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I nod at the couple that passes me. Or should I say the woman holding the leash of the man crawling beside her? I don’t bat an eye. To each their own and all that.

The night has turned out better than I could have hoped for. I was suspicious of C8’s intel, but after seeing Candy with my own eyes, I can’t doubt their abilities anymore. She looked strung out, but considering how long she’s been undercover for, we expected her to be.

The auction won’t happen till Saturday afternoon, so we have time to set up a plan. If Candy’s here tonight, then she’ll be on the property. I should search for her now, but I can’t seem to. She’s part of the auction, so I have to assume they won’t do anything to her till then. They showed her up on the stage like some prize cattle. You don’t want to ruin the prize before the winning bid is placed.

A few others seemed just as bad, all those in the back row. The ones in the front were there clearly for the entertainment of it. Smiling, waving, some even flirting with those in the crowd. It was those in the front who got to go mingle with the patrons, while the back row was pulled offstage and escorted to the exit. They never came back out. I waited as long as I could to see if they would, but after an hour and a half, I took my leave.

Something was off with Billy. Something had her spooked. She held herself so well before tonight that I don’t think it was seeing Candy onstage but maybe everything? I don’t know if she saw something I didn’t, or maybe it just all hit her at once. I have no idea how close she and Candy are. She’s made it clear that she trusts very few, but maybe Candy is one of those few. I know I’ve had some bad reactions to seeing brothers-in-arms as hostages. It does something to your brain, messes with your chemicals. You can plan for it all you want, but till you see it, witness it that first time, you don’t know how you’ll react. Some take it better than others.

I have to check on her. I need to know she’s okay. All my control was called upon tonight to stay and keep to the mission rather than chase after Billy. To hold her and demand she tell me what’s wrong. Things are changing between us. Maybe they always were, and I just didn’t see it till now. All I know is that not another second can go by till I make sure she’s okay.

I swipe the key card and throw open the door. My hopes of finding her on the bed crumble when I see it’s still empty. Tossing off my jacket, I throw it onto the couch and push my sleeves up for a bit of comfort. The shower running pulls my attention, and I walk into a room full of steam. I can barely see. I turn on the exhaust fan, but it does nothing to help. Only because of the schematics of the room that Bane gave us do I know where the shower is. I open the glass door and turn off the water before swiping away at the surrounding fog.

A sound catches my attention now that the water is off. “Billy?”

She doesn’t answer, but I hear the noise again, like a huff of a breath. I look at the simple bathroom, and while the steam is lifting, it still isn’t immediately clear what everything is unless I’m standing right next to it.

A whimper has me whirling back to the shower, stepping in and going to the far wall. The controls might be close to the door, but the shower is one of those rainfall types. It’s also twice the size of a normal showerhead, just like the stall itself. While the rest of the place might seem bland, the steam blocked me from seeing the bathtub that was also in the shower, but on the far side. And in the corner next to it is Billy, sitting with her knees to her chest and an almost-empty bottle of scotch held tight in her left hand.

“Jesus, Billy, what the hell are you doing? Now isn’t the time to get drunk.” Kneeling by her, I grab the bottle and toss it into the tub.

She doesn’t even flinch. Hell, I don’t even think she can see me. Her eyes are wide open, but they’re as vacant as an empty box.

Only when I move to pick her up does she react. A hiss of pain, but that’s about it. Her skin is red, raw.

“Fuck, how long were you under the water for?”

“I failed.”

She’s speaking nonsense. One missed night didn’t fail our mission. Her reaction tonight shows just how new she is to all this. If seeing Candy like that has her spiraling, maybe I need to think about a new plan. Something that keeps her safe and out of the way to really not fuck this up for us. I might have been on the fence about doing this, but after seeing Candy and the others, I’m fully committed now.

“No, no one noticed. You’re good. We’ve still got time. The auction isn’t till Saturday. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“He died. I failed him. I was all he had, and I let him die.” Her words make no sense as I lift her and cradle her in my arms till I get her to sit on the bed.

“Who?”

“Blue. I killed Blue.”

“Who’s Blue?” I keep her talking while I take off her soaked clothes and grab a towel to dry her off.

“He was my everything,” she whispers.

I pause after grabbing the shirt of mine she uses to sleep in. The way she said it, the catch in her voice…. Love. She loved this Blue. Brother, friend, lover? Whoever he was, she feels responsible for his death.

“It’s okay. I’m sure you did everything you could.” Putting the shirt on her, I look around for a blanket or something to keep her warm but also not irritate her skin. I go to my bag and look through the small first aid kit I always keep with me. It’s not much, but at least I have a few burn cream packets.

I rip one open and look her over for a second, finding the parts that are worse than the others and still red as hell from the shower. I start to apply the cream as gently as I can. Only then do I notice her looking at me.

“How can you say that?” Pure shock and then rage takes over her face. “I killed him!” She yells so loud that I question just how soundproof these rooms are. “He died at my hand. I had one job—to keep him alive. And I was a coward and chose my own life over his.”

She curls in on herself again, this time rocking back and forth. “I failed him.”

“Yo. What you want, slut?” Jack glances at the phone for a second and then glares. “Why the fuck you calling me, biker boy? My girl better be good.”

“She’s fine. She—”

“Good.” With that, she hangs up, and I barely resist tossing the phone across the room. Being the bigger man, I call back.

“Stop calling.”

“Shut it and look.”

I turn the phone around so she can see Billy. She hasn’t stopped rocking on the bed or mumbling that she failed this Blue guy for the last hour. Nothing I do has her moving. I tried getting her to lie down, but she shoved me off. She used enough force that I feared I would hurt her if I pushed any more. I’ve attempted to cover her with blankets to keep the shivers at bay, but they’re pooled around her. I gave up on trying to keep her warm and just turned up the heat. I had to change out of the suit I was in to keep from sweating.

“What happened?”

I turn the phone back around and see all the bitchiness gone from Jack. Now she’s just a concerned friend waiting to know what happened. “I don’t know. We were watching the host for the night. He said a few things, and then she saw Candy and freaked. She’s been in this catatonic state for hours now, I think. I don’t know what set her off, but all she’s doing is talking about some guy named Blue and that she failed him. Any ideas?”

“Shit. It’s the seventh today, isn’t it?” My nod has her looking off camera, bowing her head a second before looking back. “Let me talk to her.”

I nod again as I sit on the bed. I angle the phone so it’s in front of Billy, but I can also see Jack this time.

“Hey, girl. Shh, stop crying. It’s okay. Billy, do you hear me?” Jack lets out a soft curse as she glances down, shaking her head before looking back up, blinking a few times. “Krista.”

That name gets a reaction. From both of us.

Billy, or Wendi, or hell, even Krista—whatever she’s called—is staring at the phone as if she’s just now seeing that Jack is on FaceTime. A sliver of hope and recognition is coming through her once-cloudy eyes.

“That’s right. There’s my girl. How you doing, Krista?” She keeps saying her name to keep her in the here and now.

“Penny?” Billy calls out to Jack, and I don’t miss the way Jack looks to me before focusing back on Billy. Maybe Penny was more than a cover name.

“Yeah, babe, I’m here. You doing okay?”

She shakes her head as fresh tears pour from her eyes. “No.” She hiccups as her hands cover her face, and she sobs, “He’s gone. I killed him. And then I forgot.” She wails the last word.

“Shh, baby, shh. No, no, you didn’t. Remember, you saved him. You did everything right. And he lived. He had the best life. You can never forget him. Never, baby.”

I feel like I’m intruding on a private moment, but like hell will I leave right now. It’s not that I want to see Billy so vulnerable; it’s because my feet won’t let me stand. My body refuses to be away from her as she cries her eyes out.

“But it was short,” she howls. “It was too short. I didn’t get enough time.”

Pulling her closer in my arms, I feel goose bumps on her skin. I still don’t know what’s going on, but her soul-aching cry makes me want to weep with her. I think I even see some tears in Jack’s eyes, but I can’t be sure through the phone screen.

“I know, I know.” Jack swallows and then asks, “Do you want to see him?”

Wait, what?

Billy nods as she rubs her eyes of tears that only seem to spill over once more when Jack rolls up her sleeve to show her forearm to the screen. A tattoo about the size of a dollar bill appears, its brilliant blue eyes staring right back at us. Eyes so vibrant, they almost seem alive and remind me of my own loss. My little brother had eyes like that. The type that were so aqua blue, it was as if you were looking at the sea.

“Blue.” It’s a choked-out cry, but at least Billy’s still focused on the screen and not huddled in a ball anymore.

“How old would he have been today, Krista?” she asks, again using the name that keeps her in this moment with us.

She hiccups before responding, “Ten.”

“Oh, that’s an awesome year. Two handfuls for sure, just like when he was born.”

That gets a teary laugh out of both of them that has me smiling along. I still don’t understand it, but I have a hunch.

“Do you want to wish him a happy birthday?”

Never did I think I would see the day when Jack was the strong one, treating Billy with kid gloves as if she were the fragile special needs kid that Penny pretended to be for so long before we knew the truth.

“Yeah, I can do that.” I’m humbled by the strength I see in Billy, pulling her shit together as she clambers to her knees and takes the phone from me. “Hey, Blue. It’s your mama.”

My heart beats out of my chest at her words. I thought as much, but to have it confirmed out loud almost sends me into a panic. From what Billy told me of her background, being moved around so much at a young age, I can only imagine the horrors she must have gone through as a teen mom. Even if it was consensual, a teen mom as a foster kid was probably harder than half of what I’ve been through. And I know she was a teen mom. I can do math. She’s younger than some of the old ladies back home. And we seem to have made a collection of the young ones of late.

“I might have only been able to see your beautiful blue eyes for forty-nine minutes of your life, but it was the best part of mine. You were so loved. You are loved. So very much loved. You were the best part of me and your dad. You were so strong to fight so hard. You were perfect. And I know that you’re probably having the best time with your dad now. I hope he’s teaching you to play baseball and that the other angels aren’t getting upset with how many times you hit it over heaven’s gate and getting all those home runs. I know your daddy loved playing the game and would have given you a baseball as soon as you got to heaven to join him. If you can, tell Daddy that Krista loves him, and he’ll always be my knight in shining armor.”

I can never be a knight. Got too much leather and chrome in my blood for that. If that’s what Billy needs, it’s not something I can give her.

I stand from the bed and take a few steps away. Billy pulled out of my arms the second she got the phone and started talking to “Blue.” A weight feels like it hits the bottom of my stomach and I rub at it, but it doesn’t go away. Hearing her call someone her knight puts a bitter taste in my mouth. I never realized I wanted to be that for someone until now, seeing that someone else already has that role. Sure, the guy’s dead, but she said it herself. She still sees him as her knight. Job’s taken. So what the hell am I to her?

Because seeing her crying on that tile floor was the turning point for me. I never was good at seeing a woman cry, just like half the damn brotherhood. But instead of being annoyed by it or feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to do, I wanted to hold her, comfort her, and have her turn to me to heal whatever part of her that needed it.

I scrub my hands over my face with more force than I need to, but it keeps me from punching something. Or walking away and taking a ride. I don’t have my bike, but the need is still there. The desire for open roads and the freedom from every thought and feeling I have.

Some brothers like riding because it helps them think. I’m the opposite. It clears my head so well that I’ve made it a small reward after every mission; I don’t ride until it’s done. Sure, it doesn’t happen every time. If we need to ride into battle, I know to focus. But the long rides? The ones you take and don’t know where you’ll end up? That’s the prize that keeps me focused on getting through one mission after another. And it keeps me alive. Can’t enjoy that shit if you’re dead. I’ve seen too many brothers try, and I can tell you I’ve never seen a ghost rider no matter how many night trips I take.

My name being called has me looking over at Billy, who’s holding the phone out. I take it and watch as she climbs under the covers as if she was just told a bedtime story.

“Hey, ghost boy,” Jack snaps, but I take my time looking down at the phone. The girl is irritating no matter what personality she’s portraying. “Billy should be good now, but I’m going to send you a pic of Blue anyway. If she wakes in the middle of the night, show her the picture.”

“Why not send it to her phone?” I’d rather not have the eyes of someone who reminds me of my brother on my phone. I also know that once this is over and we both take our separate paths in life, I’ll have to delete it. And I can already tell I won’t want to because it’ll be a connection to her in some way.

“No.” She shakes her head. “We tried that before, and she can get almost obsessive about looking at it. She’s strong as fuck most days, but some are worse than others. We both agreed that Blue is covered most of the time but always carried with us.”

What’s it say if Jack’s the one with the tattoo, then? I don’t ask, but I want to.

“Did she drink tonight?” she asks.

“Yeah, about a liter of scotch. Should I expect her to throw up, or do I need to get her stomach pumped or something?”

“Figured. Look, she’s not in AA or anything, but with our childhood, she probably should have been. Girl has a high tolerance. What she drank tonight was more like an appetizer for what she can put back. Ever since Blue, she hasn’t really drunk much, except for nights like this. The only reason I bring it up is because sometimes she wants more. Don’t let her, no matter what she tells you. Once this episode is over, she’ll hate herself for being weak and having any.”

“She going to need a detox or something to get back to being sober?”

“No, nothing like that. She’s fine with the occasional beer, but only when on a mission to keep up the storyline. Anything harder is what she cuts herself off from. I doubt you noticed, but she doesn’t touch the stuff if she can. She thinks it’s half of what got Blue killed.”

“Was it?”

“No.” A dark look crosses her face as she holds my stare through the phone. “He died because of something worse. Way worse.”

A beat passes before I nod. Now isn’t the time to go into it. And I’d rather talk to Billy about it than Jack.

“Right, Anything else?”

“No, but call me if you need to. I have a few things going on here that won’t let me answer right away, but if I see you or her call, I’ll try to get out of them as soon as possible.”

I nod once, and she hangs up.

Goodbye to you, too, then.

Looking at the bed, then the time, I decide sleep is the best option to regroup. Turning off all the lights and lowering the heat to a reasonable temp now that the covers are over Billy, I slide off my pants and shirt, then slip into bed. Lying on my back, I put my hands under my head and stare at the ceiling.

Unlike the other nights, Billy rolls into me and snuggles close, using my chest as her pillow as she wraps her arms around me. “I don’t want to fail anymore. Let anyone else down.”

Wrapping my arms around her, I kiss her forehead as her breath evens out. “I won’t let you,” I promise into the night air.