my small kitchen table the following evening. The girl was a sucker for all things ramen, so I’d whipped up a batch with poached eggs, cheese, and green onions. “I want you to stay in the building until the Navali case is closed.”

She didn’t look at me when I made the announcement. Instead, she just kept swirling the noodles around her fork without taking a bite.

“Shay?”

Still no response.

I reached across and hooked a finger on the lip of her bowl, dragging it my way an inch. “Are you listening?”

The sigh that heaved from her chest was entirely too tired for a young woman her age. “Yes.”

“Then what did I say?”

“You want me to stay in the building.” This time she lifted her eyes to meet mine. “Which, fine, whatever. I’ll stay here like a good little puppy, but I don’t have to like it.”

“A puppy? ”

“Sit, puppy. Stay, puppy. Woof.” The response was as dry as desert sand, and it might have been funny, if not for the hurt lingering beneath the words.

“It’s for your safety.” And my peace of mind.

She huffed out a bitter laugh. “What’s the worst that could happen? They could kill me? Pretty sure that dick demon already gave that a shot.”

The thought drove a spike through my chest. She might heal quickly, but that didn’t make her immune to death.

“It’s not just that. You’re good at research, and you think faster on your feet than Dennis. I need you here with him in case something goes wrong.”

She rolled her eyes half-heartedly. “Why did you make him lead on comms again?”

“Because he was the best fit at the time. Why? Do you want to give it a crack?”

Another eye roll, only this time her irritation was pointed. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned her head back against her chair.

Having Shay take over the communications position wasn’t the worst idea I’d had, but we both knew that wasn’t what she wanted.

I held my tongue and let the seconds tick by until she deigned to look at me again. When she did, accusation filtered through her stubbornness. “Are you serious?”

“Only if you are. You’ve been in the room with Dennis for damn near every operation for what, a year now?”

“Yeah, and I listen in on the other teams when they’re out in the field. Do you know why?”

Of course I knew. Shay was a sponge, soaking up every drop of information and experience life had to offer, and she was ready to do it outside of these walls. “I know you want to be part of the?— ”

“I want to be out in the field,” she snapped.

Which was precisely where I didn’t want her. I’d gone against my better judgment and called her in on the vehicle swap. If she’d been any other eighteen-year-old, Phineas might have actually succeeded in killing her. The idea of sending her back out and putting her in the path of the next horrible thing coming down the pipeline, because there was always a next horrible thing, made me sick to my stomach.

“I know, but this isn’t the mission to start with, honey. I’ll feel better, and be better at my job, knowing you’re here. At least for now.”

A low, displeased energy radiated from her. She leaned forward, planting her elbows on the table as she pressed her palms to the smooth surface. It was so hard to see her chipped hot pink nail polish and not think of her as the young teenager who’d wormed her way into my heart.

Shay’s hazel eyes bore into me like she was searching for some hint of weakness. “If not this mission, then when?”

I reached out and took her hands. “I don’t know yet, but I’m sure something will come up soon.” I squeezed reassuringly. “Until then, you can still shadow the teams while they’re here and help Dennis on comms when he needs it. And keep up with your combat training with Nguyen.”

Some of the tension left her shoulders. “In other words, I’m free to keep doing what I’ve been doing for over a year.” The defeat in that statement was like a tiny, hot blade digging into my side.

“For now. We all play different roles, but it takes each and every one of us to get the job done. When the time is right to send you out on your first real field mission, I won’t stand in your way.”

Shay tugged her hands free of my hold. “Yeah,” she grumbled. But when she picked up her fork and started eating her ramen, relief trickled through me.

“I promise, Shay. You’ll get your shot.”

“Just so we’re clear,” she started, covering her half-full mouth with the back of her hand, “I’m also pissed at you for not telling me about Emerson.”

I was wondering how long it would take her to mention him. It had been an uncharacteristically quiet day at Lexa. I’d spent my time scouting locations for our trap, and for the first time since he’d frozen me in that clearing, Emerson hadn’t made a single attempt to reach out.

The silence should have been a welcome reprieve, so why didn’t it feel that way?

“I didn’t tell anyone about him,” I offered, though I knew she deserved more of an explanation than that.

“And the fact that you’re super old, am I just supposed to roll with that too?”

“You can throw a tantrum if it’ll make you feel better, but it’s not like I can go back in time and change anything. And even if I could, I wouldn’t. If I’d lived a regular mortal life, I would have turned to dust long before you were ever born.”

She swirled another forkful of noodles. “I’m too old for tantrums, but I definitely want to hear some of the stories you’ve been hoarding over the years. There’s no way you’ve been around for this long without collecting some wild tales.” Then she shoved the food in her mouth like a heathen.

“I’ll share what I can, but anything I tell you stays between us.”

Shay swallowed. “Yeah, I figured.”

We ate in silence for the next few minutes, but I could see the questions brewing inside her. When she pushed her empty bowl away and sat back, I braced for the inquisition.

“What are you going to do about him? ”

“About who?”

She shot me an irritated look. “Emerson, obviously.”

“We’ll coordinate over the next couple days, finalize the plan.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

I knew what she meant. “It’s complicated.”

“What isn’t?”

“There’s a lot of history between us. And a lot of pain.”

“But he’s still in love with you, right?”

This girl. She didn’t even know how to pull punches.

How was I supposed to answer that question? Emerson’s possessiveness was still firmly intact. He obviously wanted me, at least physically. But that wasn’t love. I didn’t even know if primordial demons could fall in love.

“I don’t know,” I finally admitted.

She lifted her fist to her lips and faked a cough. “Bullshit.”

“Watch it. Adult or no, we still use our manners around this table.”

“There’s no way you don’t know. Hell, even Dennis saw it, and he’s oblivious to that kind of stuff.”

I pushed my bowl away, leaned back, and folded my hands in my lap. “It doesn’t matter. What we were is in the past. All that matters right now is taking this witch down before all hell breaks loose.”

She offered me a sad smile. “Oh, Senna. You’ve got it bad for him, don’t you?”

Seriously, how could she see so much?

“Like I said, it’s in the past.”

“But it’s not. This is now, and there’s obviously something between you two.” Her expression turned teasing. “I mean, really, when was the last time someone made you feel the way he does? A decade? Half a century?”

I knew she was trying to be funny, but she had no idea how close to home she was hitting with her questions. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against the chair. “In a hundred and thirty years? No one has ever come close.”

Her responding silence had me swallowing hard. I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, and now that the truth was out in the world, I felt dangerously exposed.

Wooden legs scraped against tile and the next thing I knew, she was behind me, wrapping me in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

I reached up and squeezed her arm. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, I twisted my head to look at her. “Sometimes I need a good shove to straighten me out.” Her sweet smile was infectious. “Do you want to crash here with me again? We can have another movie night.”

Shay peeled away, shaking her head. “Nah. Two nights of hiding under your skirt is more than enough. It’s time for me to pull up my big girl panties and sleep in my own room.”

“You sure?”

She snagged the bowls off the table and walked them over to the sink. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“The door’s always open if you change your mind,” I offered. Whether I was there or not, if she needed to use my suite as a safe space, it would always be there for her.

She smiled. “I know.”