Page 30

“ T hink that was a bit harsh, man?” Domino gives me a look like he thinks I’m crazy. And maybe I am. Ever since I said those words to her, I’ve been wanting to call her and say I didn’t mean it. That she’s my girl, my pet, my everything.

But just as quick on those heels of want comes the anger. Not sure how long I’ll have it, but until it’s gone, I can’t overlook everything that went down.

“Not harsh enough in my book.”

Got home a week ago. Did the debrief and set up a few things, but mostly stayed clear of any topic to do with the Crazy Eights or Billy. I just told them we were done. It’s all they needed to know.

Till I started doing shots with Domino and Kooper, and then I started talking. No fucking clue when we turned into a bunch of girls around here. We were talking about nothing, and then I was spilling everything. The place is quiet; vamp night isn’t tonight, so it’s only brothers hanging around. And I tell them all of it. Every single thing. Down to what Billy told me right before I left the Michigan chapter.

“Domino, leave it. Give him time,” Kooper says with a shake of his head.

“Don’t need time. Had enough of that shit.” I thought that was what I needed. I was an idiot to want that. Time is what got me here. More enemies added to my list, the club in disarray, and an ache in my chest that won’t go away no matter how much whiskey I drink.

“Sure, man. Sure,” Koop says with a pathetic pat to the back that I shake off.

I don’t need some pissant telling me what to do or what to feel. I’m the fucking president, and he should respect that or shut the fuck up.

I eye him, but Bulldog gets my attention from across the room with a shake of his head. He’s been watching all night, not saying much, just monitoring things. Got to appreciate that my club knows when I need to have a night to just fuck off. Didn’t think I could have it, but they proved me wrong, backing me at every turn. It’s about time that I show them I trust them to watch my back like they insist on doing. It’s their way of giving respect, and I plan not to overstep on that. Especially with my VP eyeing me. He knows what I’m thinking. He’s the hothead in this place, not me. But I bet I could give him a run for his money right now with the way Koop is placating me.

“Hey, losers, what’d I miss?” Ruby chimes as she walks into the club, and I see half the damn place cringe away from her. Guess she didn’t get the memo that it’s boys drinking night only. Not that I expected her to get it. Club’s been treating her almost like a leper. If she knows, she says nothing. No one wants to let it slip about her dad, so they keep her at arm’s length or further. But the girl grew up here. This is her home. I can’t kick someone out of their home.

At that moment, I realize the club is no better than the Crazy Eights. That I’m no better than her and all her lies.

My VP is watching me so damn close that he sees it before the rest. “Don’t.” One word that carries over the entire place like a mushroom cloud.

I give him a look not to fuck with me, but it has Kooper’s volleying back and forth between us. “What? Don’t what?” He turns back to me, and my eyes filter to Ruby. “No. Don’t do this. Casper… shit, man, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Ruby asks, clueless as she should be, while the rest of the damn club figures it out and doesn’t make eye contact with her.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Koop,” I grit out, more pissed than I was before. Call it the whiskey, or a fucking epiphany from God himself, but learning I’m the same as her boils my blood. And if I’m going to bleed, I want everyone else to as well. “I’m in charge of this club.”

“Come on, man,” he begs as his eyes track to Ruby and back to me, his desperation clear. “You’re hung up on your old lady walking out. This has nothing to do with her.”

“Woo, big man got hitched? So soon? Who’s the lucky bitch?” Ruby pulls out the seat between us and sits, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and drinking straight from it.

“No one,” I bark at her and take the bottle away. “Ain’t chained up. Not now, not going to be.” I already gave too much away—my whole damn heart. No way am I sharing my whiskey too.

“Well, with that attitude, you won’t. Might try loosening up a bit. Maybe you should call that vet girly, the badass one, and see if she’s still interested.”

“Billy’s dead to me.” I take a long pull from the bottle before looking at the table, but I only see her face staring back at me. The same face she made when I fucked her that last time.

“Why? Y’all seemed good together. Even when I saw she pulled that gun on you. Pretty hot.”

“She left.”

So did you.

I push the thought away even as my brain tries to reason that she didn’t walk away, more like got carried off to get medical treatment. I actually walked away. Right past her, out of the club. Hopped on an early flight back home and away from her.

“Oh, was it something you said?” She leans back in her chair and kicks her feet up on the table, not caring about my attitude. She’s used to all the men’s mood swings by now. “You guys sure know how to fuck up a good thing.” Her chuckle has me glaring.

“It was what she did.”

“Can’t be that bad.”

“She lied,” I spit out. The worst thing ever, and she did it. Multiple times. I can’t be the fool to her game. I refuse.

“So?” As easy as that. Like it means nothing.

“So? Lying isn’t a deal-breaker for you?”

“If it was to help in a roundabout way, nah.”

I tilt my head and look at her as she grins back. Did she really mean that? Ruby is like a sister to most of us. Annoying and bratty, but we’d easily go to bat for her.

And we lied to her. All of us. I was the one who said we should, even before I became president. She’s family. You shouldn’t lie to family, and I did. I still am. If I can do that to her and think I was in the right, why can’t I overlook Billy doing it to me?

She said it was for me. That connecting with the Devils Damned was to have our back. To make sure we knew the truth about Duke and that we weren’t fucked with our pants down around our ankles again if he came back. Even if Psy says he has a handle on Duke, the guy is slipperier than oil. The club’s tried to shut him down for years, but he always gets away. He’s just a second faster than we are to catch him.

Maybe that’s why I’m so pissed off. She did the right thing, but I hate the way she did it. I don’t want decisions made for me. I’m part of a team. Sure, I lead that team, but we all get a say. She never gave me that say.

Just like I never gave Ruby one.

“Don’t, man.” Kooper’s jaw is so tight, his mouth hardly moves when he makes his demand.

“Jesus, what has you in such a panty-twisting mood, Koop? Just relax for a fucking sec. Hell, go get your dick sucked if you think it’ll help.” Ruby gives him the side-eye. She always has. She might not like it, but she and Koop are close. Not by want but the job. The one Law gave him.

Kooper came to us right after doing several jobs with diplomatic security. He’s well versed in protecting a high-profile client and keeping them safe. Which is exactly what Ruby is. Dead or alive, Law’s daughter will always be seen as a target. Law tasked Koop with the job of being her security, and he’s been forced to take on more than the rest of us when it comes to tracking her. Law was always protective of his kid. No one faulted him for it. He only has one, and after his old lady died, he made her his entire world. Never even took another old lady, not even a vamp for a night. “Why mess with perfection?” is what he would always say when a brother asked.

And it’s because of who her dad is, and the respect I have for him, that has me talking. Not only for taking a chance on me but making me a better man, and eventually one good enough to take on this role.

“Your dad’s alive.”

Her smile goes first. Then her feet drop, and she leans forward when she notices not a single person is laughing. Hardly anyone is breathing. “Wh-What?”

“He’s at St. James Hospital. In a coma.” I rip off the Band-Aid and give it to her quick and dry.

“What? Why?” She looks at me, then Koop, then every brother here. Searching for anything that would explain why we lied to her. That the soul-shattering pain she’s been dealing with for weeks now is inconsequential. The funeral we insisted upon was a sham. Everything since the clubhouse was attacked was all bullshit. Because if one thing was, it all was.

That’s how I saw it before. When I got fucked over by the government and saw one hole, then another, then another. If they can lie about something small, who’s saying they didn’t lie about something big? And if one part is off, it’s all off.

“Club thought it best to keep it under wraps,” Bulldog says.

“With him dead, the threat goes with it,” Domino offers.

“We wanted the threat gone. Without him, the club—” Koop takes a second to look at her with a nod to include her without saying it. “—everything and everyone would be fine. That the threats already high on him would be limited, or even gone.”

“Once it was gone, we were going to tell you. After some time.” I need her to know why we did this. That we thought long term and didn’t just do it as a side hustle because we were bored.

“We don’t even know when he’ll wake up. We’re keeping it quiet for his protection,” Chains says as he puts a hand on her shoulder in support.

She says nothing. Doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t rant or rave. She just sits there.

“Ruby.” Koop nudges her knee with his hand till she swats it away, along with Chains’ at her back.

“Get your hands off me.” She stands and starts walking toward the exit.

Koop also stands. Half the damn club does as we watch her go. “We don’t even know if he’ll wake up,” he says.

That has her stopping. She has to get it. If he’s been in a coma for this long, then we don’t have the quick cure for any of this. He could wake up tomorrow, next week, next month even. Or never. But that isn’t what the club wants, and we’ll spend whatever money is necessary to keep him stabilized till we know how things are going to end up for him.

“Yeah, but there’s a chance, right?” She looks back at us. First Kooper, then Chains, and finally me. “Right?”

I nod gravely, to which she nods and walks with determination for the door, shoving it open. “So, why the fuck should I waste my time with you all when I can be with him?”

The door slams shut the second after she walks through it, and Kooper throws his chair across the room in a roar before stomping out the other way, heading to his room based on his direction. Others leave too. Some stay, but I get my table to myself.

I pulled a dick move tonight. Something that was needed, but still a dick move. The boys need a night to think it over and get back to me. Don’t think I isolated myself. I saw a few looks of self-loathing, but most were in understanding and agreement. Sad, but agreeable. It was time she knew. Hiding something like that would only fester. By the time she found out, she might do more than just walk out the damn door. She might leave the state.

Like I did.

The more I sit and drink, the clearer things get. The differences fade away, and all I see is that Billy and I are the same. Exactly alike.

Both of us are fighting for what we see as the right thing. We have a group that has our backs, but also those we lead. Others rely on us, and it’s hard to find a moment to just be ourselves. It used to be hard to find that part of me; to show it with another was even rarer. But Billy made it simple. Too simple. She made it craveable.

And I let it go. I had what I’ve always wanted and just… walked out.

Because of what? She lied? Was it even a lie? She held something from me, something big. But is keeping a secret the same as a lie?

Fuck.

I shake my head out as I stand. I’ve had enough to drink. I’m thinking in circles, and nothing’s making sense.

I stumble up the stairs and head to my room. Never felt the need to move into Law’s room. It’s the largest and reserved for the club president, but it’s his. And it will remain his till he moves out. The club is going into things with Law with open eyes. But I’m still holding out a small amount of hope that he wakes up tomorrow. Or the day after, or the day after that. Every day I want him back. We all do.

I kick off my shoes, then flop onto the bed and start counting. I get to 336 before I give in and grab the shirt under my pillow. My shirt. The one Billy slept in that still smells like her.

A day after I arrived back home, my bag showed up. The shirt was stuffed inside, along with everything else I took with me. Not sure who packed it. A part of me thought she did, and she was rubbing it in my face. A complete separation from her, even if it was what I said I wanted. Till I go tomy room and turn into a lovesick pansy, smelling the shirt all night as I sleep with it.

One sniff and I’m able to transition my dreams to nights of her. She might be gone, but not from my memory or my heart. And my dreams are more than just sex bound, which happens often. I wake to thinking she’s my old lady, and the lingering scent is her getting coffee or in the shower and not just the shirt beside me.

But tonight, I don’t fall asleep with her on my mind. Instead, it’s Ruby’s words.

Her last ones keep ringing in my ears: “Why the fuck should I waste my time with you all when I can be with him?”

And as I close my eyes in my bed, I can’t stop thinking that being with someone, even for a little while, is better than being apart.