Page 9

Lola

The first week of classes was a whirlwind, but in the best possible way.

For the first time, I am making my own decisions.

Do you know how freeing that is? The only knock on this week is that my parents have called a couple of times.

I only made the mistake of answering once, and it went as smoothly as you probably thought it would.

Let me set the scene.

I was in my room, a book laying over my lap with both my parents on the other end of the speaker.

We shared the kind greetings and pleasantries you’d normally reserve for work colleagues. Then, not unexpectedly, the conversation went sideways.

“Are you a pre-vet major again?” She asked suddenly.

“No, I’m not,”

“Why? You promised me you would”

I don’t have to be there to know her arms are crossed over her chest, hip resting against the counter.

“Because I’m just trying to live a life where I am happy and that doesn’t include four more years of school,” I take a deep breath.

“Mom, you heal people by taking the cancer out of their bodies. Dad, you remove clots in people’s brains. I want to heal people by making them a meal that reminds them of their childhood or puts them back together after heartbreak.”

There was a long pause and the hope that I had finally gotten through to them started to blossom.

“Well, that’s nice,” my father sounded almost sympathetic, that was until he said, “Do you think cooking will be able to support the life you are used to financially?”

Before the conversation was even done I knew I needed a trip to the barn. I was sliding my riding boots on before the call was even over.

“I don’t know, Dad, maybe I’ll just become an escort, I heard they make good money.”

My mom gasped, and it drowned out my dad’s sighs.

“Well, there is no need for that,” my dad says.

“Well, I have to go because I know that you think that my new major is a joke, but I still have homework that I have to do.”

“Okay, sweetheart, we won’t keep you. Still no classes on Fridays this semester?”

“Yeah, I have no classes today.”

“Well, make sure you take some time to think about what you want for your future family,” Mom said, disappointment dripping from every word.

“Will do.” I hung the phone up before I said something I couldn’t take back.

That’s how I ended up laying on my bed with a pillow over my face screaming.

It doesn’t make me feel any better.

All I want is to have that family that everyone thinks we have. The one people see when they get our Christmas card every year.

I have to choose to do what’s best for me. Ever since I changed my major, a nagging feeling has been sitting in my chest, that the relationship with my parents has been put to bed and it might never wake up.

I grab my car keys, and once I get to my car, I pick a playlist that I can belt out every song. Rolling all my windows down to the fresh air has my hair flying around the car.

The tension in my shoulders eases as the view of Downtown Westvale fades into the rolling hills of rural New York.

The half-hour drive to Blissful Stables is over in the blink of an eye. I pull into the first open parking spot and wait out the 5 Seconds of Summer song that just started. Double check my backpack to make sure the treats I packed for Cookie are still safely tucked inside.

My phone screen flashes right as the song ends, and when I pick it up, I see a text from my sister. I roll my eyes, tossing my phone into the side pocket of my bag.

I love Penny, but we couldn’t be more different. She is a great older sister but our relationship was doomed from the beginning. My parents weaponized our relationship, pinning us against each other.

She’s the perfect daughter. High school class valedictorian.

Earned a 4.0 GPA as a pre-med major at The University Of Pennsylvania and currently is in her second year of medical school at Yale.

She always followed the rules, has no tattoos, and is everything they wanted in a child.

It only made my rebellious ways more of a disappointment.

I’ll text her after my ride, I tell myself. Hoping some time with Cookie will remind me that my sister doesn’t deserve to take the brunt of the anger directed at my parents.

When I get to Cookie’s stall, my saddle is ready and I have to do nothing other than jump on her. I walk over to the stall where Charlotte keeps her horse, and I’m shocked that she is preparing to go on a ride, too.

“Hey,” I say when she looks my way. “Did you get Cookie ready for me?”

“When you texted me that you were coming here last minute I figured you’d want to spend as much time riding as possible.”

It’s funny, at first, I wanted to come for a ride because the weather is beautiful and if you have ever lived in the northeast, you know that we have to take advantage of days like this. The universe may have been preparing me for the phone call from my parents.

“Yeah, want to just ride on the back trails today?”

She jumps on Nigel– yes, that is her horse– and trots outside to the trails behind the barn.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I yell at her back.

When I get back to Cookie, I run my hand down her back. Just being near her makes me feel so much more grounded. So much more like myself.

“Thanks for always being here for me,” I whisper to her. She nuzzles up to my side, and I pat her nose.

A swift wind blows through the valley the second I get into the sun. It’s refreshing.

“I’ll follow you.”

A second later, I’m surrounded by large oak trees that make me feel small and inconsequential. In a few weeks, the leaves will start to change. I’d take that scenery against a city skyline any day of the week.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Charlotte asks, not looking back at me.

“No, nothing new. Just the same old shit.”

It’s true. Even if we talk about it, nothing changes. I’ve been doing some version of this dance with my parents for almost a decade now. It’s just not worth the wallowing. I just want to take in the fresh air and live in the moment.

“Indy texted me today and asked if I wanted to come to a pregame at the hockey house. Are you planning on going?” This time, she looks back and Cookie decides to keep walking until Charlotte and I are side by side.

“Do you think I should go?”

She squints, like she is reading my soul. “If this were a few days ago, I would have said no. But now, since you have to work with him all semester, you should go.”

I glare at her and let Cookie take the lead. The rest of the ride is just what I needed it to be. Two friends enjoying the outdoors, doing what they love and shooting the shit.

Charlotte pulls out before me, and when our cars are side by side, she rolls down her window, and I do the same.

“So, will I see you tonight?”

I shrug my shoulders, and she just laughs at me as she pulls out. I watch her car fade into the distance, and it’s not lost on me that I came here to get out of my head.

It helped, for a second.

I’m in the shower in my own little world. My thoughts focused on the book I’m going to start and the bowl of ice cream waiting for me while I catch up on my favorite trashy reality shows.

I’m halfway through deciding the order I’m going to watch my shows in, when the bathroom door swings open. The lid of the porcelain toilet seat shoots down and I hear someone settling down on it.

“Hello?”

I’m not sure if it’s because I listen to too many true crime podcasts but I’m convinced I’m going to be met by some serial killer when I peek over the shower curtain.

I finally allow myself to exhale when I see it’s just Indy staring up at me with a cheshire grin.

“Do you need something?” I ask, my hands plastered over my boobs even though she can’t see them.

She just sits there, eyes bright, like it is totally normal to just barge in on your roommate’s shower.

“You’re coming tonight.”

It’s a statement.

She knows I don’t do well with being told what to do.

“I already have plans–”

Indy holds up her hand, cutting me off. I slick back my short hair so the water doesn’t drip on the floor and to keep my hands from reaching out and shoving my dear friend out of the bathroom.

Indy looks up at me, eyes big like I’m personally offending her by not wanting to go to the boys’ house tonight.

“You can’t hide from him forever,” she looks down at our tiled bathroom floor, taking a deep breath.

My heart beats in time with the falling water. I feel like I’m not going to like what she has to say next.

“I’m only saying this because I love you.

” Yeah, I’m really not going to like this.

“But you need to stop pushing people away when you get close to them. The first time they do something to upset you, you freak out. Not everyone you are close to is going to hurt you. I know you don’t have the relationship you once had with your parents, but that doesn’t mean everyone is always judging you. ”

She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eyes for this last slap.

“You really go MIA when you go home. We all love you, Lo, and we don’t want to live on the outskirts of your life. Even if it’s just because you have to work with him this semester, come and be the one to break the ice.”

I blink a couple of times, not caring for the impromptu therapy session. I love my friends, I really do, they have been nothing but supportive, but I learned a long time ago that the only person I can trust is myself.

Maybe she does have a point. Maybe I can show up for my friends a little more.

“Fine, I’ll come.”

Indy jumps up, looking at me with big eyes and an over-delighted smile.

“Really, you’ll come?”

I scrape off some of the shampoo suds that have been sitting on my head and throw them at her.

“Yes!” I say through a laugh. “But you need to let me shower first.”

She skips out of the bathroom, knowing she has been successful.

Once my robe is tied securely around my waist, I pick up my phone and pull up Charlotte’s contact.

Lola:

See you there ??

Charlotte:

Knew it!