Page 23

T his should be awkward. Strained, at least. But it isn’t. It feels the opposite, like it’s meant to be. And that scares me. Getting cozy and comfy isn’t something that usually ends well for me. My life’s filled with heartbroken moments of things I want being ripped away. Someone to want me? Mom dropped me off at the fire station as soon as I popped out. A loving space to raise my kid and have a partner to help? Both taken before their time to shine. Cure the world of disease? My aspirations to be a doctor were torn away by my anger from not understanding why I should save someone else’s kid when mine died. Sure, C8 has been there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together, but every job was always temporary. And that was the comfort in it. It wasn’t lasting. I didn’t have to sink actual feelings into something because it was never more than a job.

But Casper doesn’t feel like a job. Not anymore.

He wasn’t ever the job, not really. He was an association because of his connection to Rue. And now he’s my partner to get Candy. Nothing and everything connects him to C8. Once the job is done, and Rue moves to another training area, there’ll be nothing linking us. The Hounds’ debt will be paid. Our ties will be cut.

But will we also dissolve the bonds we’ve formed these past few days? The way he gave himself to me a few hours ago says no. And I matched him. It wasn’t just about getting off when we came together. He saw what I needed before I did. He took me higher than I thought I could go.

After, he took me to the shower and cleaned every part of me, making me fall apart slowly in his arms as he leisurely strummed his fingers over my clit while speaking words of encouragement in my ear. Even now, I shudder at how wet I got from them.

“Yes, pet, that’s a good girl. Damn, you’re so soft and perfect. Your pussy is a greedy kitty cat. It just came and it’s already begging for more pets. Such a naughty little pussy. Yeah, pet, just like that. Come apart for me. Be my sweet girl.”

And I was. Twice more before he said I’d had enough. I wanted to complain, mostly because I have a habit of pushing back against being told to stop or the word no. But he was right. I was liquid, almost falling as it was before he caught me in his arms and wrapped me in a towel, then sat me on the bathroom counter while drying me and then himself off.

We moved to the couch next, and an hour later we haven’t left. I’m now in a robe, him in loose sweatpants, as we watch the fire jump around. The temp dropped now that the sun has set, but it’s nothing a bit of warmth from the fireplace can’t cure as I lean into him, my feet propped up on the other side of the couch, his on the coffee table. He has a beer in one hand and the other over my shoulder, brushing my skin in random patterns.

This is such a perfect moment. I don’t want to ruin it. But that isn’t my style, and I also want to tell him more. To talk about things that have been left unsaid. That need to be discussed.

“Krista died when Blue did.”

His fingers still for a second before he continues stroking my skin.

“How did he die?”

“From this.” I point to my lock pattern. I hate everything about it, but I keep it to remind me what I fight for every day. To keep going and make sure no one else has to go through what I did. I might not save everyone, but one is enough. It has to be.

“I was one of his victims. We’ve done the research, and I think I was the only pregnant woman he went after. His MO is usually those who are alone and seeking attention. I was neither. I was attached then, happy, and out with Jack and her boyfriend. I went to pee, and the next thing I knew, I was being wheeled into the hospital. Don’t know how long it was before Jack found me. She said time was off for her as well. Someone slipped something into her drink, not in her arm like me. She was able to work through it enough to find me outside in the cold, but I was alone by the time she did and going into labor. The drugs forced a premature birth. The doctors said he wouldn’t last long, so I got to hold him for as long as I could.”

I take a shaky breath before continuing. “He had the prettiest blue eyes. I didn’t have a name for him yet, but as soon as I saw him, I just knew it was perfect. The kid was always going to have trouble. My mom gave me up the second she could, but we tracked down what we could on her and my dad once we found out I was pregnant. I wanted to know about any possible genetic issues. One doctor thought maybe he would be on the spectrum based on what we found out about my mom. I was so scared, but Penny said she’d help raise him. She even started studying up on it. That’s why she does the autism thing undercover. Not only because most people look away but in memory of my son.”

“I’m sorry.” He kisses my forehead, and I snuggle closer to him. “I won’t call you Krista again.”

My bottom lip folds in, and I bite down as I think it over. “I… I didn’t mind.” Turning my head just enough to see him, I confess, “I thought a part of me died when Blue did, but it didn’t. I liked when you called me that. It makes me think I can be both the girl before Blue and the one after. That with you, I can be anyone.”

He faces me head-on and looks deep into my eyes. I can only imagine what he finds, but whatever it is has him leaning in and giving me the softest, sweetest kiss of my life. I almost cry. He uses the back of his finger holding the beer to brush away a tear, and I know I already am. His small smile makes me smile, too, and accept what’s going on without feeling silly for having such strong emotions tonight.

I’ve fallen for him. Despite it all, I have. We shouldn’t work, but we do. Not only in the bedroom, which we’re amazing at, but as a team. I’ve worked with others before, but none I’ve clicked with on this level so quickly. We’re in sync with most things and talk through others. He trusts me enough to get my side done, and I do the same for him. It’s like what I have with Jack, but on a deeper level.

“Why Billy?”

“My name?” I glance back at him in surprise at the topic change.

He hums in approval at my question.

I shrug as I continue to watch the fire dance before us. “I was the young one. When the Crazy Eights recruited me, they picked it.”

“It mean anything?”

“Yeah, my recruiter was big on Westerns. I became known as Billy the Kid, and Jack was Jack of All Trades because she’s good at everything. She could blend into anything, but it’s her need to cause trouble that makes her more the sidekick than the leading lady of the show.”

“Was Blue the bird you tried to save, or was it Jack?”

Of course he would remember my little story about saving a bird and all that shit. Seems like months ago and not a week. I shouldn’t be surprised that he remembers. He doesn’t seem the type to forget things. When he listens, he really listens. Not any of that guy bullshit where it’s just “yeahs” and “yups”. Granted, not all guys are like that—or women, for that matter. Just seems like more than most lately. I can hardly get Jack to listen to me, and I’m her boss—well, on paper only. In her mind we’re equals, and I agree with that, till I have to answer for shit she did after going off the rails.

“Sometimes both. As you probably already gathered, monitoring Jack is a full-time job.”

“You mean Penny.”

Not a question, just a fact that makes me smile. “Yeah, she was never good at the name change. She went from Penny to Jack and then back to Penny any chance we have to do a cover. We tried the name change a few times in the beginning, but she blew a few missions for us because she forgot her cover.”

“And Wendi?”

“Just another cover. Had a lot over the last decade.” I slow smiles takes over my face. “But I’m kind of partial to those who she’s gotten close to.” I snuggle deeper into his embrace as he pulls me tighter to him.

The silence between us eases, and I’m lulled to sleep by the steady rise and fall of his chest paired with the heat coming off the fire and him, seeping into my bones and warming parts that I never thought would thaw since I lost Blue.

“Law’s alive.”

“What?” I’m out of his arms so quickly as I sit up and bring my knees under me. He doesn’t move other than his head.

“He didn’t die. Well, he did. But he’s still alive.”

“Then why are you president? Where is he? Why the lie?” My brain is going into overdrive with all the questions.

“He’s in a coma. We don’t know when he’ll come out of it. When he died, we thought that was it, till they brought him back. But then they told us not to get our hopes up, that the coma he’s in has taken more lives than not. They said a bunch of medical jargon, but they still think he’ll never wake up again. He’s also more vulnerable now than he ever was before. Law has been in charge of the Hounds for longer than most club presidents. He’s got enemies. Most we deal with, but some are still out there. Like Duke, apparently. We needed everyone to think he’s in the grave so he wasn’t put there permanently at the hands of the enemy. That’s why the club moved the target to my back instead and hushed the truth.”

“That’s where Mad Max is. He’s with Law.” It makes sense now. The guy is huge but quiet. He doesn’t crave attention, but he gets it from his size alone. I noticed his vacancy from the club like a door missing from a car—obvious and unexpected.

“Guy feels responsible for not protecting his boss. He’s taking it harder than the rest, I think. He refuses to leave Law’s side now. Practically lives at the hospital. He’s got one helluva old lady who gets it and accepts that part of him.”

I nod. “Yeah, Fairy is something else.”

I might not have hung out with any of them, but part of Rue’s recruitment was seeing if she could gain information on people. What better way to show her skill and develop it than test it out on those closest to her? I bet they’re still angry about it. But she would never use it against them. It was nothing more than just seeing what she could gain. And like with many C8 operatives, she was overlooked by many and learned more than I bet the Hounds knew they said out loud. Both Jack and I took the info only to help Rue train. Nothing was reported. If it was something vital, maybe we would have, but we never found much more than a group of men willing to battle whatever came at them for the women in their lives or to protect their family. Something the Crazy Eights wholeheartedly support.

I sit on my heels as I think it all through. This is a lot. Something my group would want to know. I might not agree with how we get info all the time, but I understand that our world revolves around trading one secret for another. We make our own rules about who we consider being on our side, and that can change on a whim depending on the job. The Hounds might be our assets today, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. We’re loyal to those we work with, not those who are indebted to us. If the Hounds expect something more between themselves and the Crazy Eights, it would need to be done officially, not something between me and Casper.

“Why are you telling me?”

He sets his empty bottle on the coffee table as he puts his feet down, turning to face me as he goes. “You trusted me.” He brushes my hair behind my ears on one side, then the other. “You haven’t let go like you did with me for anyone else before, have you?”

I shake my head, never taking my eyes off his. His smile is sad at my confirmation, but then he nods.

“Thought as much. Watching you fall apart was a gift. You trusted me when few would. You decided not to use a safe word, which I shouldn’t have let happen, but like you, I got caught up in the moment.”

“I wasn’t caught up, I—”

His fingers still my lips. “I know, pet, I know. But I still shouldn’t have let us continue without one. It was our first time. We could have both felt too much in the moment. Next time, we’ll have one, so we can each pull us out of it if we need to.”

“So, you’re saying there’ll be a next time?”

His smirk brings mine out to match.

“Yes, pet.” Then he sobers as he runs his hand through his hair. “Telling you wasn’t something I planned. I actually briefed the club that we were going to keep as many in the dark about Law as we could. Only the officers and a few others know, not everyone. Not even Ruby.”

Damn, the former president’s daughter is left in the dark and I’m not. How special do I feel right now? Like a million bucks and then some.

“Again, why? Why tell me? What do you expect me to do with this? I should tell my team, let them know. Holding this type of information back might be problematic. They might see it as a hindrance to the debt.”

“Is it?” He raises both eyebrows at that, and I frown.

“Not that I can think of. I never read the paperwork that links you two, but I know the circumstances. We rarely put in trick wording like you might think. We might work with those who others considered an enemy, but our jobs connected to others are really just that. They’re deals on good faith. If it goes south, well, that’s on them how many body bags they’ll need to learn from their mistakes.”

“We both work the same job, just for different groups. We want the same, to live our life on our own terms and to get those who’ve fucked with us off the streets. I might not know everything about the Crazy Eights, but from what you’ve told me and my team has found out, you aren’t after it for the money. Deals are made to help a victim. Sometimes your hands get dirty in the end, but it’s the cost of your souls, not theirs. I get that. Dealt that, made that call before. And I plan to continue making that call for my boys and my club. Being president wasn’t something I saw at the beginning when I became a Hound, but I never shied away from the responsibility of taking on more. The closer I got to the job, the more I respected the position and its unofficial power. I might not have a grand scheme to take the club to another level or anything, but I’m not one to hide in the corner and let the status quo be enough.”

I nod at his words. That makes sense. All of it. C8 isn’t free of sin by any means, but we do it for the right reason. Even if the right reason is something not everyone agrees to outside the company. There isn’t anything I’ve ever disagreed with. I might not know everything, but I know enough to back them.

“What are you trying to say?” There has to be more than just trying to get us on even ground. I trust him, and he trusts me. It’s a baser need that we both showed we’re vulnerable to having issues with. Especially how we came together. But we’ve worked through it. This, more than anything, proves that.

“I think the Hounds and Crazy Eights should work together.”

Oh.

“And I think you should be the liaison for your group. Working alongside me, the president.”

Ohhhhh. The future. He’s talking about the future. Me and him. Him and me.

I don’t think long term. My job and my past have forced me to live in the moment. Making plans seems more daunting than trusting the man. But as I look at him, see him offering something I’ve always wanted, holding it out and all I have to do is grab it… it’s alluring.

More than that, it’s downright decadent and tantalizing. No one has ever offered me a place to be, a person to be there. A home.

Because as I look into Casper’s eyes, all I see is the home I’ve always wanted. A home of my own. A home filled with love.

And he has that. I just need to accept it—if I dare.