Page 55 of Cara

If I tried hard enough, I could pretend Isaac is him.

That’s true desperation… true hopelessness.

It’s the knowing what I’ll feel like after, when Isaac leaves the room, and I'm forced to confront the loss of my marriage, that makes me place a hand on his chest when he nears me again. “Stop.”

He drops his head, closing his eyes in exasperation. “Damn it… Just give in to me, Cara.”

I stare at him, finally breathing steadily… gathered.

“Imagine the worst possible outcome for your life, Isaac. Something that makes your insides crawl and makes you think you’d rather be dead than alive,” I whisper, making sure he’s looking into my eyes for what comes next. “And then imagine someone sinks into the pits of hell and saves you from it… That’s what I live with.Thatwas my husband.”

There’s nothing else to be said.

Nothing that can summarize Xavier Marcello quite like that.

Xavier

Every light in the manor is on.

Security’s been doubled, with men surrounding every inch of the property. I don’t know how I drove from the airport, how I navigated the roads.

My surroundings warp as I scale the stairs, bearing each step slowly, my body as fatigued as my mind.

“He’s here!”

I didn’t mean what I said before. I think you know I need you, even if I don’t want to need anyone.

The porch swing sways gently against a rush of wind. The words softly spoken to my wife accompany the breeze, a crushing remembrance. She could have run as I simmered in something wholly impure, spouting insults at her. She didn’t need to stay. She owed no obligation to me—her new, distant husband. She knew I was fighting a war I couldn’t win, and rather than save herself, she crawled into my lap and told me I wasn’t alone.

It didn’t matter how many times I told her to go.

That night, she saw me—all I am—and she decided to love me for those flaws.

I can see the rain falling around us when the power went out. See the moonlight bathing her nightgown, an angel sent to wrench me from hell. Her beauty took my breath away. Even now, as I conjure an image of us, a snapshot in time, she is radiant, her smilesoul-saving.

When the front door opens, shining light onto the wrap-around porch, the mirage fades. It’s just a porch swing.

Sophie isn’t waiting to drag me out of this nightmare.

Rosa stands at the door, giving me a sweeping glance. “Oh, God.”

It could be the tears swelled in my eyes that shock her.

It could be the damage marring my face, the damage I was too shell-shocked to care about as I boarded the plane to return to New York, leaving my wife behind.

I couldn’t even see her.

Involving myself, entering that morgue would have led the police to our doorstep. It would have destroyed too many lives, including those men who have been loyal to me.

I can’t destroy anyone else.

In the haze, Caesar stands there, his eyes wide with concern. I see multiple of him. “Don… Marcello.”

Rosa steps aside as I move past her to enter the house. She cries out for Mimi, instructing her to keep Isabella in the next room. “X, what happened?”

My fingers turned color throughout the flight from Spain to New York. Purple and swollen, they grip the stairwell, controlling each step I brave. Everything around me has dimmed. I try to navigate this darkness as if a veil has been placed over my eyes.

“Bo! Dante! Zeke! Someone!”