Page 26 of Carnal Urges

“You’re not worried about waking up next to me in bed?”

I yawn. “You don’t like me. I don’t like you. There’s zero chance of accidental ravishment.”

“Plenty of people have sex who don’t like each other.”

“Don’t sound so put out. I’m not insulting your manhood. I’m sure youcouldravish me if you wanted to, but I know you don’t. Plus, you gave me your word you wouldn’t hurt me. So I’m not going to worry about it.”

I’m conveniently ignoring the little interlude in his closet earlier, because who the hell knows what that was about? Not me.

He turns his head and stares at the ceiling. After a while, he says, “You’re not normal.”

“Thank you.”

“Christ. You think every insult is a compliment. Your ego is like Teflon.”

“Teflon? No. Something way tougher than that.”

“Seriously, how can you be so bloody blasé about everything? The only time I got a rise out of you was when I gagged you with my tie. But the minute I took it off, you thanked me and went right back to being… you.”

He’s starting to sound aggravated. What a shocker.

“‘I make the best use of what’s in my power, and take the rest as it happens.’”

There follows a long silence. It’s not really silent, though. It’s quite loud, actually, loud and cavernous, echoing with his disbelief.

“Did you… did you just quote Epictetus?”

“You know the Stoics?”

“You’re fucking kidding me. Youdidquote Epictetus.”

“It’s a good thing I have that Teflon ego you accused me of, because my feelings would be really hurt right about now, gangster. The size of my intellect doesn’t exist in inverse proportion to the size of my boobs.”

His voice rises. “You almost flunked out of college. You failed English, for fuck’s sake, and it’s your native language!”

“English Comp,” I correct. “And I failed it because it was too easy, like the rest of my classes.”

Another silence. I think I’m going to break his brain.

“That makes no sense. You realize what you just said makes not one bloody bit of sense, right?”

“First, take a deep breath. Your blood pressure will thank you. Second, I’m the kind of person who needs a challenge. I get bored extremely easily.” I pause. “I’d tell you that’s typical of people with genius-level IQs, but it would probably just piss you off. So we’ll pretend I said it’s because I’m a Scorpio and leave it at that. Wait—how did you know I failed English?”

His sigh is heavy and communicates that he’d rather be strapped to a prison’s electric chair with the warden’s finger hovering over theonbutton than having this conversation.

“I ran a background check on you.”

I’m intrigued. “Really? How fascinating. When? What else did it tell you? Oh—so you alreadyknowI have a genius IQ!”

He mutters, “What I wouldn’t give for a massive heart attack right now.”

“You’re just mad because I’m smarter than you.”

When he turns his head to glare at me, he finds me grinning at him. Which, of course, sets him off all over again.

“You arenotfucking smarter than me.”

“No? What’s your IQ?”