Page 21 of Cast in Shadow (Drenched in Darkness #1)

21

Emerson stared at me with those stony eyes for so long, I was pretty sure he’d disappeared into his own head.

“Megan Navali should be a mid-level witch at best,” I said, hoping to drag him back from wherever he’d drifted off to. “She shouldn’t be able to reach out to the veil alone, but with the lives she’s taken and the power she’s stolen, it might be what she’s working toward.”

He blinked a few times, slowly, before pulling in a deep breath and stepping back. “You were well beyond mid-level when you di—left.”

There was nothing to say to that. He’d helped me hone my craft. It was thanks to him that I was able to shape my magic into something more. He was the one who had guided me through harnessing it without the help of a coven and using it to heal others. The Alius, though, that was where I’d learned to use it to defend myself, in more ways than one.

It was learn or die on the other side, and I’d come close to losing that battle many, many times.

“How long were you there?” he asked .

“I don’t know.” That was the god’s honest truth. “At the time, I was alone, living in an abandoned cabin out in the boonies. There was no one nearby who would’ve bothered checking in on me and no one who would’ve noticed I’d gone missing.”

The more I talked, the more color drained from his face.

“I’m not telling you this for sympathy. You know that, right?”

He nodded, despite the world of pain simmering in those gray-toned eyes. I reached out for his hand, but he pulled back. And damned if it didn’t sting.

“Just tell me what happened,” he said angrily.

Right. Skip to the end.

“From what I was able to piece together when I got back, I was gone for a few months.” Though, at the time, it felt like an eternity had passed. Brutal, painful, and unending.

When I met his gaze again, the first hint of color was making its way back into his irises, just not the color I was hoping for. A sliver of ruby ringed his pupils. “Months?” he breathed, barely containing the fury twisting the question.

“Give or take.” I offered him a little shrug, as if to say it was no big deal.

Emerson was practically vibrating. “Time doesn’t move the same on the other side.”

“Yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way, but it is so far in the past for me that it hardly matters. You know what does matter?”

He just stared at me in a tense, focused silence that made my skin tingle.

“You know as well as I do that the demons in the Alius aren’t like most of the ones we have here. If she makes that connection and there’s something on the other side waiting for her, something that could latch onto a living being from this side to pull itself through, we might be dealing with another demon as powerful as you and the rest of the Brethren. ”

His eyes narrowed. “That would be a problem.”

No shit. I couldn’t say with absolute confidence that it would happen, but based on my own experience, it was a definite possibility. The creatures on the other side of the veil were the epitome of feral. Bringing one of them here, into a world packed with fragile mortals who mostly refused to believe in even the simplest magic—let alone witches and immortal demons—was equivalent to setting a rabid wolf loose in a park filled with ducklings.

“What was it about Megan that put her on your radar in the first place?” I asked.

Lexa had started tracking her when she’d been exiled from her old coven. Then she’d started dabbling in darker spells and shadowy magic. Power like that had a way of infecting everything it touched if the person who called on it didn’t keep it firmly leashed. That was the point where I’d decided to step in and take the case.

“The dark magic,” Emerson said, still with that crimson glow doing strange things to my insides. “We received a couple reports through our network, places where it seemed to be spreading. All roads led to her.”

And me, since the wicked witch had made her way to my city.

“At least now I know why she chose this place.” He eyed me carefully.

“Why?”

“Because of you.”

Okay, now I was genuinely confused. “I’m going to need a little more than that.”

“Power is a magnet. Dark draws dark. Light draws light. The math is pretty simple.”

I scoffed. “You’re not really saying I’m the reason she’s here, are you? ”

He eyed me. “That depends. How powerful are you, Senna?”

I clenched my jaw and lifted my chin. That was one question I definitely wasn’t ready to answer.

He shook his head slowly, and when he spoke again, his voice was eerily calm. “I need to know.”

But did he? Really?

Silence stretched for a few beats. When it was clear I wasn’t answering, a muscle in his jaw jumped. He stepped forward and pressed his palm to the center of my chest, moving with a deliberate slowness.

Pain flickered, starting as an ember buried deep inside me that grew exponentially with each quickening beat of my heart.

Fear trickled down my spine.

“Stop,” I demanded, trying to twist away from him.

“You can heal yourself now, right?” He slammed me back against the Jeep with that one hand, rocking it with the impact of my body.

My breath leaked out of me as the pain burned brighter. And hotter. Until it felt like my chest was on fire.

“Emerson, stop!” I knew what he was doing. It was an asshole move, but in the back of my mind, through the searing pain, I knew it would remove any doubt about the power I wielded.

Gritting my teeth, I refused to give him what he wanted. I tightened the leash on my magic and sank into the agony. Tiny white sparks shot across my vision.

“Tell me, and I’ll stop.” His handsome face was twisted with misery. “I don’t want to hurt you, Senna. I never wanted to hurt you, but I need to know.”

Because if I was too powerful, if I could send the Brethren back to the hell they came from, then that would mean I really was a threat .

When I lowered my mental barrier to let him see just how much pain he was causing me, he pinched his eyes shut.

“Emerson, please,” I pleaded through our connection. I didn’t want to show him the truth. The depth of my power was my secret to keep.

But he didn’t stop, because this wasn’t some harmless game we were playing anymore.

Screams filled the air around us, tearing up my throat until it was as raw as my battered emotions. I felt like I was being burned from the inside out. I was shaking as much from the sheer torture of his magic coursing through me as I was from the monumental effort it took to keep my grip on my power. It was like trying to wrestle a wild horse into submission. But as I fought for control, the ribbon rushed in around me, responding to the panic eating away at my resolve as it fed me more and more power.

I writhed beneath his relentless assault.

So much pain.

There wasn’t even a single point anymore. It was coming from everywhere. Every drop of blood. Every inch of skin.

“Emerson!” I screamed his name in my head, a plea for him to stop but also a warning.

A second later, my hold slipped. Bright, searing magic pulsed from every cell inside me, and no matter how desperately I might want to, I couldn’t claw it back. Everything went white, and when it cleared, Emerson was gone.

A suffocating dread overwhelmed me as I collapsed to the ground. Panting, I dragged myself onto all fours, feeling the drain of the energy pulse even as I took in the effect it had on the world around me. Nothing made sense at first. My Jeep was thirty feet away but sitting at a strange angle, with four distinct black marks stretching sideways across several parking spaces leading to it. Trash cans rolled at the far end of the parking area, scattering what little rubbish they’d collected over the previous day.

“Fuck,” I wheezed. Everything hurt. My head, my lungs, my back. Even my damned toes ached. But it was nothing compared to the way my heart was seizing in my chest.

“Emerson?” I whispered through our connection.

I didn’t know what a blast like that would do to him, or how it would change how he saw me. In the grand scheme of things, it really shouldn’t matter, but despite the dickhead stunt he’d just pulled, it did. Despite our whole twisted history, he still mattered to me.

“Come on,” I pleaded quietly.

“Tell me you’re still here,” I said through the link.

“Where else would I be, Sai?” His deep voice sent a rush of relief through me, even if it was threaded with ice.

I didn’t look up. I couldn’t. Instead, I sank back on my heels and rested my head on my forearms. A swarm of emotional responses were battling it out inside me, and I wouldn’t be able to find my words until I figured out which one was taking the reins.

It didn’t help that the silence in the wake of what just happened was deafening. Truly. There was no wildlife chirping or chittering in the trees.

After a few more heavy breaths, I pulled myself up, dusting the dirt from my knees as I straightened. Anger tingled along my neck and scalp, and I let it bleed through me.

Looks like fury will be running this show.

“Are you going to run off and tell your brothers?” I asked through gritted teeth.

The Brethren would never let me live knowing the level of power I possessed. Sending one of them back through the veil wouldn’t exactly be child’s play, but I could do it, assuming I could keep my hands on one of them long enough. Proximity was still important.

Emerson just stared at me, studying me like a deadly new insect he’d only just discovered.

That twinge of anger worked its way down my spine. I rolled my shoulders, not to shake it off, but to settle into it. “I assume by your silence that we’re done here?”

Still no response.

I stalked forward and yanked the driver’s door open, but then I just stood there. It didn’t matter that the damned thing might not even start after an energy pulse like that. It didn’t matter that my brain was screaming at me to leave while I still could.

Instead of getting in and leaving him in that parking lot, I turned to face him. “You have always had the power to crush me. A flick of your hand, a single stray thought, and I would be dead. Do you have any idea how it feels to know the person who holds your heart can destroy you on a whim?”

His fierce expression faltered. Not much, but enough.

“I’m not the same woman I was, but I’m still me,” I said quietly. “All I did was level the playing field a bit.”

With that, I turned and climbed in the Jeep.

It took more effort than it should have to drag the door closed. Fatigue didn’t even begin to describe the sluggish weight of my limbs or the unbearable drag of my thoughts. I pushed the ignition button, expecting the worst, but the engine purred to life.

I stared out at the trees, kicking myself for the way the morning had gone. I’d accomplished nothing meeting with Emerson, other than showing him things I really didn’t want him seeing. And I’d put myself at risk, which meant going back to Lexa now was even more dangerous. Even if the Brethren hadn’t known where we were headquartered yet, they would throw everything they had at unearthing the location once Emerson told them what happened between us.

Why couldn’t I just let him go? Why did I have to give him the opening to reach out to me?

Closing my eyes, I drew in an unsteady breath and held it for a beat, searching for some sense of calm. A knock on my window snatched away any hope of that.

It took me an unreasonably long time to choose between dealing with Emerson and kicking the Jeep into gear and taking off, but when I lowered the window, he was still there.

His blue eyes glittered in the morning light. “I have no intention of telling anyone anything. Yet.”

I searched his gaze. “Even though I’m clearly a threat?”

“Are you?”

“I’m a hell of a lot more powerful than I was when Theloneus ordered you to bring me in or take me out.”

He tipped his head. “Do you intend to use your power against me? Or the others?”

“On Phineas? You bet your ass.”

The corners of his lips twitched. “Fair enough. What about the rest of us?”

I sank back in my seat. “I have no immediate plans.”

It might not seem like it, but I would be the first to admit that the world needed the Brethren, even if most people had no clue they existed. They kept the lesser demons in order and destroyed or exiled those who failed to follow the rules. Not quite jailers, more like peacekeepers.

Demonic, deadly, immortal peacekeepers.

He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth before leaning his muscled forearm on the top of my door. “Then what you can do can stay between us, for now.”

That should have been a relief, but I still didn’t know if I could really trust him. We hadn’t resolved anything. His people still wanted me dead. Where did that leave us?

With everything happening in our two worlds, it seemed like a ridiculous thing to be concerned about. Especially since I wasn’t completely sure I wanted there to be an us. It was that hesitation that kept me from asking the question.

Emerson reached through the window and tugged my hand away from the steering wheel. I almost yanked it back, but his touch was so gentle that I let him pull it toward him. He pressed his lips to my palm. “I’m sorry for pushing you.”

“I doubt that.”

His head canted an inch to the side. “I needed to know.”

“And now you do.” Far more than I wanted him to know.

“How about this—I’m sorry for hurting you.” He turned my wrist and pressed another warm kiss to my knuckles before guiding my hand back to the steering wheel. “Just now and back… in the beginning.”

I bit the inside of my lip hard and gave my head a little shake, my gaze inextricably drawn to the spot he’d kissed on the back of my hand. That apology was far too little and over a century too late.

“I made a mistake back then.”

A weak huff slipped through my lips. “I know.”

“No, you don’t.” His strong fingers gripped my chin, turning me to face him again. His blue eyes searched mine.

“I heard you, Emerson.”

“What you heard was a lie.” He let me go, his hand falling away. “I was lying to myself and didn’t even know it. Not until I lost you.”

I sat there, holding his gaze, turning his words over in my mind. A bold claim. A dangerous one. Was it an ugly truth or clever fiction ?

I closed my eyes and drew in a measured breath. The ache in my chest dragged me back to the present.

He wanted me to believe… what exactly? That he didn’t realize how much I meant to him until I was gone? That he would never have hurt me intentionally? I wanted to believe that. Gods, I wanted to. But it couldn’t be true. Because he had hurt me. Moments ago, without hesitation.

And worse? I’d let him.

Why?

Because a weak, foolish part of me—the part that had always loved him—was still clinging to life inside me.

But could he really love me back? Did I even want that anymore?

I honestly didn’t know.

And no matter the answer, there was no undoing what was done.

Opening my eyes, I shook my head and leaned back. “What are we going to do about Megan?”

His shoulders slumped just a touch, and for the first time I could remember, I saw a hint of true exhaustion, like his thousands of years in our world were finally starting to wear him down. He reached through the window and brushed his thumb across my temple. “I’ll be in touch.”

And just like that, he was gone.

I leaned my head back against the seat and glared up at the charcoal headliner. I just needed a minute to pull myself together, but before I could, I felt the telltale press of Emerson reaching out.

I eased my inner walls down. “That was quick.”

A warm wave of affection washed through me. It was almost like being wrapped in his arms, but I felt the pain hiding beneath it. “I meant what I said.”

“About what? ”

“I’m not letting you go.”

What was I supposed to say to that? My thoughts and emotions were all over the place. Having him back in my life was like being swept out to sea by a riptide. I could see the shore, and I kept trying to swim back to it, but every time I came up for air, safety was farther and farther away.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Emerson,” I finally sent through the link.

He was silent for a breath before his voice rumbled through my head again. “I want you to give me another chance.”

No. Hard pass. Absolutely out of the question.

Those were three shining examples of things I probably should have said, but the words refused to manifest. My heart was at war with my mind. Logic and reason said giving him another chance would kill me, while my heart—the idiot organ that was responsible for all my best and worst decisions—was apparently as masochistic as ever.

“I’m giving you the chance to help me with Megan. Take it or leave it.” With that, I put the Jeep in gear and headed out.

A few minutes later, he responded, “I’ll take what I can get.”