Page 22 of Carry On (Love Doesn’t Cure All #4)

NASH

Finding a new place to sleep was dangerous, but I wanted to avoid Lincoln looking for me.

I wasn’t sure what the fuck I’d do if he showed up at any of my usual locations.

I had a feeling Bellingham was responsible for Lincoln finding me the first time around.

Bellingham was one of the only people who knew everywhere I frequented, which meant Lincoln probably did too.

To avoid him, I had to go outside my norm. Outside my comfort zone all over again. I didn’t like it, but it was a necessity.

He’s not looking for you, the voice insisted.

I wanted to believe it, but I wasn’t willing to risk it.

The homeless camp was small, but it got the job done.

I knew enough people to get me in, and enough people knew not to fuck with me.

I tried to be the silent type—the out-of-the-way type.

I didn’t take part in my community the way others did.

I chose to exist on the outside of it, getting by with as few interactions as possible.

But word of mouth meant they knew I was a veteran, they knew I was dangerous when I needed to be, and they knew I was as non-problematic as possible.

They somehow also knew that I’d fucked up those rich kids, which gave me the kind of clout I didn’t want.

The spread of gossip made me uneasy as well, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about that.

I found a spot as far away from everyone as I could. It was quiet and dark, both things that I desperately needed. My headache had reached the point of being debilitating. The world spun. My stomach rejected even the idea of food. Water made me vomit. Light hurt so bad I couldn’t see straight.

Every noise, every movement, every breath… it all fucking hurt.

I was stuck on this goddamn ride with no way out. Pain meds didn’t do shit—not that I could stomach them anyway. I had to wait it out.

I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.

I wanted to be completely done with it all…

The fight… the pain… the struggle…

I just wanted to be done with it all.

You know how to do that, the voice said.

Yeah, yeah, I did.

Not that you can even do that right, the voice continued.

No, I couldn’t.

Hell, maybe the world would fucking end and take me with it.