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Lola

Byron’s words from the other night were the push I needed to sit and have the difficult conversation with my parents. They both had this Wednesday off so I bit the bullet and asked them to come up. They didn’t seem shocked when I told them there was a conversation I think we need to have.

The kitchen table in my apartment is lined with cookies. I was nervous so I baked enough to feed the entire Westvale Athletic Department.

“Here are the cappuccinos you guys asked for.” I set them down and take the seat opposite them.

The lump in my throat grows as I fill my plate with more cookies than I could ever eat in one sitting.

“Thanks for coming guys,” I say meekly. “I know it was a lot of me to ask you to come here on your day off.”

“We’ll do anything for you Lola,” my dad says as Mom just nods along.

“I know. Byron just said something the other night that made me realize I’d regret it if I didn’t have this conversation and something happened to one of you guys.”

I tuck my shaking hands into my lap. This conversation has been a long time coming. It shouldn’t take tragedy in someone else’s life to make for you to fix the relationships in your own lives, but sometimes that’s the perspective needed.

“I know you guys love me and only want the best for me but I need you to respect the decisions I’m making for myself now that I am an adult.”

My mom raises her finger to speak but I don’t let her stop the momentum I have.

“I know I didn’t follow the path you wanted for me.

Somewhere I took a different turn then Oliver and Penny, but for the first time in my life I’m happy.

I love my classes. I have the best friends I could ask for.

Byron might not look like the man you pictured for me, but he treats me better than anyone else ever has.

And while he is watching his father die he encouraged me to talk to you, because he knows how much this strained relationship has been weighing on me. ”

As I exhale the feelings that have been weighing me down since I was a teenager vanish.

When I finally find the courage to look my parents in the eyes they look remorseful. My mom’s mouth is agape and my dad’s eyes are hyper focused on mine.

“Lola I’m so sorry we made you feel that way.” my dad says as he reaches out for my hand that’s now resting on the table. “I should have realized you weren’t happy Lola. You’ve always been one to test us, so I thought you changing your major was just that.”

“You definitely always kept us on our toes Lola, but we’ve always been proud of you. You are smart and caring. And always putting your family first.”

My parents are now sitting on either side of me wrapping me in a hug.

“We’ll always love you Lola no matter what career you choose.” My dad kisses the top of my head as my mom adds, “We’ll be the first in line when you open up your restaurant one day.”

“I love you guys.” I mumble into my dad’s chest, using his Westvale Hockey t-shirt to soak up my tears.

For the first time since I pierced my own ears I feel like my parents and I are on the right path.

This last week has been rough. Even though Coach Stevens understands why Byron skipped practice, he told him that he couldn’t show him any special treatment. So he is on the last day of his five day suspension.

We finished finals two days into the suspension. So when he hasn’t been sitting angrily with his parents, he’s been bellied up to the bar at Jasper’s drinking the day away.

These five days I may have been physically with Byron, but I might as well have been by myself. He’s only been communicating with grunts and angry glances. I know I’m bi-lingual, but these sounds are a little too hard for me to decipher.

He’s mad at his mom for not telling him about his dad’s condition sooner. He’s mad at his dad for not working through his problems sooner so he could be present in his life. Now he is pushing me away.

We’ve spent the last few months working through the ramifications of last summer when I was the one who pushed him away.

If I am being honest I don’t know how we are going to survive this again.

“To the semester from hell finally being over!” Indy practically screams as she places a tray of rum shots down on the table.

“Why are we drinking rum?”

Our normal shot of choice is tequila and this dark liquor doesn’t look like it’s going to go down smoothly.

“It was your boyfriend’s drink of choice.” Indy’s eyes quickly flash around the bar to make sure Byron isn’t within ear shot. “He looked so sad I couldn’t say no.”

Margo picks up a shot with her middle finger and thumb barely grazing the rim. She holds it out in front of her like it did something to personally offend her.

“Where is Byron?”

A quick scan of the bar produces no Byron. My heart’s steady thud picks up. Byron is on day five of a bender. Between the alcohol and his heightened emotions, I can’t begin to think about what kind of situation he could get himself into.

Margo, Indy, Aaron and I start a search party. We need to find Byron before he can do something that he truly regrets. I watch as our friends frantically roam around the bar, shaking their heads when he’s not where they thought he would be.

“I’m going to go look if he went outside.”

It must have snowed while we were in the bar. A light dusting covers as far as I can see.

“Byron!” I scream.

His arm is cocked back and when I yell his name he drops it and looks over shoulder. With Byron’s attention off him, the man that was about to be on the other side of Byron’s fist runs in the opposite direction.

“Byron what the fuck is wrong with you! You have four hours left of your suspension. If you hit that guy how much longer do you think Coach would keep you out?”

When he doesn’t answer I take a step closer and place my hands on his rosy cheeks. They’re cold to the touch but Byron doesn’t flinch. He’s been numb for weeks.

“Byron, this isn’t you. I’m sorry you’re angry. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this right now, but please remember that you have a village of people who love you. Who are here to listen to you. Please just talk to us.” I beg.

He takes my hands off his cheeks and drops them to my side.

“Will those people be there when I’m no longer the goofy guy who makes them laugh? Or will they leave me like everyone does? Because that’s what happens when things get hard Lola”

He kicks the snow in front of him.

“They don’t fight for me. You didn’t fight for me then and you’re not going to fight for me now. So why don’t you do both of us a favor and just end things.”

The words tear through my heart like a bullet.

He’s right. When I didn’t think he was fighting for me I just gave up.

Over the summer I never thought to fight for what we had.

When things got tough I gave up. I knew we had something special.

We took our time to nurture it. I forgot all that when I convinced myself that Byron had finally figured out that I wasn’t worth it.

“Byron, I’m sorry about what happened over the summer. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. If you wake up and feel the same way tomorrow after you’ve sobered up then we will talk about it.”

I take his hand and walk him over to my car. I was only planning on having that one shot knowing that Byron was going to need help getting home tonight.

Once I get Byron settled into the passenger side of my car I shoot a text to the group chat letting them know I found Byron and that I’m going to take him back to the hockey house.

We ride home in silence. Pulling into the driveway I can tell Byron is gearing up to make this difficult for me. His hands are balled into fists tucked at his side. He hasn’t looked in my direction once since we left Jasper’s.

My car is barely in park before Byron jumps out and sprints for the front door.

While he stomps up the stairs hard enough to make the house shake, I get him a glass of water and a couple Advil to help alleviate the hangover I know is coming.

By the time I get to Byron’s room he is stripped down to his boxers laying in his bed. I set the water and Advil down on the nightstand before sitting on the edge of his bed.

I push the golden locks away from his face so I can get an unobstructed look into those beautiful blue eyes that I love so much.

“Hey, By,” I whisper.

“Hey, Pips.”

“I promise I’m not leaving you. I just have leave to head back home early tomorrow and I still need to pack.”

He nods. I hate that I have to leave him right now knowing he doesn’t fully trust me. It hurts even worse knowing I gave him a reason to feel that way.

“I love you Byron. I’m not going anywhere. Call me when you wake up tomorrow so I know you’re okay.”

A lone tear falls down his cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just love you so much, thank you for giving me a second chance.”

That simple sentence stitches my heart back together. It gives me hope we’ll get back to where we were.